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  #1  
March 2nd, 2010, 10:24 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Hello... I have been on this board a long time ago & left, I was scared to be here & honestly, still am.

I am a mother of 4 children, all boys, I am at home & have little to no help around my home.

My DH & I have been fighting a lot, seems like every single day, there is something to fight about, and I seem to always have to try to fight for my marriage. To me, when I married, I didn't look at it as something along the lines of "well, if this doesn't work out, there is always divorce". To me, divorce is NOT an option (unless there is abuse or something major). We've gotten through infidelity on his end, we've been in marital counseling, which didn't help much b/c my DH doesn't & still doesn't believe in counseling. I still seek weekly counseling, for me.

Lately, I feel like it's a matter of time before my DH walks out on us. Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone to stay w/ me "just because" or feel that they have too, but I hate the threats of "divorce" or "separation" as if it's something to throw around lightly. To me, those are serious words & statements & they mean business in my life.

A good friend of mine told me that I should leave my DH, that I can do it, etc. And although the thought of "running away" goes through almost every mother's head at some point, it doesn't mean that it solves things either.

So I could ramble more but that's what I have so far, there is so much more to my "story" & I am unsure where to start or where to end. I just know I need support.
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  #2  
March 2nd, 2010, 10:55 AM
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Hi Daisy, welcome to the forum!

I completely understand how scary things can be as I was once a SAHM with 4 babies in a very unhappy marriage.

I won't throw advice out at you for now, because I think you're trying to come to terms with a lot of things yourself right now and weighing all your pros & cons.

Don't be afraid to 'type' it out here, we've all been through many of the same things and felt many of the same feelings.

You're more than welcome to ramble as well, no need to try & organize thoughts, feelings and stories in this forum, rambling is what we do well here!
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  #3  
March 2nd, 2010, 11:30 AM
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I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of feeling alone. I am tired of being alone all day. I am tired of being a mom sometimes too. I am handicap & 1 of my 4 children has a lot of special needs so it's a lot. I'm both a bio & step-mother, it's a very blended situation (hence below of my siggy being the co-host of BF's).

Before my DH, it was just me & my DS, it was lonely, and difficult but it was just us, no one else to worry about, no arguments or issues, just us. Now, there is a lot more to add to my "pot" if you will. I know that I gained beautiful/wonderful children, but I also gained a lot of issues that I feel like I've settled for. I hate the fact that we're house poor, something I think is dumb, but in this economy there isn't much we can do now.

Before I married, life was more simple, and my issues weren't as big, now, they seem to be all I deal w/ and I hate the constant screaming, yelling, drama. My DH is a nice man, hardworking, but he has no sensitivity chip, he doesn't understand the patience that's involved w/ me & the kids, and refuses to try. I just wish he'd go to counseling w/ me. I know I have a lot to work on myself, but at least I can say that I work on myself weekly in personal one-on-one counseling. He does non of that. I feel like he doesn't understand me or the situation. I feel alone. I know I could be a single mom again, I am not afraid, but it's not something I want to do either. If he leaves & that's what he wants, then he will get that, but I am not going to say "let's do this" b/c I don't believe that it's the answer.

He's been married before... this is my 1st marriage & my last at that. I know for a fact that "IF" this marriage ends (and I hope that it doesn't), I will NEVER marry again. I am done having children, I don't want to deal w/ that ever again. Not worth it to me.

My husband and I, we play hard, love hard & fight harder. Does that make sense? Everything is to the extreme. I hate it. I don't like the extreme of it all, I just want to be able to be at peace w/ things & live a "somewhat" normal life. What ever that is.

I take home money, and I could be on my own, but...I do not want to do that. I do not want a divorce or a trial separation, I don't feel that it's going to solve anything to separate. I've already stated that "if" he leaves to "separate" & thinks it's a trial, to think again, I will not "trial separate" w/ a 9 & 12 year old kids, they are going to be made aware of things & it will be obvious. I don't want to put them through anything that is unnecessary, such as a separation. They deserve consistency & peace, I don't feel that having them go through that would benefit my family in any way. This isn't high school when you say "I'm breaking up w/ you"...so you can go & find yourself or so you can test the waters (date others)...this is real life, four children, ages 12, 9, 3 & 2 are at stake, our family is at stake, and any stupid move could make them resent one of us forever. If we separate, I am getting a divorce, that is something I already know.

I feel trapped by my DH in that he is able to come & go as he pleases & I cannot. He doesn't see how lonely I am & how me not having an outlet to be "me" for a bit is helpful as a mother, friend, wife & daughter. He complains about long hours, and I know he works very hard, but I don't have a day off, I don't get to punch in & out of a time sheet like he does, I don't fill out an excel time sheet every week & turn it into payroll for a check. I don't get bonus', I work 24/7, 365 days a year, even when I am sick, so I don't get personal or sick time, there is not such thing. He gets that time, and when he is tired, let me say this, stay out of his way, he will let you know that he needs/requires a nap. Fine. How about me? When do I get to recharge my batteries?

It's all one sided w/ him & I end up resenting him & the kids b/c I feel like I am only good for certain things (i.e., laundry, cleaning, cooking, taxi driver, nurse, mistress/sex, and what ever else they need/want) but I never get a "thank you" or a true appreciation for what I do every single day. I don't require a ton of "thank-yous", I'd rather have someone say "let me get that for you" or "just pick up the mess that has been made" or "do laundry"...last I checked, his hands/arms aren't broken. The only one in this house that walks w/ a cane, is me... yes, I am handicap, and require a can to walk. I've never used my disability as a crutch, the opposite actually, but if I look tired, and you're not doing anything, why not help? Why should I have to ask for the help? Last I checked, this is just as much HIS house as it is mine, no? Why is it that I am expected to do it all w/ no time off? I hate feeling unappreciated & taken for granted. I'm tired of the same stuff, every single day, I need some sense of purpose in my life that involves YOURS TRULY, not just my kids or being a wife. And please, do not get me wrong, being a SAHM & wife is amazing, I wouldn't trade my time w/ my kids at home for anything, but it's also a very hard job that goes unrecognized by the men (in most cases anyways) and I feel overworked & used.

That's a bit more of me... and how I am feeling.
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  #4  
March 2nd, 2010, 02:10 PM
Mom2LillieAidan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Welcome. I had the same feelings about Divorce not being an option, but my STBX didn't share the same opinion I suppose.

We are all here to listen, so feel free to come and vent and "type it out" as necessary. One thing I have noticed about the wonderful ladies here is that no one judges. Everyone has their faults and no one has any room to judge the next girl.
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  #5  
March 3rd, 2010, 12:10 AM
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Im sorry you are feeling so under-appreciated for EVERYTHING you do! I have no advice, either. I can tell you that your ideas and views of a marriage are the same ones I had...you just dont divorce unless there is abuse or such circumstances. I didn't have a choice. He was the leaver and I was leavee. I hung on for FOREVER it seems like, begging him to go to counseling....blah blah blah....

I can tell you I can truly appreciate what you are saying and I understand not wanting to divorce yet wanting things to change. I can also tell you that you are not 'stuck' and are free to get a job if you want (with some minor problem solving, maybe) free to go and find a hobby and do whatever else it is that YOU want to do-so that YOU are happy. 'If mama isn't happy....aint nobody happy!' I just cant stress enough how important it is to take time for yourself. No, it's not a 'solve all' but it makes things much easier to deal with.

This is what your post said to me: that you are tired of feeling under-appreciated, resentful of dh's ease of life or lack of pitching in to help, you feel that divorce is not the answer, though over something such as this. You aren't afraid to do it all alone, but dont want to. (I can relate to that one!) You are doing something to help you, he is doing nothing to help himself or the marriage. And you are fed up and tired of feeling like a doormat that everyone can use.

Guess what? Those are normal valid feelings!

I hope you feel comfortable here. I would just encourage you to keep going through the thought process....rambling, venting. I ramble ALL the time! Some stuff is just crazy!

HUGS!
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  #6  
March 3rd, 2010, 06:32 AM
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Chantelle, I am so sorry things haven't gotten any better. I hate that you're going through this. I completely understand your feelings as those are the same ones I had when I was married to my ex....and I DID take days off occasionally! I'd leave the kids with him and without fail, within 3 hours I would get a call from one of the kids IN TEARS because Daddy keeps yelling and being mean. One friggin day? I can't have just ONE FRIGGIN DAY??? So I would go home and he would immediately leave and we would not see him for a few hours.
Chantelle, you NEED some time off. Not a case of "it would be nice to get some time off", you're KILLING yourself! The stress is already having it's affect on you and frankly, life is just too short to continue like that. If he won't give you the time, take it. Hire a local teenager to watch the kids one afternoon and go out and do something for YOU! Even if it's just a visit with a friend...ANYTHING without the kids! I know money is tight right now--it is for all of us. But think of it this way--if something happens to you, you wind up in the hospital, have a breakdown, have a heart attack or stroke, is that $20 going to make a difference? No, it isn't. When you're more relaxed, you're more capable of handling the daily stress that any household with 4 kids has. You're a better mom, too. Schedule that once or twice a month. I think we can all agree that you're worth at least $20 a month! Seriously, if you have to find a way to justify this, it works out to be less than $.67 a day. Toss 2 quarters and a dime and a nickle in a coin dish every day and you won't even feel it! What do you enjoy doing? Cooking? Crafts? Take a class. Most of us can justify taking a cooking class through the adult education department of our county...after all, it benefits the family, right? Always wanted to learn how to quilt? Take a class and learn it! Who knows? Maybe you'll be really good at it and can turn it into a little cottage industry. Join a Mother's Morning Out group or a babysitting co-op. Do something...ANYTHING for yourself! You work hard and you DESERVE this! You can probably find something through your church.
You're absolutely right that most men don't realise how hard it is to stay home and take care of the kids and home. beyond being hard, it's often very boring and unrewarding. I mean, few women outside of commercials REALLY swoon over their whites being brilliantly white, ya know? Most of us don't wake up to make the kids breakfast with every hair in place and a sweet, loving smile on our face. Usually it's more like: eye makeup you forgot to wash off last night caked under your eyes, messy ponytail, pajama top buttoned up wrong, scruffy slippers and threadbare "favorite robe" shuffling in to the kitchen and pouring half a pot of coffee down our throats before we even open our eyes to see that we're running ten minutes late so now everything goes into high gear and the day begins with yelling to HURRY UP and You march yourself BACK UPSTAIRS and change! meanwhile answering Where are my tennis shoes? Where are my keys? Did you pick up the dry cleaning? Can I go to Janey's house after school? Why can't I have pancakes for breakfast? It's hectic and stressful and we hate it almost as much as we miss it when they're all gone...and trust me on this one, you WILL miss some of the same stuff that bugs you so much right now.
I don't know how you can get through to your DH. I know you have tried. I think both of you are so overwhelmed with stress that neither of you is happy right now and that's sad. I know I was once in the same situation. I tried everything and finally decided I wasn't going to try to make HIM happy anymore. I said Screw that! I spent 20 years trying to make him happy while he did absolutely NOTHING to make me happy. I stopped worrying about him and focused on me and the kids and we would do things like have a theme night for dinner. On "Mexican night" we'd have to talk with a spanish accent and wear sombreros. LOL Italian night I would draw little curly mustaches on the boys and we would talk with Italian accents...we brought FUN back into our lives and HE was not a part of it. He wasn't excluded by us, he excluded himself. (The kids asked me one night when we were having hot dogs how we could make that a theme night. We couldn't figure out anyway to do that until one of them suggested that hot DOGS meant we should all bark. LOL We had a blast that night talking in Scooby voices! RUH ROH!) You're right to be concerned about the way your kids see you and DH and what they are coming away with as they grow up. Give them some happy memories of silliness and laughter...if DH wants to participate, it would do him good but if he doesn't, you do it anyway. Who knows? Maybe he will realise what's missing from his life is the fun and he'll start to ease up and participate.
Hope that helps. You're ALWAYS welcome to just vent here if nothing else.
HUGS!!!
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  #7  
March 3rd, 2010, 08:39 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hopenot4gotten View Post
I can also tell you that you are not 'stuck' and are free to get a job if you want (with some minor problem solving, maybe) free to go and find a hobby and do whatever else it is that YOU want to do-so that YOU are happy.
HUGS!
I truly do also think "if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy"... ITA & it's true.

I thank you for the opinions & you made some great points. I know you ladies don't know me as well as Dani does, but just a little background on me.

I am handicap, permanently disabled, walk w/ a can. I do receive some income from my disability but not much, not enough to support myself, or my kids. I approaching another major surgery that has put me in a situation of having to depend on everyone else in order to live. I had major surgery on my head/ear last November & to date, I am still recovering & need another surgery.

Also, my 3 (almost 4) year old is VERY special needs, last year alone, we spent $12,000.00 on medical expenses for him that wasn't covered. I know this b/c we just did our taxes w/ our attorney (as always) & I was once again floored at what we spend & do for him. He has more problems than I've ever seen, and recently got another diagnosis, something I'm just shaking my head at and wondering "when" will this child get a break to be a child? When will he have a somewhat normal life? I know that normal isn't perfect, and I realize that between him & myself, medically speaking, we will always have more to do & struggle more than the regular person(s), but it's something I have to consider when I make major life decisions.

It's not that I couldn't eventually find a way to be self-sufficient, but it's far more complicated based on medical & financial issues. Hope that made sense. It's not excuses for me to stay or remain the way things are, but they are valid reasons to fear on trying to do things alone too.
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  #8  
March 3rd, 2010, 09:05 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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This is exactly what I said outloud this morning. I set my alarm early to make coffee, have breakfast & catch up on a DVR "The Good Wife" (ironic I know)... I was watching it, enjoying it, and 15 min. into the show, my DH calls...as he does, always throughout the day, over & over again, to talk about nothing. I appreciate his calls & I like to hear from him, but seriously? Before 6am? What is so important? Then... I let him go, get back into my comfy spot, have my coffee in hand & start to pick up where I left off, the door knocks...it's my DS telling me he can't find this, or he needs that..and inside my head I was saying "one FREAKING day, just ONE FREAKING DAY! Is this so much to ask? Seriously? I just want ONE day that involves me NOT having to change a crappy diaper, listen to whining or dealing w/ the drama, just one day!" ...but..Dani... I don't get that day.

You want to know what is SAD? I mean REALLY SAD? My day, is tonight, I go to my weekly therapy session for myself, and it's to discuss my issues that make me upset/sad. My DH claims that I have my Wednesdays to myself. No I do not. I do not consider a medical apt a day to myself, especially when it's to discuss major stuff. Sorry, not a day a I want, but sadly, I look forward to this day b/c I know I am leaving the house, w/ out the kids.

I do know that time goes quickly, and one day, I will miss the pitter patter of my kids running around, I know I wont miss changing a diaper or doing enough laundry to give to a town daily. I wont miss the Noggin' shows or PBS sprout, I wont miss the "mom....can you....?" every two seconds. I wont miss the time I would love to have to read a book w/ out interruption(s). I just want some "ME" time & when I express how I need this, want this, require this, I am viewed as mean, horrible & selfish. That's not fair, I need some time for ME, and yet, I am unable to get any of it. My DH, every Mon. & Tues., he doesn't come home until late, he goes to my MIL's house to see my DSS (geographical issues make it too hard to bring my DSS all the way home). My DH goes to dinner w/ his father (my FIL) & they chat & have a good time. No kids to feed, no bibs, no high-chairs, nothing. Yet I am at home, giving baths, cleaning the dinner table & trying to get a shower for myself. Then he comes home (DH) and God forbid I ask him to brush one of the boy's teeth or get them dressed for bed, he has the a-tude & says "I'm tired"... NEWS FLASH... SO AM I! I am exhausted, I am worn out, I am depressed & sick, I need a freaking nap! But... if I mention it, I am selfish, how dare I ask for that time.

Here is my BIGGEST issue w/ DH, and he knows this b/c I've expressed this over & over again. He has absolutely NO problem expressing what he doesn't like about me, how I irritate him, yelling at me, barging out on a conversation or yelling for no good reason... but he can't express how much he loves me. He said that it's not him to express "love" and he's not that way. I "used" to believe that until I saw him read at his grandfather's funeral, he wrote something from the heart, he was empathetic & articulate, he had tears & honesty. I was impressed w/ that & fell in love w/ my DH in a different way all over again. Later, much after his grandfather passed on, I mentioned how for my Birthday, I didn't want a card, I didn't want a present or dinner, no flowers, but I wanted a letter, a letter of how he feels about me, good stuff, why he loves me & what I do that inspires him. Simple enough, right? Too bad I never got that letter. Still waiting for that letter.

I am getting to my point of breaking & I am now watching my children, small little ones especially, yell & cry a lot more than usual. I know that it's b/c of what is going on in the home & what is being said & how people are treated. I realize that my DS (my DH's step-son) is alienated from my DH & I also see how my DS (DH's step-son) acts out on purpose the moment me & DH are talking b/c he wants the "fight" to stop so he tries to intervene the way he knows how & instead of him being successful, he ends up hearing the yelling from my DH as my DH gets more angry. It doesn't work is what I am saying.

DH doesn't yell all the time, but there is a point that I want peace & quiet. He doesn't discipline his children & when he does, he screams at them. They are confused, one minute they are being hugged, the next they are being yelled at. Where is the warnings? Where are the time-outs? There are none w/ my DH, it's from "0" to "100" and scary for them. I hate that part of him & although I too have a temper & I am guilty as charged in yelling too, I do not skip the time-outs or the reminders to my kids to do something before I get really upset.

So I am now rambling. I am not sure Dani, if I will be like you, spend another 10 years trying to make HIM happy & end up walking away or if he will change b/c he needs & wants too. It seems like the only person willing to accept responsibility for the actions that aren't positive is your's truly, I am not perfect & I know I have a lot of work to do, but I don't deny that & he..well..doesn't seem to have a problem, other than how I behave.

Overwhelmed isn't the word Dani... that was years' ago, now it's more like numb & broken.
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  #9  
March 4th, 2010, 12:58 AM
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I, too, look forward to my therapy sessions...as my time. MINE. The last time I went to counseling, (my counselor is not the cold clinical type to sit there and say, "so, how do you feel about that?' with her legs crossed...violently scratching away on yellow notebook paper) so I said I didnt feel like talking much but was glad I was here. In fact I showed up for my appt time a whole hour earlier and sat in the waiting area and studied. She has a therapy dog, who when someone cries, comes over to them and kisses them. I didn't have to talk....we went for walk outside and I just threw the ball for the dog for awhile....sorry off topic....

Anyway, I told her about not getting any friggin breaks. That I was angry and resentful. That I could ask family to watch the kids, but with 5 kids, I try to reserve any babysitters I have JUST for appointments for me or the kids. There are always options even if we dont see them right away.

For example, Daisy, on the days that he is gone long hours, can you get a high schooler or neighbor to sit with the kids? There are sites that offer babysitting sites that ensure background checks for the safety of your children and offer sitters trained in special needs children. I know money is a huge concern, but even more importantly is your sanity. And if dh says Wednesdays are 'your days' then MAKE WEDNESDAYS LONGER! Longer than just your appt time. Two hours before your appt time....that frees up some time just for you.

What would happen if you said to your dh, 'ok honey, Im going to go to the store....go to (fill in the blank here) and I will back in a few hours...love you!' And then just left? What would his response be? Would he get mad? Would he imply that he couldn't care for the kids that long? Would he take care of them? Would he call you every few to complain? And last but not least, are YOU comfortable leaving them with him?

You know, at first, before counseling...I actually felt GUILTY if I did something for me. Felt guilty if I left them. I never left them...they were always with me. In counseling I found out that I didn't take a break not because I didnt want to, but because it was a form of self abuse. (Maybe the same reason why I settled in my marriage?) My counselor sure did hold me accountable every week asking what I did for me today...ack...sometimes I would have to tell her 'nothing.' I LITERALLY had to MAKE myself go and do something just for me. It was awkward at first. But then, after doing something for myself, I found it actually helped my self esteem, my sense of worth and that D A M M I T! I deserved this! I felt better. I was a better mom to my children. I felt balanced. Now I have it down...this weekend Im gone. I have arranged for a sitter for the ENTIRE WEEKEND. AHHHH!
I can take a bubble bath, I can sleep in, I can paint my toenails, wax my legs AND my eyebrows IN ONE SESSION with no interruptions, I can watch TV for a change, I can jump on the bed, I can walk around naked if I want, not clean up any messes (my own included!) and come and go as I please for an entire weekend! It doesn't get ANY better than that!

Im not saying that this is how it is for you, Im just trying to say that we can sometimes be our own worst enemy and we dont do nearly enough for ourselves as we should or deserve! After all, we are the 'caretakers' the 'nurturers' if you will. But if we dont appreciate, nurture and care for ourselves, and acknowledge our unseen (by others) accomplishments...WHO WILL?

I admire your ability to be open and get all this out. You are certainly not alone! HUGS!!!!
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  #10  
March 4th, 2010, 08:34 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hopenot4gotten View Post
What would happen if you said to your dh, 'ok honey, Im going to go to the store....go to (fill in the blank here) and I will back in a few hours...love you!' And then just left? What would his response be? Would he get mad? Would he imply that he couldn't care for the kids that long? Would he take care of them? Would he call you every few to complain? And last but not least, are YOU comfortable leaving them with him?


I admire your ability to be open and get all this out. You are certainly not alone! HUGS!!!!

My therapist is also not the note-taking type, which is why I enjoy seeing her. I've had too many of the other types to never want to go THAT route again.

Wednesdays, I am lucky to leave on time to get to my session b/c he's always stuck in traffic (works odd, long hours & very far away).

What would happen if I said I was going shopping & said I'd be back in a few hours? Let me give you the short version.

First, he'd ask if we could ALL go together. Then I'd try to say it would be easier w/ one of our kids needing his afternoon naps & so on & that I'd like to go do it alone, faster, easier...and quieter (I wouldn't add the quiet part but you get the idea). He would imply anger that he'd have to babysit HIS children, tell me has a headache (he seems to get a lot of those headaches when he is asked to do something for the kids or me...) and if I actually got the chance to leave the house alone, he'd call, several times on my cell & ask "where are you?" and then "when are you coming back?" and he would call & call. It's not that I feel guilty for leaving my kids, I am so far past that it's not even funny, I realize that "I" and so do my children, all deserve a break from anyone & everyone. No one should be stuck w/ the same people day in & day out, it's not healthy.

I wish I could "demand" my Wednesdays be mine, but I've seen how we "use" to have Sundays be our "FAMILY DAY" and we came to that agreement in marital counseling, go down the crapper. He was suppose to not do house chores, work or anything other than bring the kids to church, and spend the day as a family, whether that be spending the day inside watching movies or playing games, or leaving the house of a Sunday ride & get lunch somewhere. It was suppose to be OUR FAMILY DAY, and even though my DH promised me that he'd do that, it's gone. When I bring up the "Sunday Family Day" thing, he gets bitter & angry & screams at me as if I'm being mean. He'll say "someone has to do this or I need to work for that"... sorry, when you are dead, you're stone isn't going to read "hard working man who never saw his wife and kids"...it SHOULD SAY "devoted father & husband...honorable Marine...etc." but he isn't seeing the big picture.

Even last night, I was "suppose" to go to my session but had an issue where I wasn't able to go at the last minute. The kids were playing, loudly, but not screaming or crying, just playing. He got mad, yelled at them to "shut-up" and locked the bedroom door so he couldn't hear them anymore. They're KIDS! They are going to play, what does he expect from 4 boys? seriously, they are going to play & be loud, and that's fine w/ me. That's what kids do. But he expects the house to be QUIET the moment he arrives at home.

He doesn't realize that kids are kids, they weren't doing anything wrong & although I "would" like a peaceful, quiet home, that's not something that is realistic w/ 4 boys, it's just not.

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  #11  
March 4th, 2010, 09:23 AM
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He's a Marine? Mine was military too.

I say call his bluff. No, you and the kids CANNOT come with me, because I deserve a break too. They are your children, too and you are NOT a babysitter...you are their father. Now, I am going to the store, and I will be back at X time. Oh, and take some ranger candy for your headache. Drink water and drive on, right? LOL! He is perfectly capable!

Ok, so Im not as neutral as I should be...lol....this same thing happened in our marriage. I used to think if he went overseas, and something happened to him, at LEAST he would be a hero to someone, because he sure wasn't the hero father and husband I had always dreamed about. Awful, I know...I was so angry.

Ugh...Im just so sorry you have to go through this! No one should have to take so much on their plate!
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  #12  
March 4th, 2010, 01:05 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Quote:
Originally Posted by hopenot4gotten View Post
He's a Marine? Mine was military too.

I say call his bluff. No, you and the kids CANNOT come with me, because I deserve a break too. They are your children, too and you are NOT a babysitter...you are their father. Now, I am going to the store, and I will be back at X time. Oh, and take some ranger candy for your headache. Drink water and drive on, right? LOL! He is perfectly capable!

Ok, so Im not as neutral as I should be...lol....this same thing happened in our marriage. I used to think if he went overseas, and something happened to him, at LEAST he would be a hero to someone, because he sure wasn't the hero father and husband I had always dreamed about. Awful, I know...I was so angry.

Ugh...Im just so sorry you have to go through this! No one should have to take so much on their plate!
My husband will let me go, but he will make sure that I have the guilt card that he's played, and when I come home, he will have the kids parked in front of the TV, starving while he's in the bedroom watching the military channel & taking a "snooze"... I don't like that he does that, and although I do it too, not as much "AND" I with my kids 24/7, he isn't, so what's his excuse for not spending quality time w/ them? He PROMISED my kids a day out in the snow. Because of my handicap, I can't go in the snow (extreme temps) & he can, he PROMISED them "AND" me that no matter what, no matter how tired he was, he would in fact take the 3 & 2 year old out to play in the snow. They have NEVER played in the snow, and I feel horrible. They are cooped up in this house & I am angry that yet again, his promise fell short.
I used to be kind & sympathetic about his "headaches" but now I am not. He has one almost every single day & frankly, if he doesn't want to take anything for it, or see a headache clinic for it, then it's stupid for him to keep complaining about it. It's old & until I see him trying to make it better, I don't have the sympathy. Sounds mean but after 6+ years of "I have a head ache"... well... my sympathy is out the window.
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  #13  
March 8th, 2010, 09:26 AM
Bekah's Avatar happy 2 be a girl mommy!
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,841
I haven't really read any posts but the first few (sorry) but I just wanted to say I am in pretty much the same situation as you right now and I am here if you want to talk
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