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Custody questions


Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
November 4th, 2009, 11:39 AM
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While I'm working on a shelter to go to, I had a custody question..

Do any of you all know how I can get supervised visitation on fredericks
daddy? I'm nervous and not wanting him to have regular visitation because of how he is/what he says and or threatened/asks at times.
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  #2  
November 4th, 2009, 01:40 PM
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I think you will have to actually have proof or documentation that applies to abuse to Frederick only.

If you are really concerned, you can call CPS for information, you can request a guardian ad litem for Frederick when you submit a proposed parenting plan, and if you have to, and call the police if he hurts Frederick, of course.

But documentation is vital. Otherwise it looks like it's just a nasty divorce and you both are emotional and playing tug of war and using a child in the worst way. If you dont have documentation, it is just your word against his. You know all he has to do is show up in the court room wearing his uniform....lol.

DOCUMENTATION, Ria.
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  #3  
November 4th, 2009, 02:13 PM
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Documentation like the police reports I have where he threatened to pop me and Frederick and where he asked little man if he wanted kicked in the head??

Will that help? I'm waiting for him to do another recording threatening to give Frederick something to cry about.. Then I'll update police reports
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  #4  
November 4th, 2009, 04:45 PM
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Those will help!! I would gather everything and document as much as I can. Calling CPS isn't a bad idea either! I would maybe call a lawyer and just get a free phone consult asking for their advice... some will do that! Unfortunately you can't just get supervised visitation unless there's a solid documented reason. I would also let CPS know what you are doing and when, if you can, call the DA and Sherriff dept and let them know as well (as long as that's safe to do) just so if/when he calls them after coming home to see you gone, the authorities are notified already and they can say 'She didn't kidnap your kid she left.' kind of thing. And PLEASE make sure you file your papers asap after leaving. Like I've told you before, my EX got to the filing before I did and it made a huge mess, where I was fighting him in his ball court basically. GL and hope you're getting more answers Ria We're here for you.
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  #5  
November 4th, 2009, 07:53 PM
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Thanks.. That's what I'm nervous on.. Him filing first. I've got to get to my state and go straight into legal and file custody papers right away.

Tonight was just awful...

he scared the crud out of little man. He has him on his shoulders and little man wasn't hanging on.. And so he fell backwards dangling down while Martin had
him by his ankles.. He cried and cried and was so scared..

Martin was so rough and wouldn't let me get him.

then I asked *one* thing from him after dinner.. If he would change little man and put his sleeper on him.. While i put the sheets on his bed.. He stripped him and then started playing with him.. Which normally don't mind.. But it's little mans bedtime
and I had asked him for help..

So I had to change him and put him to bed.

Then we get to talking.. And I told him about my birth family some.. And he quoted- normally the abused stay with the abuser..

And that he wasn't abusive.. He was critisizing things I do/say.. Or how I'm 'acting' ..

So where does... Asking me if I want punched fit in?!?! Or popped?!? Yeah... Think again
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  #6  
November 7th, 2009, 02:50 PM
Rebecca^'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't know, it sounds like you guys need counseling. I honestly don't think your husband is really trying to abuse your son. I think he just doesn't know how to appropriately father his child. Has he ever physically abused your son? I don't know about you but if my husband was doing something to me or my child where it made me think I couldnt leave my child alone with him, I would not be there anymore. Isn't your husband in the military? Why don't you just call his command? They will remove him from the home if he is being abusive and get him help. I guess I am confused. Good Luck.
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  #7  
November 9th, 2009, 08:28 AM
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Sometimes though, the command doesn't always do what they could or should-sometimes its easier swept under the rug.

I just think he knows how to push all your buttons and knows that you will take care of Frederick so that makes it easier for him to not (or maybe he wants you to think that) Sounds like he's scared.....

You and Frederick are not in immediate danger then? Otherwise you certainly would have left by now, right?
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  #8  
November 9th, 2009, 08:42 AM
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If the Command won't do anything you call the MP's - they will automatically remove him from the home for 72 hours and they will assign you a Victim's Advocate who will help you work though this. I know, I have been through this with my own husband when he was having some issues and treating me in a rough way. We have been down the same road. We got counseling, he got individual treatment and even some meds for PTSD related symptoms and we are good now, great even! Use the resources you have there at hand. Call armyonesource - they are a wealth of knowledge and just there to help you! On their website it says "call and chat anytime" they will help you or at least direct you if the above avenues are not working for you. 1-800-342-8647.
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  #9  
November 9th, 2009, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca^ View Post
I don't know, it sounds like you guys need counseling. I honestly don't think your husband is really trying to abuse your son. I think he just doesn't know how to appropriately father his child. Has he ever physically abused your son? I don't know about you but if my husband was doing something to me or my child where it made me think I couldnt leave my child alone with him, I would not be there anymore. Isn't your husband in the military? Why don't you just call his command? They will remove him from the home if he is being abusive and get him help. I guess I am confused. Good Luck.
He's said stuff like, Frederick is as retarded as his mom. Asked if he wanted kicked in the head with his mil boots on, said he was going to pop him, that he's a whiney brat, Spanks him too hard/much IMO, left messages on his lil Elmo phone saying stuff like sit down, shut up, or he'd give him something to cry about.

His first shirt back at dyess wouldn't do anything. They promote family togetherness. He won't do counseling. He doesn't think he needs it.
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  #10  
November 10th, 2009, 05:41 AM
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I am going to tell you what CID told me when my ex-dh's command told me I couldnt leave the state, when family advocacy told me I couldnt leave the state, and when the MPs told me I couldnt leave the state with our daughter, because she was his too and we had equal rights and that I couldnt move back home without the commands permission.

Yes it took it going all the way to CID before someone would listen and then they said, ma'am you are a civilian, he is not and if you want to take an extended vacation, you can for as long as you like. I left within a week. When family advocacy tried to press charges against me, CID put a stop to it in a second and said if they harrassed me again, they would be facing charges.

You are not in the military and you do not have to go through them. You can leave if you want and he cant stop you, nor can they. Leave, file for seperation and child support. You will get part of his pay and part of his BAH. Now I never did this because I was scared and wanted him to leave me alone, but I learned that I should have and that most of his threats were just that, threats and nothing more. In the end, the military has his best interests at heart and wont help much, but they do have to obey the law. That means he has to help support your son and cannot harrass you. Report him everytime, if they MPs wont remove him, call the local police who will make the MPs remove him.

Do not let him treat you or your son this way. If you have him removed, he cant come near you, if he does, call the police again. KEEP DOING IT. DO NOT STOP. Do not worry about him getting in trouble, losing rank, or losing pay. Worry about the fact that one time he may actually kick your son in the head. Do you want that. Being abusive is not just physical and if he is threatening you, they have to make him leave and put him in the barracks. If they dont, call the local police, the military gets embarrassed pretty easily.

Honey I know how scary it is, believe me I do. I never said anything because he always said he would say I did stuff to him and I would go to jail too and lose my kids if I ever told. I was scared and actually it was my friend who finally had enough and called the MPs on him. He did what he said and family advocacy threatened me up one side and down the other. I fought tho and fought hard and like I said before, it took CID getting involved and telling them they were to back away and leave me be or they were looking at some serious trouble.

You can do it and you need to start now, the more you report, the more you will have on your side. Make them put him in the barracks, then pack up and leave. Do it now, before his threats become more than just threats.
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  #11  
November 10th, 2009, 06:30 AM
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What's CID? No, I don't want the threats to become
more then threats. I've got things packed and ready to go. The problem is, the shelters here are full.

The cars in his name. He said if I took off with it, he'd report it as stolen. If I take off with frederick he'll say I kidnapped him. I have no access to the bank accounts. I have 10.00 to do laundry today. That's it.

I'm not apposed to a shelter if they would just get an opening.

Hopefully legal aid lawyer calls me today like they should. It's perfect time to talk. He's gone till 630 tonight with schooling.
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  #12  
November 10th, 2009, 07:04 AM
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Ria I know you're scared and you don't have money. There's got to be a way for you to get into the bank accounts so you can get out. Does he keep money in his wallet that you could get to? Do you know the PIN for your ATM card?
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  #13  
November 10th, 2009, 07:46 AM
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He gave me 10.00 for laundry. I don't have ATM cards. He has usaa and meritrust. But I don't have power of attorney to get into the accounts.

I honestly do not have access to the $. Without a court order, I can't even get finance to give me his bah or child support. This is why I'm so frustrated. I want to leave. I'd leave with the clothes on our backs if we had the $.

He locked the jewelry up he got me so I can't pawn it. He even locked up the wii so I can't pawn that.
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  #14  
November 19th, 2009, 09:20 AM
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What will it be 'useful' for?

Ria,

CID=Criminal Investigation Division
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  #15  
November 19th, 2009, 09:35 AM
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I was just going to add this - the fastest way i know of to get a court order for child support and not have to pay a dime is to GET ON STATE AID - WELFARE. Those folks do not mess around. I have been through a divorce and had to go this route when I told my ex I wanted out and he promptly moved out, cut off any money he had been giving me, stopped paying the rent, and then had our vehicle voluntarily repossessed. Yes, I just woke up one morning, had my three kids and was heading to take them to school and no freaking van in the parking spot. That second, I went to the neighbor's house, asked for a ride to the welfare office and applied for welfare and any other assistance I could get. That included foodstamps, housing help, and child care subsidy. I was on welfare for a total of about 60 days before I was fully employed with health benefits for me and my kids. However, I wasn't making a ton of money so I still qualified for some housing help and the child care subsidy. In addition to this.... THE COURT ORDER THAT THE WELFARE DEPARTMENT OBTAINED FOR ME WAS STILL IN AFFECT and once I stopped getting state aid that child support came straight to me instead of to reimburse the welfare department.

If you want something bad enough, you can make it happen.
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  #16  
November 19th, 2009, 10:00 AM
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Wow...

I've talked to people and I think I got some answers.

What's 'useful'?

What's your story duke?
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