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Got my mid week visit tonight and Brianna came home with attitude. What else is new, she was talking on the her cell(her dad gave it to her) and wouldn't get off then just talking back to me about this weekend. I asked to get her phone and she wouldn't give it to me. I took it right out of her hand while she was texting. She kept tring to get it back from and in the process she bit me and pinched me and hit me. I have bruises all up and down both arms. So I called 911 on her and they recorded her wrestling me trying to get the phone back. She'll be at juvy until Monday and then released to her dad (he's the problem).
looking at the messages she was sexting, and sending pics from her dad's computer. I knew she was still up to no good. She just got off informal probation. We forward it all to her dad. Her dad is more concerned about the phone he paid for instead of the sexting or her beating the **** out of me. And of course mad that I put her in juvy.
I feel bad that I had to call the police and that she kicked my butt. Part of me didn't hit her because I knew if I did I would be the one in jail. I'm so upset and just hurt. She called me a ***** when they took her away. I just can't believe this happened like we don't have enough drama. I love her still and she is still my daughter and I'm so torn up inside. I am scared for her too, I've heard bad things about juvy.
I cant even imagine what you are going through! How awful! Im sure you did all the right things given the situation. Im just sad that her father isn't more in tune what is going on or caring enough to talk to her about it and lets her do whatever she wants (sounds like anyway.)
Dont regret how you handled this. No guilt. Sometimes, it may be just the thing that turns them around...hopefully sooner than later. Tough love, baby.
Just remember it wont and cant last forever! I just can't imagine the multitude of feelings that you are going through all at once. Wish I had some good advice....
You did what you had to do given the situation. No child should EVER get away with hitting their parent--or for that matter anyone else. She's very out of control and unfortunately, the mistakes she is making right now have the potential to follow her for the rest of her life. I still maintain that she is most likely depressed and that there may be an underlying cause for her advanced sexual behavior. If her therapist is still letting her get away with the "everything's fine" line then you need to get her a new therapist. A GOOD therapist would question that--"If everything is so fine, why did you attack your mother??" "If everything is fine, why do you think you're here? Why can't you get along with your mom? Why did you blow up and act like a two year old in Costco?" If her therapist isn't questioning things, he/she is collecting money for sitting and talking about the weather. That's not what you're paying him/her for! The therapist NEEDS to question her...to draw things out of her. It may well be that she doesn't feel she can trust the therapist not to talk about what she tells him/her. If that's the case, then she needs to understand that nothing said in session will be repeated. You and your ex need to help her understand that what she tells him/her stays in that room and you don't get to know unless SHE tells you or gives the therapist permission to tell you. She HAS to have that level of trust or she won't talk about things. I made a point when Tori went into therapy (she was raped at 13) of telling her IN FRONT OF her therapist, that nothing she told her would come back to me unless she wanted it to. The result? She told her therapist everything...then wound up tellilng me after her sessions. The point is, your DD needs to know that she has complete confidentiality in session. This should be her ONE PLACE she knows she can say anything without repercussions--of course if she says she is going to commit suicide or something the therapist has a legal obligation to report it, but just the routine should remain confidential.
I would seriously talk to her physician also about the possibility of getting her on medication for depression. You said before it runs in your family. If your ex won't take her, can you? She needs some help. Right now she is suffering. Because this is internal, the only signs she is showing is her behavior. If she had an open wound and complained it hurt you would get her help...you've got to think of this the same way.
Thanks Dani and Hopenotforgotten. I just had an amazing talk with her dad and he agrees we need to get her help, a new therapist and a dr to see about meds. He did say that he was going to make her take whatever punishment the judge says and that he doesn't want the to plea bargin. He also said he wasn't going to see her for visitation at juvy. I told him with all do respect I'll believe it when I see it. At least for once I feel I am not the bad guy and that we are on the same page.
After all the crap my X give me about my current DH, did say it would be a good idea if he were home during my visits with her. Surprising he didn't want to take my visits away or make us have supervised at the DV center, or something like that. Although I still feel like I'm the creepy bad parent that can't be alone with their kid. I don't know. He still has a way of making me feel like it's my fault even though it's not. Like she needs protection from me...
Thanks everyone I appreciate all your input and a chance to vent and cry a little.
Vent or cry whenever you want to here! I'm so glad he agreed with you and is supporting your views! You're not a creepy bad parent...you're a parent having some very serious issues with her child and wanting to get your problems resolved. I commend you for taking care of her and I pray that she gets the help she needs with her new therapist and doctor. You're in such a difficult situation and I feel for you--it isn't fun! You'll get through this and things will turn around and your daughter will thank you someday for getting her the help that she needs.