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What would you do?


Forum: Am I Pregnant

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  • 1 Post By Rachel
  • 1 Post By Urchin

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  #1  
January 6th, 2014, 09:27 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Location: Atlantic Canada
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So..this isn't necessarily an AIP question...but I would really appreciate your input.

My 17 year old half sister (we have the same father) texted me last night and said she thinks she might be pregnant. She said she was supposed to get her period this past Saturday (Jan 4), but on Jan 31 (Tuesday), she had some brown/red spotting and that was it. She started googling and was scared that it was implantation bleeding.

She's been on birthcontrol pills for 3 years and has a history of not taking them correctly, but she hasn't had anything like this happen before.

So, given the circumstance, she should get an accurate test result now. She's buying a test today or tomorrow. I am hoping and praying she isn't pregnant.

Now, my dilemma is this: Do I tell her mother?

I am very close to her Mom. More-so than to my sister. There are 10 years between me and my sis, but only 8 between me and her mom (yah...the whole situation is a doozie).

My sister, honestly, is a train wreck. She has been having a lot of trouble dealing with the fact that my father (for a variety of reasons) has not been overly active in her life. Since she was around 14, she's become increasingly promiscuous, dabbles in weed, drinks, and does very odd things for attention. A couple of months ago she was admitted to hospital for taking a bottle of tylenol in a "suicide attempt," which was determined to be a cry for attention. Everything she does, is a cry for attention. She does awful, awful things to get attention...which leads me to think that this pregnancy scare may be another such move.

We're not overly close, and I do feel glad that she came to me with this concern, that she feels like I am a good person to come to. At the same time, I am BEYOND frustrated and mad. I have always approached her, talked to her, showed concern for how she's feelings. I've taken the initiative to forge a bond. I've talked to her about our Dad, told her that none of it is her fault. I have gently offered advice on being "careful." It's just really frustrating when only a month ago, I talked to her about being safe with this new boyfriend of hers. She just got accepted into a pre-veterinary program at a highly regarded university...

Sorry, I am ranting, back to the point, should I talk to her mom about this? I don't want to sever what little trust my sister has in me, but the mother in me feel like, if it were my daughter in the situation, I would want to know.

I need opinions...please let me know what you would do in this situation.
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  #2  
January 6th, 2014, 10:06 AM
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This is just a hard situation to be in all the way around because there's so many variables. My first reaction is to say wait a little bit...see what happens with the test...and go from there. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she felt betrayed by you going to her mother right away after she took the initiative to come to you and trust you with what is going on with her. Regardless of her previous actions or behaviors leading up to the situation she is in, I definitely get the impression that she's scared and concerned or she wouldn't have gone to anyone. In that way, it probably wouldn't help the situation to have her mother angry at her while she still doesn't know what is going on. That being said, you did mention that you are close to her mother, so if you might be able to talk to her about with the assurance that she will handle the situation calmly (even if she's mad), then talking to her is probably an okay way to go. Ultimately, though, it seems like a discussion with her mother could be necessary...obviously if she is pregnant it will have to happen, but even if she is not and there's something else going on, or the birth control issue needs to be revisited, a conversation may need to be had. Could you talk to her about talking to her mother together? Maybe that would help her to feel like she has some support.
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  #3  
January 6th, 2014, 10:11 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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That's so tough. I think I would wait to see what the test results are. If positive, talk to her mom right away. If negative, maybe ask her to talk to her mom about it and let her know that you're willing to facilitate it.
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  #4  
January 6th, 2014, 10:31 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Thank you so much so far for the advice. I really appreciate some clear advice when my mind is spinning.
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  #5  
January 6th, 2014, 12:09 PM
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I think I would say to her that it's good that she confided in you. But no matter what the test says she will have to tell her mom. If she doesn't tell her then she leaves you with no choice but to tell her, because it puts u in an awkward place.
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  #6  
January 6th, 2014, 12:25 PM
JennyForrest's Avatar Hoping & Praying
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Wait to see what the test says first. If it is positive support her and offer to be there when she tells her mom. She came to you for a reason and not her mom. If you tell her mom, she may never trust you with something like this again. She came to you because she trust you and you never wait to break that trust. Imagine if you do break her trust and next time she does not feel she has anyone to talk to about this, and has to deal with it all on her own. :-( Best thing you can do it just be there for her, help her either way. If she is not pregnant talk to her about what could have happen so that she takes her pill everyday. Like set an alarm on her phone to go off at the same time everyday. Always have her pills in her purse so no matter where she is she can take them.
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  #7  
January 6th, 2014, 03:14 PM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Thank you again. I am taking some of your suggestions and putting them in action.

Now, to update, SHE IS NOT PREGNANT!!! HURRAAHHHH!

I am so relieved for her.

I have been nicely talking to her about taking this sttessful event & learning from it.
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  #8  
January 7th, 2014, 03:29 PM
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Glad to hear that she is not pregnant.
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