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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
February 10th, 2010, 10:47 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 590
My 14 yr old calls this morning and asked if she had to come over tonight. She said we would just fight and she'd end up going home early. I told her to not come then.

It's kind of a long story, but I had them this weekend and everything was going well until Sunday. I gave the phone back to my 12 yr old and told her that I didn't want them texting and calling a bunch. They said ok. Well we had to go to Costco to take a battery back my DH needed it. My 14 yr old let my 12 yr old use her ipod in exchange for the phone. I had got after her for texting and finally I told her to give it to me then I told her to give me the ipod too. ( I'm sick of them being electro zombies). That's when the #%&^ hit the fan. I tried to get it from her and then my DH did. She started screaming at us and kicked my husband. We called her dad to come and get her even though I could have her until Tuesday. We are both just sick of the fighting. Her dad came and got her and I guess she had her phone taken away for texting. Costco security was getting ready to throw her/us out.

I don't know? I feel like I just can't take it anymore, she's rude and nasty to my husband and I. She's mean to my other kids. Thingss had been going ok for a while ( while she gets her way) My husband and I have strick rules and she doesn't like that.

I have a reason to be freaking about the texting because less then a year ago she got cought sending topless pics., among other things.

Sorry to keep rattling I hope I did the right thing. I know I should make her come but why if everyone is misserable.
???????
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  #2  
February 11th, 2010, 02:50 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
I have a 13 year old....and she got a cell phone for Christmas since I felt it would be appropriate seeing as how she is doing her horses, or with her friends....she lost it three days after opening it. I saw an inappropriate text from a boy on there and that was it and hasn't had it since. She IS still alive, by the way....sometimes they think they will 'just die' if they dont have their Ipods or phones....I can't send mine off with dad. Not even for a few hours...

Mine thinks the world revolves solely around her right now.
I just want you to know that you are not in he// alone....LOL!

I can only imagine what I would do in your shoes.....I don't think I would make her come to my house. I think she is old enough to decide when she wants to go. The one thing I would NOT do EVER is give up asking her if she would like to come. Do you call her midweek? Keep asking her. Keep trying. JMO

As for doing the right thing...the way I see it, the most important thing is consistency. If you make a rule, stick with it. HUGS!!!! This has got to be sooo tough on you.

Last edited by hopenot4gotten; February 11th, 2010 at 03:06 AM.
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  #3  
February 11th, 2010, 05:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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About ayear ago, my daughter--normally a sweet girl--began this spiral into monsterhood. She was 17 at the time so it's not like I could say she was hormonal or blame it on becoming a teenager. Teenagers are horrible creatures who do believe that no one exists except to please them and be their whipping boy. Anyway, she was angry and disobedient and disrespectful and I had enough! I gave her a chore to do--clean up the living room that she had trashed. I got a lot of lip but stuck to my guns. Clean it up or you don't go anywhere this weekend! "I'm going to my dads! You can't stop me from doing that!" Seriously? You want to go there with me little girl? Cause I can prove my power...lol So I told her, "YOu're not oging anywhere. Possibly forever if you keep this up!" Ten minutes later I hear the front door slam. OHHELLNOYOUDIDNOT! I went storming out of the house and said "You get your butt back in the house RIGHT NOW!" "NO!" Stunned silence..."WHat did you say? GET IN THE HOUSE NOW! You are GROUNDED for the next week!" "God mom, why do youhave to be such a bi***? I ***** hate you!" I reacted by slapping her. I don't hit my kids and Lord knows she was too old for a spanking but it was a flash reaction and it is what it is. BUT...she hit me back. My sweet, loving, wonderful daughter who I held in such high regard hit me! The same daughter who I have ruined my credit with hospital bills from the 25 -3 day stays in pediatric ICU when her diabetes was so far out of control. The same one I had gone to bat for with her dad and held her and tried to comfort when her dad would call her all sorts of horrible names and "throw her out of his life" everytime she didn't act the way he thought she should. I called her dad and told him to come and get her for a few days while I figured out what to do. I got on the internet and was stunned to find out that DEPRESSION often manifests itself as anger in teens. Not sadness...anger. My daughter was depressed and I hadn't seen it. I took her to our family doctor and asked him and he confirmed what I had found and put her on an antidepressant. LESS THAN ONE WEEK LATER, she comes in the room while I'm at work (I work from home) and says "Don't come out til I come and get you, ok?" "Sure..what's up?" "Nothing, just promise?" "OK"...I get off work at 4, she comes in around 4:15 and leads me out into the family room with my eyes closed. "Open your eyes!" I was shocked! She had spent the entire day cleaning every room in the house (except the one I was in of course) The kitchen was spotless, the living room was dusted and polished, so was the family room, the bathroom was so clean it shined and all the bedroooms were clean. She had washed the floors (we have tile throughout) and had even washed the windows! She had done all of this without any prompting from me, just because she wanted to show me how much she appreciated me and what I do for her and for not giving up on her. She has been on them for about 8 months now and is doing very well. She just needed that boost and once she got it, she was fine again. Talk to your daughter's doctor. If at all possible, get her into therapy. Most likely she is dealing with something that is beyond her capabilities to cope with and she needs help. The fact that she is reacting violently like she did tells me that she may indeed be suffering from depression. Tori is on Pristiq--a fairly new drug which works very well in teens. (many meds are not good for teens and should never be prescribed for them--Zoloft is one) The other thing is that at 13 for her to be sending topless pictures...well...she's on a road that can only end in disaster! Most 13 yr old girls do not do that sort of thing and my gut reaction is get her into therapy because it is entirely possible she was molested. (I would also get her on birth control ASAP!) A history of sex abuse could also explain the depression. Right now she needs for someone to take control of the situation and help her. She isn't capable of doing this on her own. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and I didn't deal with it until I was in my 30's when I became suicidal. It doesn't go away. I also spend my teens running away from home, doing drugs, having sex with boyfriends who were MUCH older than me...not a good life for a teenager! No one bothered to get me help and when I finally did, it took 5 years of 2 times a week with my psychiatrist and MEGA doses of antidepressants to get me to where I could ease off and finally become whole again. I know that isn't what you want for your daughter. Help her now and you can begin to repair your relationship with her and have a happy kid again.
I hope that helps. HUGS!
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Last edited by Blondzilla; February 11th, 2010 at 05:32 AM.
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  #4  
February 11th, 2010, 08:30 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 590
Thanks for sharing and for the advice. She's been in therapy and has been for over a year. She tends to just go in and says "everything is fine". I do talk to the therapist about what is going on both past and present. I brought up the pics and texting in mediation and that her dad and stepmom knew about an online relationship. But he's still the better parent!! Because we have guns (That are locked in a safe).We did an agreement instead of letting the court order it. The girls wanted to live there.( grass is greener). I know depression runs in the family, I have it and my brother comitted suicide. The therapist is aware of it. I will keep trying she will want to come back someday. It just hurts.

Thanks again.
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