[captivate]

I should be going for my 16week scan tomorrow... ITS ON MY CALENDER...

I should have chucked the calender and got a new one as it had so many pregnancy related dates on it and I thought I would be dealing with it.

I am dealing with it really well i think.. until a mile stone comes up. I should be say here with butterflies friggin excited at the prospect of possibly knowing the sex of my baby!! My baby that would be kicking me right now...

Its gone fast, very fast since I love the baby. I have done well at keeping occupied. When I think about it though it feels like yesterday I heard the dreaded words " You did conceive in the uterus but I can't find a fetal heartbeat"

I will always remember the words.. the way they were said.. the fact I was lay flat all my tears came like rivers.....

Here I am excited about a possible long LP when I should be exited for a scan....

Why is life so cruel.

I was ok, I was really ok.

Dam you ladies need some kudos for listening to me...................

[KayM]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[RoxanneMI]

I am so very sorry that you had to go through this.

[latestartTTC]

Clare I'm so sorry. I had similar moments with my loss that hit me out of the blue. I was due around my bday in April and had a complete come-apart on my bday when I remembered.

Keep your head up but cry when you need to.

[captivate]

Thanks ladies. I am sure there will be always something that triggers it hey.

[LPNMOMMY84]

Clare, I STILL mourn my edd from my first pregnancy that I lost. It was years ago! Its a huge deal. HUGS

[Jeanie915]

My heart aches for you. Unfortunately, I understand the pain. I can't say it gets easier, you just learn to accept. Hugs to you!

[lunaverde]

I can only imagine what you've been through. But my heart aches for you, hun. I don't have any more words, but I just wanted you to know that I care and I hope you start feeling better soon.

[captivate]

Thanks. Being here means so much to me.


I just feel so blah but I think its also because I have just got back from being with my man and we had a wonderful time even though it was short because of the funeral on Thursday... I miss him so much.

[MAS1313]

Awww Hun it sure is not easy, and there will be times that you are sad and that's ok. BIG HUGS coming your way!

[captivate]

Thanks hunni,.

Feel a little better today, pissed about my temp but hell its sunny here in England for a change. x

[livinglife06]

So sorry Clare... hugs

[LaceyMay2630]

[captivate]

OMG I thought again I was doing ok.. then the lady who is 16 weeks pregnant ( same time as me ) came up to me in the playground to compare symptoms... she works full time so never really picks her kids up.. until today.

I analyse the chances of me getting pregnant and having a healthy baby and they are so low..

Why do I torture myself with temp taking and ttc????

Why don't I just give up and live life like I used too?????

I carried Tonys baby for nearly 11 weeks and it was an amazing feeling, I realised how much I love and worshipped my man... I want to make him a daddy. I really more than anything want him to see what being a parent is all about.

Was this our only chance?

i cant TTC for long as the longer I have hope the harder the fall.....

[Grace]

[WorkerBeeMama]

Hugs. Sorry you are going thru this. When I had my MC in 2005 someone I hadn't seen in a while but loved and adored came up to me out of nowhere and put her hand on my stomach and started talking about the baby and I had to tell her I lost it. I don't know who felt worse, her or I. It was not a good morning.

I know you're out this cycle, but that doesn't mean next cycle won't be yours! Keep up the faith.

[captivate]

I lost the faith in ttc a long long time ago.. but im ok with that.

With the fact I can only BD every so often because of issues and we are only together half the week I am not actually TTC am I.. I cant even time it right ffs.

Why am I even bothering? Thats what I ask..

I cant change the day I o or the day we manage to BD so why the hell am I charting and opking.. oh yes to see if I have a longer LP these days but I bet I havent.