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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
February 7th, 2010, 03:52 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
I met up with him to finish the parenting plan. It's close but not quite finished. Minor irritations are to be expected but no name calling this time! He is now addressing a move within the parenting plan. He agrees to pay half the attorney. But wasn't willing to take any of the house bills...and I almost dont care anymore. It still burns me that I worked so hard to have his credit in good standing for our future only for him to reap the benefits? And the only thing he is responsibly is the wasteful spending he did after he left? Opening new credit cards, laptops, cell phones, video games on his cards while I struggled to just keep the heat on and the kids fed? He had no rent and still doesn't. They have turned their heads all this time and let him stay in the barracks rent free while receiving basic allowance. No responsibilities whatsoever. I have had it all. I know I just need to let it go...but it hurts still. Sometimes I wonder if I should let it go to trial anyway? Maybe I wouldn't be stuck with ALL the past house bills, and request HE pay the attorney fees. But then again, sometimes I just want to suck it up, for the sake of getting it over with. This has been toooo long....then again its only 6 weeks away, you know?

He says he has been saving his money and got something for himself that is perfectly legal. He pulled out a gun! A REAL gun. Said its not loaded and asked if I wanted to hold it. I told him no thanks. Yes I was !@$#$# nervous! And he says, 'you know that I would never hurt you, right?' I cant @$#%#%! believe this! THIS is @$%#% crazy! and WHY would you show someone a gun that NEVER asked to see it, doesnt like guns??????????????????/(My first thought was, OMG....what if he went whacko and killed someone and my fingerprints were on it. Secondly, OMG...why isn't it mandatory that people have psych evals before being granted a gun permit!??? And finally, if he can't keep it on base, where does he keep it??) Sure enough, where my son is all weekend. He says he keeps it locked up in a safe....(then what the hell is he doing with it?) Accidents happen ALL the time with guns and he is a forgetful person. My worst fears and thoughts kick in as I think about the babies. He leaves it on the table forgetting.....and the older baby gets a hold of it..... Im just sick to my stomach. You read about it all too often...never imagining it happening to your own child. I know I sound like I am going overboard here with fear...but if you had been married to him, knew the psychological stuff, I am pretty sure you would understand. And then he tells me that that he was raised with guns and has pictures of himself in diapers holding a gun. So guess what? He wants the boys to do the same.
This is the first time I felt true fear rip through me when it comes to him and the babies. I wish someone knew him personally so you could truly grasp WHY I am feeling this way. Oh Lord...what do I do? I am sooooo upset over this!
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  #2  
February 7th, 2010, 06:27 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
I think you should call the police & give them the information in regards to the gun and what transpired first & foremost.

Now as to the bills of the house - if his name is on the mortgage or the lease, or there are bills that were in his name as well, then I think you should ask for a trial to reap some of the cost that he was not paying, especially if he wasn't paying child support on top of that.
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  #3  
February 7th, 2010, 07:21 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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Once again, KrazE hit the nail on the head! Call the cops! If nothing else, you go on record as having been concerned about his mental state and the fact that he has a gun. Perhaps when they talk to him they can get some insight into what he is thinking. And trust me, I completely understand your fears! My ex ALWAYS wanted to have a gun and for 20 years listened to me about not having one because we had kids! Then one day he shows up with a shotgun! By this time the marriage was on it's last leg so naturally, I was concerned. Well the night it hit the fan, his last words were "I'll kill everyone in the f*&^ing house!" as he headed tothe basement--the only place I would consent to keeping it. Yeah, belive me...I UNDERSTAND!
As for the rest of it, I think you ought to go after him for the whole lot. It ticks me off to no end to see a father spending money on himself on toys when his children are going without basic needs. I can't ever imagine doing that to my kids. They've always come first in my book. Your ex has gotten away with far too much during these past months. He's caused you unnecessary expenses, been a constant source of stress and aggrivation, dragged this whole process out much longer than it needed to be and just been an a** in general. He needs to be held accountable for the expenses and time. He should be held accountable for being an a** but then we'd have to line all our exes up and hold them all accountable and who has time for that?
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  #4  
February 7th, 2010, 10:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
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Why did your ex want a gun, Dani?
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  #5  
February 8th, 2010, 02:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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He grew up with them. In his mind, every home should have one or more. In my mind, you have kids OR you have guns...not both. Sorry for all you gun lovers out there--not passing judgement just my opinion. I had this brought home to me 3 years ago when my daughter's best friend and his brother were playing around with a gun a friend had brought over and his brother accidentally shot and killed him. One life lost because some idiot decided it would be ok to leave a gun where a child could get ahold of it. I think your ex's idea of taking pictures of the boys with guns is just plain stupid! There is NO REASON for that. NONE! You want those pictures? Go to the toy store and buy a plastic gun that looks real. You do NOT put a gun in the hands of a child no matter what! I recall a story a year or two ago where a man took his 8-9 yr old son to a gun show and let him shoot an uzi or some such nonsense. The thing recoiled and the boy wound up killing himself. And that was with dozens of gun afficionados around and supposedly a trained professional gun salesman and his own father who had also been around guns all his life. I have shot a gun before. I understand the idea behind protection and yes, there are places in this world that you need to own guns in order to be safe. I have never lived in one and neither has my ex. I refused to allow guns in the house and it wasn't until he came home with that one that we had one. The old saying guns don't kill people--people kill people...that may be true. But if it weren't for guns in a home, my daughters best friend would be here still and so would so many other innocent men, women and children. Oh and her friend? He was only 15 when he died. He was a great kid. He had a future and he loved my daughter as though she were his sister. They shared laughter and tears and supported each other through many difficult times including when she was raped. She lost a wonderful friend and the world lost a really good kid. Because guns don't kill people. His brother is in prison doing 20-life. The friend who brought the gun was a minor and got a year probation but has to live with what happened for the rest of his life. My daughter's friend doesn't have that luxury. So many lives ruined...
Sorry...got a little preachy there but it bothers me so much.
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  #6  
February 8th, 2010, 10:15 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 590
My ex brought up the gun this toward me and my current husband. He had and license and collected guns. We've taken the kids out shooting and they all love it. But they know all the rules and our guns are kept locked in a safe. We are very pro 2nd amendment in our house. The ex doesn't like it.

I don't mean to make light of her fears and I do believe that are rational. Guys suck.
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  #7  
February 9th, 2010, 12:50 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
I dont care what everyone else does in their house. I care about my sons. The moral of the story and basis of fear lies in WHO has the gun and WHO is 'teaching' them about guns. I wasn't attempting a debate...to each their own. Im quite sure your husband is quite different than my ex. otherwise...well, you wouldn't be married to him.......
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