[dlammers]

Man, I am so emotional today! I just want to sit and cry. I am usually so pissy before af shows but I guess this month I am just plain emotional! All of you ladies that have been able to make through months and months of ttc, I give it up to you. You are very strong individuals. Me, on the other hand, I am not. I really don't think that I can do this. As I have said in other posts, I thought for sure the cm, bigger and sore bbs, fatigue, pressure and cramping were all very positive signs. I did everything to the T when it came to temping and timing. Ugh, its heartbreaking and makes me feel like such a failure

And to make things worse...a couple girls at work today were saying that they would never want to have another child, knowing full well that I am TTC, because of money or starting over with diapers and bottles etc. The conversation started out with them asking me how things were going and if I was pg yet. Why would you continue to stand there and talk about that so negatively.

Anyway....
Thanks for listening.

[FishermansWife4]

Sometimes we're tested to show ourselves how strong we really are <3

[captivate]

Oh hunni.

You have every right to be sad and lost at the moment. It doesnt matter how long people have been TTC.

Let me tell you my story and it may bring you a little hope. Remember I have lost all hope now but back then I did have some.

When I was TTC#1 I was TTC for 4 cycles and nothing happened and I felt utterly useless. 2 of the ladies in my TTC group had been TTC for 2 years and they said, grow up your 22 and im 30 something and I have every right to be mad at the world, you have just started TTC your young, your time will come. Then another lady she had been TTC 5 years and was about to adopt, she called me all the way from America and she told me that it does not matter how long people TTC we all want the same thing, that is to carry a baby to term so we all have the same goal. Some more than others want it more thats just natural but tht doesnt take away the sense of foreboding when the blood comes at the end of the cycle.

Anyway I carried on 2 years TTC then I gave up because my spirit was shot. I thought life was punishing me and that I was not it to be a mum.

I turned to drink as to me there was nothing else to really do in life if I could not hold a child and be a mother.

3 months later I was pregnant with DD.

After DD another 3 years TTC.... this time TTC got the better of our relationship and we split up.

I met Tony who is the only man on this earth who I have ever truly respected and loved equal if not more than my own life. He loved my Daughter and She loves him.

Then surprise surprise im pregnant.. nothing can get better in life. I had resigned myself to being barren.

Then it is taken away from us at nearly 11 weeks.

So now the road of TTC for me but this time I do not have hope. My hope went away when I was TTC for 3 years. Tony and I fell in love with the no children in the future so testing and meds are not an option as it would change us. BUT

What I am meaning to say is.

I know when my af comes. I will be as sad and broken now... at 32 after all these years TTC as I was sad and broken afer 4 months TTC back when I was 22.

I do believe though that this patience that some of us ladies have to have to manage to conceive and carry our children, it carries us through all the times in motherhood when patience is the only thing stopping us from throttling our kids lol. ( joke by the way I do not hit children )


Anyway so there is always hope and do not think your bad for being sad and low.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh and when women are like your co workers. They do not know what its like to TTC and to want something so hard you feel your heart would burst. xxx

They have never been through what we do. If they did then they would be secretive and hopefully every step of your TTC journey.

TTC to me is a private hobby.. to many people do not understand what its like. x

[jl046100]

I got af today had hope this cycle to don't know why I do it to myself every month so I'm also sad, frustrated and heartbroken so onto cycle 11 had a good cry 2nite to, my SO doesn't understand why I get so upset but I'm not giving up and my DD keeps asking when will she be a big sister x

[HopingForBabyNumber3]

I couldn't agree more with it being a private and personal thing. I will tell somebody if they ask, but most don't so I don't bring it up. Only myself knows the lengths I'm going to TTC. And some Od the girls on here lol! Don't get down on yourself for being emotional. If you weren't emotional I would be worried. The greatest joys in life are the ones we had to work the hardest for and put the most emotion into. I get super emotional sometimes. Usually about the time af is supposed to be coming and I don't feel pg, or when af shows. I go through phases lol usually right along with my cycle! The days up to Oing I'm good, happy, great! The week after Oing I'm super excites and hopeful! Then I get nervous, anxious. Then emotional when af shows or I get multiple bfn. It's normal honey!

As for the girls at work, try to take it with a grain of salt. They have no idea how it feels. I sometimes have a hard time with people not understanding to. I'm sorry they got you down. We are always here to listen!

[captivate]

Originally Posted by jl046100

I got af today had hope this cycle to don't know why I do it to myself every month so I'm also sad, frustrated and heartbroken so onto cycle 11 had a good cry 2nite to, my SO doesn't understand why I get so upset but I'm not giving up and my DD keeps asking when will she be a big sister x

I have Serenity asking me every day when she is going to get alittle sister. Then she hopes this one wont die and leave her. I feel bad for her, I really do. Tony wouldn't understand why I need support of other ladies but hell.

As long as we have eachother hey. Sorry AF came.

[ThaiSpice]

So sorry you're feeling down. It is completely understandable. In general, I don't talk about this kind of stuff (Ttc, breastfeeding, etc) with coworkers (or anyone, really, other than DH, JM ladies, and super close family or people who I know have been through it). Most people are not sensitive to how someone might feel who is going through the ups and downs of TTC/fertility issues. Whether they intend to or not, it can be hurtful. So...I just keep it all to myself. But I think all of us can relate to how you're feeling. So vent away!

[Morgans Mommy]

Some women can be very insensitive. I remember when I was TTC with my first, I had a co-worker get pregnant on her first try and then complained constantly about being pregnant. I would leave the office crying! I hope that you feel better - tomorrow is a new day. *hugs*

[jl046100]

I feel a bit better today talked it over with SO last night I'm sorry about ur loss it must be hard trying to explain it to ur DD hopefully they get their siblings really soon x

[captivate]

It is a miracle drug when you can actually talk to your other half about stuff.

I have been told off off Tony before for not talking and when I finally do I feel so much better.

[momto3brazils]

Some people don't have a filter. I wouldn't worry about what they have to say their not in your shoes. Girl I was TTC after TR at 37 years old it took 10 cycles to hit the target and there were lots of months that I was sure timing was perfect etc, the reality is we have like 25% Chance each cycle of conceiving but rather than getting bummed out about that I just kept truckin and my TR baby just turned 3 years old, when I had a bust of a cycle I would just tell myself on ward and upward. If you don't mind me asking how long have you been trying and temping? I also feel like the longer you temp check cm and cp the more you get to really understanding what you body is doing. Baby dust

[Scarlet Starlet]

Some people are not happy unless they are causing other people pain.

But, you are not out yet, you never, ever know.
EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Even the darkest of catastrophes usually reveal themselves later to be the silver lining around a brighter cloud.
If it doesn't happen this month, then it's just not your time yet. Being patient and waiting is the single hardest thing in the world to do, but the only way to get through it is to know that you're doing everything you can and that it will happen when the time is right. Those words are of little comfort, but it's one of the only truths we can cling to since there's only so much we as women can do to make this happen.
Hugs. You will get there.