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I just got off the phone with my mom. I asked her point blank, with no financial help, would Frederick and I be welcome in Kentucky. My mom wasn't too happy about my sister going to bat for me. My own mom answered: I don't know. I'd have to talk to Gary (dad). You need to ask him.
In otherwords..... I'm not welcome! I am so hurt, devistated, crying right now as I type this. I feel like I was just gutted.
I wanted so badly to leave here. I think it's bad to be in the same city! It's like giving an addict what they crave/keep doing.
I don't know where to go. I can't take anymore hurt right now.
Do you all have any ideas where I should go???
Am I wrong to back off communication from my mom?? I can understand the financial no but no to me paying my own way?!
My own dad doesn't want me there. Guess.. I shouldn't be surprised considering he was an abuser himself.. Verbally. Growing up.. He'd threaten to shove us into walls, throw us off the deck.. Etc..
Ria, your sister wants you there. Your parents might not but she does. You have a chance for a new life there. While you're getting better and getting on your feet, ignore them. Have no contact. They're toxic to you right now. Just look at what they've done to you so far today! You were on top of the world just a short time ago...you speak to your mother and BAM back at the bottom. You are not wrong to break off communications with your mother at all! Remember I told you before that some people will try to keep you down because it makes them feel better? Well here's a prime example! Don't let her have that control over you. If you want to go live with your sister--which sounds like a terrific opportunity for you!--then you go right ahead and do just that! Don't let your mother or father make you change your mind on that.
Things will work out. You just go right ahead and follow through with your plans.
Yes, go to your sisters! If that's where your welcome. Also if that no longer becomes an option, not sure where you're located, but there's got to be a friend or a shelter nearby that will help you out. When I was going through the battle of should I leave, should I not. My mother was the WORST person to talk to. When I'd call her up crying telling her how he called me a worthless bi*** she'd say 'well isn't it true?' ... yep! my own mom. And after I got back, she'd tell me things like the divorce was my fault, that how he treated me was my fault, that I asked for it... and what I came to realize was, she was jealous. My mother took the same if not worse abuse for 30 years, and still ongoing from my dad. I had the strength to get out and she didn't. SHe thinks sticking in is being strong. And if she were to admit that I was in the right, then she would start feeling guilt. So her lashing out is sort of a protective mechanism so to say. I would recommend staying away from your mom if you can. You need people who will support you 100% right now, later on when you get on your feet and get stronger maybe. But if you can, and your mom calls I would just say something like "Mom, I love you but you're not helping me right now so I can't talk." GL and I hope things work out for you soon!
Raean, 27 - single mom to Chloe (1.31.03) & Savanna (8.26.05)