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Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*


Forum: Trying to Conceive

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  #1  
March 10th, 2014, 08:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,382
Last night DH and I had a family event to attend. We've been doing a pretty good job avoiding large groups of family members who all know what we have been dealing with. Well last night, it was unavoidable. It went pretty well for the most part, but I received a lot of sympathetic looks and multiple people asking "are you ok"... I want to say "no." But I answer "oh yeah, I'm fine". Then they ask "well did y'all have a good vacation" where I wish I could respond "no, it was the worst few days of my life...it happens to be the time I found out my IUI failed"... But of course I say "yeah! We enjoyed it!"

Then the advice rolls in....
"You know, my daughters had the same problem and I told them to relax, and when they finally listened to me, they were pregnant in 2 months!"
AND
"If you want to get pregnant, you're going to need to put on some weight"
AND
"Why don't y'all try just enjoying each other and not think about it?"


Ugh I have a headache.
__________________
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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  #2  
March 10th, 2014, 09:02 AM
Fist Pumping Champ
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 9,737
Ugh, the unwarranted advice. You poor thing.
MoreThanEnough and Hope2Be13 like this.
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May 2013 - Ectopic pregnancy
July 2014 - Miscarriage

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  #3  
March 10th, 2014, 09:11 AM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansa City, MO
Posts: 2,006
So sorry hun! People just dont understand and altho they think they are helping they are really not. For alot of people they just wont undrstand or even try to understand until they are experiencing it for themeselves. Unfortunately ive learned that lesson the hard way with dealing with discrimination. Just keep your head up and ignore them. I know thats alot easier said than done
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Amanda, patner to Angel
TTC our first!!
Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06
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  #4  
March 10th, 2014, 09:18 AM
KellJoO's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,960
Nothing worse than people who think they know it all and how to make you feel better. I'm sorry hun. The truth is, unless they've ever had struggles conceiving themselves, they will NEVER understand your feelings or what you've been through. And even then, their story is different. People just dont understand that or grasp that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut! HUGS!
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  #5  
March 10th, 2014, 09:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,382
I know they try to help, but I also know I have problems bigger than stress. I want to scream "relaxing won't help!!! I DO NOT OVULATE...EVER!"....or "I DONT HAVE CYCLES!". It's not like a get a period every month and know I'm not pregnant. If I don't take injectable meds, I just don't have a period at all. I don't think "relaxing" or "enjoying each other" will increase my chances of getting pregnant with an ovulation disorder. Stupid.....
__________________
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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  #6  
March 10th, 2014, 09:48 AM
~*Tina*~
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,138
i hate hearing that you just need to relax. my mom actually told me that i needed to have sex at the right time. uhmmmm yeah, thanks mom. i think they mean well but just have no idea. sorry
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  #7  
March 10th, 2014, 09:52 AM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansa City, MO
Posts: 2,006
Thats true. And unfotrunately thats part of what they arent understanding. because since theyve had no troubles they dont think to think about not O ing and things like that becuase its not something theyve had to think about before. And its very possible that they may not even understand that Not Oing means its not possible to conceive. People def need to learn to keep their mouth shut but some just dont know how. you got this girl, keep your head up
Hope2Be13 likes this.
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Amanda, patner to Angel
TTC our first!!
Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06
Mom to Ryden, Angel in Heavan 5/21/10








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  #8  
March 10th, 2014, 09:58 AM
rusticbythesea01's Avatar Steph
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Virginia Bch
Posts: 3,613
Oh, hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My family members have told me to relax too and not think about it, and I have cycles and that realllllllly ticked me off, so I can't even imagine what you're going through right now.
Hope2Be13 likes this.
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2/10/14 @ 6w3d
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  #9  
March 10th, 2014, 10:12 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,382
Yeah I actually had to consider that most people have no clue how conception actually takes place. None of my friends have to think about ovulation, which cycle day they are on, follicle numbers and sizes, CM, etc... When I start rambling on about these things they look at me like I have 2 heads. But some of these things are too personal to talk to family about. It's one thing to discuss your sex life and fertility with friends, but when your grandma comes into the picture, I'd rather keep it rated PG... Even if that means her telling me to "relax" lol!
__________________
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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  #10  
March 10th, 2014, 11:04 AM
WaitinginNJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,280
Family can be the worse and the best group of supporters. You and your husband deal with your situation the way you are and just keep rolling those eyes at everyone else.
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June 6, 2014

My Ovulation Chart





My Ovulation Chart
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  #11  
March 10th, 2014, 11:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,382
Quote:
Originally Posted by WaitinginNJ View Post
Family can be the worse and the best group of supporters. You and your husband deal with your situation the way you are and just keep rolling those eyes at everyone else.
Hahaha yeah I'm mastering the art of eye rolling!
__________________
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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  #12  
March 10th, 2014, 12:36 PM
Calendula's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,517
They are so right, though. Just relax and enjoy yourselves and don't think about it! Like all medical problems, it just magically goes away if you don't think about it and act like everything is fine.
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  #13  
March 10th, 2014, 12:43 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North Texas
Posts: 17,683
Fertility is one of the most misunderstood areas of health and I'm convinced people think its all magic and fairy dust. Just somehow completely ignore it and it will get better. We do not ever tell people this with any other health issue or body related thing. Feel crappy? Ignore it! Have diabetes? Don't stress it. How about cancer? My friend took a cruise and it cured her!

I blame half of the problem on crappy sex ed programs. People don't understand how it works at all.
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  #14  
March 10th, 2014, 02:44 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,132
I am sooo sorry.
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  #15  
March 10th, 2014, 03:19 PM
2EverAfter's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 725
Blah, so sorry! Even the advice is coming from people who *want* to support you, doesn't make it any less annoying and *not* helpful. Hang in there!
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  #16  
March 10th, 2014, 04:30 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 3,363
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellJoO View Post
Nothing worse than people who think they know it all and how to make you feel better. I'm sorry hun. The truth is, unless they've ever had struggles conceiving themselves, they will NEVER understand your feelings or what you've been through. And even then, their story is different. People just dont understand that or grasp that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut! HUGS!
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  #17  
March 10th, 2014, 05:23 PM
bella88's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,058
Oh, but did you try having more sex? Also, if you stop trying that will fix it! Ugh sorry you got stuck listening to everyone's sh!tty advice .
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  #18  
March 10th, 2014, 05:30 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,382
Quote:
Originally Posted by bella88 View Post
Oh, but did you try having more sex? Also, if you stop trying that will fix it! Ugh sorry you got stuck listening to everyone's sh!tty advice .
Oh yes... Why didn't I think to try sex!?!
__________________
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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  #19  
March 10th, 2014, 05:41 PM
bella88's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,058
I think apparently any time it takes more than a month or two it's like people assume that the couple are both simultaneously having not enough and having too much sex and that either way it's not spontaneous enough for conception. Maybe all it takes to get knocked up when you're maybe a teen with prime fertility is one whoops but yeah... it actually takes time and work. I always laugh at the "they gave up/relaxed and got pregnant straight away" like it negates the months/years they were trying previously. Didn't occur that maybe they were overdue for a bfp by the time cycle 19 rolled around?
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