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Today is a cruel day. (vent and rant)


Forum: Trying to Conceive

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  #1  
January 13th, 2014, 07:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 4,697
This may get long. So I apologize now.

I have trying so hard to remain positive and up beat and just hopeful that this will happen when its supposed to and everything happens for a reason. I just kept telling myself that the universe has a plan for me and I just don't know what it is yet.
Well today I am saying the plan. How can there be a plan for me or a reason for everything when ridiculous crap keeps happening.
One of my SO's friends girlfriends and I have become close since we all hangout all the time.
She has quite a few kids, 4 or 5 I am not sure she doesn't have custody of them all. Well her and SO's friend have been together like 6 months I think. She had her tubes tied years ago after her last kid. Well you know of course she's pregnant now. Oh and to add fuel to my fire they have decided they aren't ready and aren't keeping it. While I respect their decision 100 percent and she is only 3 weeks at this point but I just ca not take this.

What is wrong with me. Why is it that all these people around can have kids even people who aren't keeping them but here I sit begging and praying and I can't.
How am I not supposed feel like a worthless piece of doody when the one thing my body was meant to do it can't. I seriously don't get it anymore. I have dealt with a lot of other getting pregnant since I have been trying but none that said no thanks.
UGH!! I just want to scream and cry and break down and throw a tantrum because I just don't understand!




okay, starting to get over it. I hate this. But I need to get on with my day. Thanks for reading if you got through my non-sense.
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  #2  
January 13th, 2014, 08:00 AM
~*Tina*~
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,036
omg thats crazy!! dude... i would probably lose it too!! sorry you have to deal with this, its totally not fair in the least. i wish there was something i could say to help... but just know that we are all in it with you and i can somewhat sympathize and you can rant and vent here anytime, or pm me even!! sorry
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  #3  
January 13th, 2014, 08:09 AM
dlammers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norfolk, NE
Posts: 2,900
Oh man...sorry you are dealing with this. I honestly don't have a clue what to say that could even begin to make you feel better. Just know that we are here for you and I really hope that you will get your miracle soon.
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  #4  
January 13th, 2014, 08:29 AM
kto1111's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
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That is really crappy. All I can say is know that your feelings are completely valid and most of us can relate on some level. I wish it could be easy for everyone. TTC really sucks most of the time.
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  #5  
January 13th, 2014, 08:38 AM
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
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Thanks ladies. It really does help have others that can sympathize. I have no idea what I would do with out you or with out this place to vent in.

And since I was feeling really crappy I just bought me and SO tickets to see our favorite band. Falling in Reverse is coming. Ronnie Radke is the lead singer and he used to be with Escape the Fate, well there was a lot drama between the two bands but they are going on tour together and its going to be crazy! So I thought I would treat myself and I bought tickets. Helps me keep my mind off this crazy stupid stuff.
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  #6  
January 13th, 2014, 08:46 AM
MusicFanatic79's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
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Yay for concerts!! I's good to do stuff like that for ourselves, it will get your mind off things.. even if for one night. *hugs* to you.
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  #7  
January 13th, 2014, 08:56 AM
brandis's Avatar Veteran
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Location: AR
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I think I'd feel the same way. Yay for the concert though!
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  #8  
January 13th, 2014, 08:57 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It is so difficult to watch people throw that sort of opportunity away, when some of us pray every night for it to happen. I completely understand.
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  #9  
January 13th, 2014, 09:02 AM
KellJoO's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Wisconsin
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I dont know why either, I ask myself the same question. Its really really unfair and none of it makes any sense! I think we all have people in our lives, acquaintances or family/friends that seem to get pregnant so easily - or have kids they really dont deserve and we all sit here and want it so badly and it just doesn't happen.

Its only normal to get upset about it from time to time! The beauty of it all is that we have a wonderful support system here and the thing that keeps me going is how happy I will be when I finally do get to hold my baby in my arms!

Chin up girl. Big hugs. Have fun at your concert
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  #10  
January 13th, 2014, 09:21 AM
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Thanks ladies. It makes me feel so much better knowing someone understands. Its crazy what a little support does for your state of mind. I love you ladies.
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  #11  
January 13th, 2014, 11:26 AM
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Oh Sam, I am so sorry you are having to hear the talk of how they don't want to keep this child. Big hugs. It does seem unfair doesn't it. We're here for you!
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Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
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  #12  
January 13th, 2014, 11:54 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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I'm sorry Sam! And I really do understand. Since I work in women's health, I watch people who have no business being pregnant have babies every day. Some of them have 5 or 6 and no custody. I just want one... I'd love my baby so much. I want to know why I can't do what I'm suppose to when everyone else in the world can. I don't feel like I deserve a whole lot out of life, but I know I'm fit to be a mother.
My heart breaks for you... And for all of us struggling.
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Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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  #13  
January 13th, 2014, 12:01 PM
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The whole really just makes you feel like something out there is telling you that your not worth it. I think that's the hardest thing to get past in this whole journey.
I know that I would be a great mother and that I would love my child more than anything but not being able to get pregnant while others can so so easily makes you feel like there is something wrong with you. Its so hard to move past and I work on it every day. I just have to trust that in time it will happen. I've always wanted a huge family but now I would settle for one. If I could have more it would be a miracle but right now I just want my one.
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  #14  
January 14th, 2014, 06:27 AM
Diamond2009's Avatar Boss Mama
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Location: Toronto, Canada
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Oh man that would make me sooooo mad too. I feel the exact same way ….i look around at the people that get pregnant around me and think WHY??? why can't I?? What is GOD thinking?? You are not alone hun It will happen soon I pray You will make an amazing mommy
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  #15  
January 14th, 2014, 07:07 AM
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OMG, that is crazy! I hope your day is going better today!
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  #16  
January 14th, 2014, 07:14 AM
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Thanks ladies!
I am doing better. But she asked me if me and SO would come over on Friday to hangout and keep her and him company because that's the day she is getting it done. While I want to, I just don't know. I don't want to be rude, and I know their situations is much different than mine but how can I "be there" for her through this. When if the situation was turned around I could never make the decision she is making. UGHH!! Why is this crap so hard. Why can't we all just have our babies.
Scratch all that.

Apparently she is pregnant with twins and is further along and is still going through with not keeping them. Excuse me while I go crawl under a rock and die now.
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Last edited by hopeful_girl55; January 14th, 2014 at 07:26 AM. Reason: Found something new out.
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  #17  
January 14th, 2014, 07:34 AM
kto1111's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 942
Do they know you guys have been TTC? I think it's unfair and cruel to expect you guys to be her support system through this. And even if they don't know anything about what you're going through, I believe you should still put yourself first... if it will be stressful/emotional/etc for you, avoid the situation all together. I realize we all can't shelter ourselves from people we love getting to experience the joys we seek too, but we don't have to go out or our way to be overly supportive either.

I had never realized how sensitive a subject it could be until I had a few friends really struggle with fertility. Many of them really shut themselves out of the lives of people getting pregnant and having babies because it was just too painful. And a good friend just has to try and understand and respect that choice.
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  #18  
January 14th, 2014, 07:38 AM
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I told her the other day after she told me about all thinking she would not share everything with me. Well that didn't work. I seriously just want hide under a rock now.
She gets twins. TWINS. With her tubes tied, and I can't even get pregnant when I do everything I can. The world has stopped making sense to me.
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  #19  
January 14th, 2014, 08:04 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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That really pisses me off.

I get that she had made her "choice" with getting her tubes tied, and therefore feels entitled to having that done. And it's true each person gets to choose for themselves (though I personally am not pro-choice, I understand the way this works...)

But I think it's really just incredibly brazen and insensitive of her to know what you are going through and to still ask that you support her through this.

I know it sounds rude and insensitive, but I would just tell her no. I would explain that I understand it is a difficult time for her, but you are going through a difficult time of your own. And she will just need to find someone else.
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  #20  
January 14th, 2014, 08:11 AM
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I may have to. She isn't getting me hinting so I may just have to come out and say it. I don't want to be rude, because I am sure this is hard on her, but with everything I have been going through I don't need this. I know she doesn't have many female friends and she isn't telling her mom so that's why she feels the need to lean on me but I told her we have been trying for over a year for a reason! I don't want to know that you giving up the most precious gift in the world to me, something I have been dying for, forever.
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