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coping with the BFN


Forum: Trying to Conceive

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  • 1 Post By MusicFanatic79
  • 1 Post By aStarIsBorn
  • 1 Post By kto1111
  • 2 Post By Mslily1125
  • 1 Post By Knewton

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  #1  
January 15th, 2014, 02:11 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 7
So ive had 6 cycles and have been trying for 4 months (short cycles). I was on the pill for about 10 years. Im trying to remain positive I know that it isnt a long time but I can't help but be sad and wondering if it will happen. I try and not think about it but at the end of the day I want it. I see these people who get pregnant so quickly and then people ask me if im pregnant yet it makes me want to cry. How do others cope with this?
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  #2  
January 15th, 2014, 04:33 AM
MusicFanatic79's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,100
I get involved into my hobbies
I try hard not to become obsessed, because then I take it harder when the BFN comes. So I keep my brain and hands occupied.
Hope it happens for you soon!
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  #3  
January 15th, 2014, 05:25 AM
~*Tina*~
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,036
how short are your cycles?

i agree with PP on doing your best not to obsess over it. take a relaxed approach and it wont be as hard to see the bfn. good luck!
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  #4  
January 15th, 2014, 07:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2,077
It's never easy. Even if it was your first cycle, it would still suck seeing that BFN if you had been trying. Just keep reminding yourself that it can take a while for some and that your time is coming
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  #5  
January 15th, 2014, 07:47 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 2,032
It really gets to me I try and do other things an occupy my brain but it still sucks
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  #6  
January 15th, 2014, 08:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 4,697
We've all been there. And are still there. It is really hard to cope, but some how we manage to keep going.

How short are your cycles? Are you Oing early or is your LP really short? Have you been charting or using OPK's?
Maybe that could help.
Just know we are here for ya.
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  #7  
January 15th, 2014, 08:20 AM
kto1111's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 939
I've found that the only things that help me cope are the constant reminders to myself that what I'm experiencing is still considered normal. When that changes, I know it will be harder. But for now I feel like I'm doing everything I can.

I also try and put a positive spin on my BFNs from month to month. I'll think of something fun we're doing and say "cool, at least now I can have a few drinks there..." Or "the longer it takes us to conceive, the longer we put off having to pay for 2 kids in daycare". Or "at least now I don't NEED a new car for a while longer." Or "now I can focus on this project, or that hobby, or this diet..." I also dream up reasons for why this due date month won't be as good as next month.

If I didn't already have DD, I know I'd feel so much worse. I truly empathize with those of you TTC your first.

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  #8  
January 15th, 2014, 08:49 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2,077
I do the same thing - I keep thinking "Do I really want to be the size of my house in the middle of August?? Do I REALLY???"

..and of course, if I'm being honest, the answer is "Hell yes!" LOL!!
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  #9  
January 15th, 2014, 09:56 AM
brandis's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: AR
Posts: 489
I try to keep myself busy. I don't usually let BFNs get me down, it's not over til the witch shows. When AF shows up, I get sad, but have a snuggly DH to make me feel better.
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  #10  
January 15th, 2014, 10:48 AM
Knewton's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 549
We all feel how you feel. It is frustrating and sad to see people get pregnant so easy and it doesn't seem like they told anyone they were even trying. I know we told everyone when we got married that we wanted to try. Unfortunately my DH worked out of town until july and then I was gone in August so that ENTIRE time people kept asking. Then in oct and nov I went on this pill that messed everything up . Felt like I saw 100's of people get pregnant either on purpose or by accident. People have stopped bugging me so much on it knowing that we haven't' had the best time with him being out of town and knowing we will let them know when it's time. I deal with it by talking to my husband or praying to God and reading bible passages. I know that it will happen but I am not a patient person, I mean when you decide you want something your do the Varuca Salt thing and say " I WANT IT NOW!" ( willy wonka in case no one remembers ! And when you think you will fall in the 1-6 month category and it doesn't happen even more frustrating. Thankfully you have us ladies to vent to and if you are religious at all praying seems to ease my mind, God didn't make us with a spirit of fear and anxious. Thats the enemy creeping in !
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  #11  
January 15th, 2014, 10:55 AM
Knewton's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by kto1111 View Post
I've found that the only things that help me cope are the constant reminders to myself that what I'm experiencing is still considered normal. When that changes, I know it will be harder. But for now I feel like I'm doing everything I can.

I also try and put a positive spin on my BFNs from month to month. I'll think of something fun we're doing and say "cool, at least now I can have a few drinks there..." Or "the longer it takes us to conceive, the longer we put off having to pay for 2 kids in daycare". Or "at least now I don't NEED a new car for a while longer." Or "now I can focus on this project, or that hobby, or this diet..." I also dream up reasons for why this due date month won't be as good as next month.

If I didn't already have DD, I know I'd feel so much worse. I truly empathize with those of you TTC your first.

I do the same! If I am being honest we are leaving in 40 days to the Dominican and I thought for sure I would have been pregnant by our first anniversary in a month or that vaca but I also kept thinking how not being able to enjoy champagne and stuff would be kinda sucky ! I could get pregnant this cycle and of course I would be happy but if it happens in feb and and we don't know tell we get back I would be ecstatic as well… We also have paid off vehicles that are all nice but we would like to take my truck in and get a nice jeep or tahoe once we are expecting … I keep thinking I hate to imagine a car payment so when we don't' get a BFP I am a little like "okay " its fine . I have a DD as well so it all seems to make it easier.
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  #12  
January 15th, 2014, 12:19 PM
Fist Pumping Champ
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 9,659
While AF is her it really gets me down. I might've cried the first day this cycle. But when it leaves I just get hopeful and excited to TTC all over again and pray that it's finally my month.
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  #13  
January 15th, 2014, 03:39 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 540
If your cycles are that short, maybe you should ask your doctor about them. Mine are normally very short, my doctor thought it was a problem and I conceived both my kids on clomid which fixed the problem. I was ovulating fine but my luteal phase was short.
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