[CyndiBear]

I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I'm just completely heartbroken.

[lunaverde]

Cyndi, don't give up girl. You and I are in this together!

I know you've had a lot of crap thrown at you lately. But you are a strong, beautiful, talented and amazingly graceful woman. I know it hurts right now, and I think you should take all the time you need to feel that pain so that you can find healing.

I hate to see you so upset. I feel like you and I have so much in common, despite that we live in different places and there are a lot of differences in our lives. You and I have been TTC for over 2 years, we both have giant teddy bear DHs and we both have been through the ringer recently.

I'm here for you any time, my beautiful friend. Don't give up. Hope sometimes feels like a burden, I'm sure that's where you are at. I know I've felt that way before. Burdened by my own desire and hope to have a baby, why can't it happen for me? Why can't I stop fixating on this and move forward? Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't I have what I want? Why am I being punished?

I truly believe in my heart that it will happen for me and I know that it will happen for you, too. I've always said that anything worth having, is worth fighting for. I know you're tired. It's ok to feel defeated, but I'm here for you to let you know that you're an inspiration to me. I felt your inner strength when you talked about your dad passing away. I was amazed by how strong you were, how gracefully you handled everything. I don't know that I would have dealt with that as well as you did. I think it's just been a lot for you to process, you've had so many things happen in so short a time frame and anyone would be tired and feel like giving up in your shoes.

You just can't give up, though. You should rest, cry to let the pain out. Scream at nothing to get the anger out. Rest some more and do it all over again as many times as you need until you feel better.

I hope you get through this and come out the other side more determined than ever. You are a good woman, you deserve to have your dreams come true. Much love and positive thoughts from me to you.

[CyndiBear]

Luna, my dear friend....I've been sitting here staring at the keyboard thinking of what to say back to this. I just can't find the words. I've read it three times over, and am in tears. You are such a beautiful soul. I can't even begin to find the words to explain how much I adore you, and appreciate your kindness, your strength, and your encouragement to me through everything. I can only hope to find a friend like you in my lifetime, who I can bear my soul to, and get not one ounce of judgement back. You inspire me to stay strong, and to keep trying no matter where the road takes me. Thankyou for that.

[captivate]

To give up would be to remove a very special thing that we women have. Thats to want a child.

Take a step back from the world of TTC. I vowed that I would not be hard core anymore and it helps.

Stand back and look at your DH ( Oh can I join the club with big bear other halves please ) and remember what brought you together in the first place,it was not kids as we don't plan kids as soon as we meet someone.

It is hard, it is dammed hard to not think about wanting a baby.I think I have been through every day in the last 7 years wanting a baby and not knowing why mother nature has not granted me with a " see penis get pregnant " fertility.

Sit down and grieve for what you have not got, this is normal. It will make you feel better.

Never feel alone, its amazing how many of us have to go through this.

And lastly, ALWAYS know that there is someone on here who can relate totally with you an be by your side. x

[MAS1313]

Hugs

[LaceyMay2630]

I am so sorry Cyndi, my heart is just breaking for you. But you are such a strong woman I know you will get through this. Take as much time as you need my dear, we're all here for you and love you dearly.

Sending many thoughts and prayers your way hun.

[lunaverde]

You deserve nothing less, girl.

[H_Hplus1]

((Hugs))

[RoxanneMI]

I am so sorry you feel like giving up. This is a very hard journey. When you said you were trying over 2 yrs, I could really relate and I became excited when you tested and felt pain for your losses. I could never imagine what you been through and still going through. If taking some time away and enjoying your family and life is what you need, then you must do whatever is best for you. We all are here for you and hope you will be around and posting announcing you are preg with a super sticky bean soon.

[livinglife06]

I'm sorry Cyndi, MANY thoughts and prayers are being sent your way!

[ninja_mommy]

I agree with all the PP. This road to a healthy baby is much harder for some of us that we can ever imagine. Even after all that I've been through I could never give up hope for a healthy baby some day. I am truly blessed to have my daughter now and I look at her and it keeps me going.
It is ok to take a break, let yourself heal and when you're ready to try again you can

[CyndiBear]

I know I'm never going to just give up, but I just feel so defeated. I feel like I'm being punnished for something. I'm only 23 years old....why am I having so many problems? I'm worried about DH's age. I'm worried his "equipment" might not be working like it used to. I'm worried because he used to have a bad drinking problem, and even though he's been clean and sober for almost 4 years, maybe it affected something. I'm scared and he just wont hear it. He's so supportive and loving but when it comes to anything about TTC and about him getting checked out, he just wont have it. I know that he is insecure about it, but it kills me. I don't think he understands how badly I want this....I've had such a hard life....so many things have happened to me....All I've dreamed of my entire life is building a home and having a family and being as "normal" as I could muster. I got so much judgement getting into my marriage, because he is so much older than me, and also because he has children....I took all that on gladly, because I am so madly in love that I wouldn't change him for anyone in the world....I just want to know what's wrong.

I used to temp, but I stopped because I have kind of a weird sleeping schedule. I went back to work part time, and now I'm so off with my sleep I fear that it wont be accurate. The last three days, I set my alarm for the same time, to take my bbt and then I could just go back to sleep. Well I took my temp the first day, and now it's to the point that my alarm goes off, I open my eyes, stare at the bbt sitting on the nightstand for about 2 or 3 minutes, and I feel so hopeless that I just roll over and go back to sleep. I don't know if I'm scared to temp and find out I'm broken, or if I'm scared to temp and find out that I'm not the problem, and have to go through convincing DH to please see a doctor. He's convinced that since he has two already, there is nothing wrong with him. There's nothing I can say....

I love you all and thank you so much for all the support and love you give me. I honestly don't know what I would do without this board, and all you ladies. I say I want to give up all the time, but you always pull me out and make me more determined than ever. I will never give up, but I just feel very scared, and defeated, and nervous, and just sad...

[lunaverde]

To be honest Cyndi, I feel that way more often than not. I keep thinking I must have done something wrong, I don't feel like I'm a real woman anymore, etc. I mean the self-flagellation could go on forever. And on top of that, I'm pretty sure I'm out this cycle, too. So trust me, I get it and I'm right there with you. This sucks!

I'll be praying extra hard for you. Everything you said about wanting to be normal and have a family, I totally could have written that myself. I know I have my two children, but dealing with infertility at any time is just horrible, it makes you feel like crap and so many women will never understand how much of a struggle many of us have gone through. But those of us who have struggled or ARE struggling, we get it and we understand. I know you'll come through this, but know that you have a lot of women here pulling for you.

Love and Blessings!

[captivate]

Oh hunni.

Looks. I wake odd times. I have a split life at the moment with Tony and the business and then home with Serenity. I temp vaginally and its so much better.


If you worry about age then you wont want a break, I have been told off a doc we cant take breaks due to his age ( 48 ) so I know what you mean by age.

My fella used to drink heavily but we only drink now on a weekend and we had a opps baby in May so please do not think anything like that.

When you get to a year tell him you need to get you both checked. I am sure all will be well.

I was 24 when I got checked and nothing. Adam was adamant he was fine as men do. Well he was. He is good at getting women pregnant since he had his affair lol.

Anyway. I feel you. I feel your hopelessness as I have it too deep down inside and the feeling gives me nevous butterflies.

Take a month off, have sex like your a teenager and chart by vagina and opk with me next cycle.

Ill be there every step of the way stalking your chart and cheering yall on. xxx

[twoboys]

I am so sorry, I am new here but I wanted to say