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  #1  
March 12th, 2010, 03:45 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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He finally filed.

I filed a protection order (restraining order) against him and the hearing was this morning. I was informed when we were called in that he had filed for divorce this morning so the case will be turned over to the divorce courts.

I can't believe that he's doing this to me. I am so devastated. He always swore and promised me he would 1.) never divorce me and 2.) never cheat because of what all he had been through in his life with his mother and father and seeing what his brother and sister went through. He has done both to me. I know our marriage wasn't perfect but I never, ever though he would have done this to me. He left me for another woman AND her children and they are living in the home that we picked out together. He gets to go home to her every single night. They are having dinner together and have been in love with each other only God knows how long. He took away my dreams of having a family with him, of watching "our" children grow up,

I hate myself because this is my fault, I wasn't good enough. And she is like everything he said he hated, red head (no offense, that was just something he SAID he hated), small boobs, and she looks almost like a hippie. She's skinnier than I am, so maybe that is it, maybe she is a better cook and better in bed and better than I was because I obviously failed because he doesn't love me anymore, he left me to be with her.


Everyone keeps telling me he was ******, everyone keeps saying it is for the best, everyone keeps saying thank God there are no children (yeah, because that is all I wanted because HE said he wanted children with me...maybe he meant someone else...but he was trying to get me pregnant for a year.) I wanted to be a mommy, I wanted to have a family and now he has that and I don't.

I wonder why it took so long for him to file, it doesn't really matter, maybe he finally figured out I was done because I was going through with it all, I don't know. It doesn't matter. There is no way we could be together anymore but he is so over it. He is so over me, he is so over his love for me, and we've been together almost 11 years and this woman and her children were better than all of our time together and everything I've ever offered him and anything I ever could.


I think I handled it well. The clerk told me in front of my victim's rights advocate and him and his attorney and she started talking about the process of who would handle it and blah blah blah and I just nodded my head and then she said that he had filed that morning and I said "Ok. That's good". She went through the process of telling me and then I said ok, turned around and walked out. Then his attorney called me and I turned around and he said something to the affect that he had his request for items or something like that and if I wanted it he would give it to me. I just said "That's ok, my attorney will be in contact" and turned around again. I was so quick at blowing him off I almost felt rude lol! I'd rather but up the "I'm ok" front than let him know how I feel.

I just can't believe this is happening and I'm going to have to go through life alone and figure out what I'm going to do alone, like buying my first real car alone and my own place and my first career job...all alone. I can't stand it. It hurts so bad. I just don't understand why I couldn't make him happy and why he couldn't love me!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #2  
March 13th, 2010, 05:53 AM
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This is NOT your fault! You need to understand this isn't some flaw in you...first of all YOU aren't the one who cheated. You were honorable and faithful toyour vows and you can hold your head high for that! YOU did not leave--he did. You were again, honorable and faithful to your vows. HE was not. YOU did the right thing. He was a lying cheat. Who knows why he did what he did but HE did this, not you so it is HIS fault, not yours. He is the one who should be ashamed of himself.
I know you are hurting right now. I know how much too. Right now you're desperate for answers you may never get. Don't go looking at yourself for the resons because you'll be able to invent as many as you want. We all feel ourselves to be flawed and imperfect because we know our inner most demons and we can easily pick ourselves apart and determine that it was us. Don't do that! YOU are not to blame here. You are worth more than he gave you and as time goes on, you're going to remember things in a different light and begin to realise that he didn't give you what you deserved. I promise you, someday you will find someone new who loves your pretty red hair and thinks you are perfect the way you are.
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  #3  
March 13th, 2010, 07:30 AM
Mom2LillieAidan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Brandie, you can't beat yourself up. He is the one who messed up and broke everything the two of you had built. It is NOT your fault. No one is perfect, not me, not Dani, not you, and least of all, not HIM. You will get through this. I know it hurts, I really do. But you will find someone who loves you truly and won't just leave you at the drop of a hat. You WILL have children. You are a very strong woman and I admire you for that. Myself, I have been far too lenient and nice and not sticking to my guns (until recently). That doesn't seem to be you.
Everyone has their flaws and trust me that you will find someone who loves you because of those flaws because without them, you wouldn't be who you are. Just trust and have faith. If you need a break from the everyday, you know you are always more than welcome in my home. I enjoyed meeting you and would love to see you again. Keep being the strong woman that you are. You know we're here for you.
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  #4  
March 14th, 2010, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondzilla View Post
This is NOT your fault! You need to understand this isn't some flaw in you...first of all YOU aren't the one who cheated. You were honorable and faithful toyour vows and you can hold your head high for that! YOU did not leave--he did. You were again, honorable and faithful to your vows. HE was not. YOU did the right thing. He was a lying cheat. Who knows why he did what he did but HE did this, not you so it is HIS fault, not yours. He is the one who should be ashamed of himself.
I know you are hurting right now. I know how much too. Right now you're desperate for answers you may never get. Don't go looking at yourself for the resons because you'll be able to invent as many as you want. We all feel ourselves to be flawed and imperfect because we know our inner most demons and we can easily pick ourselves apart and determine that it was us. Don't do that! YOU are not to blame here. You are worth more than he gave you and as time goes on, you're going to remember things in a different light and begin to realise that he didn't give you what you deserved. I promise you, someday you will find someone new who loves your pretty red hair and thinks you are perfect the way you are.
I just want to hug you! Really, stop kicking your own *****!

Im quoting you on this because I know exactly what you mean....'I was so quick at blowing him off I almost felt rude lol! I'd rather but up the "I'm ok" front than let him know how I feel.'

Your are NOT being rude! This man just turned your world upside down! For me, I had to fake this attitude for a long time before it started to become true. Fake it till you make it? Maybe this is one of those times...

I just want to cry for how much you blame yourself. It makes me so sad that one person can place so much blame, pressure, anger, on themselves alone for something that two people are responsible for! I did that to myself for awhile...But it's all lies and total BS!

Its hard to see past today and onto tomorrow when in soooo much pain. Sending HUGS your way!




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  #5  
March 16th, 2010, 10:31 AM
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Hey Brandie,
I finally found you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I see my sister go thru this everyday so I've seen the hurt it causes. I know it's easier said then done, but this is a new chance. This is a chance to find someone new and exciting. This is a chance to LIVE. A chance to find someone completely different. Go do all the things you always wanted to. "Let yourself go." Like the George Strait song. I'm sure the only thing you want is him, not all this stuff I'm mentioning. But hindsight is 20/20. You will go on and have a wonderful family with someone wonderful. This d****bag will only be a distant memory. And Karma is a biaaaaaa. He and this women will get whats coming to them. I know you aren't religious but I firmly believe Gods punishment for someone is far greater then anything we could ever do to someone. I'm sorry you're having to go thru this, and I wish you the best of luck.
Love,
Shaylyn
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  #6  
March 19th, 2010, 10:04 PM
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Thank you ladies. I am trying so very hard but like hopenotforgotten (sorry I don't know your name yet) my whole world is just turned upside down. I just wanted it to work so very much. I just wanted everything to be ok, I didn't want to be another "divorced" person. I just wanted it all to work, I would have done anything. I told him that during the week after he told me he wanted a divorce but it was clear it was done with me. My whole situation is so confusing because I say that very sentence, that it was clear he was done with me, but yet the night I tracked him via GPS before he left that night he remarked on how we would end up watching the Super Bowl together (because he said he and his friends couldn't afford to go to New Orleans to celebrate it....let me tear that apart 1.) he makes like $4,000 a month...broke? Oh, that's right, he had been taking care of someone else's children. and 2.)--which just hit me--I was just going to be there, someone who was just 'there').

I have still yet to get any papers, at all. Not even the initial filings, I had to contact my attorney to call his attorney to even begin to get my papers because I'm ready to present HIM with MY list (even though my attorney knows what I want) because I've made myself SICK over worrying about what he's going to ask for (even though I'm not fighting for the house, I know how petty he can be) but if he has the coohonies to get petty, my mom assured me we can be just as petty. But how about his attorney didn't even return my attorney's phone call! My mom thinks he wouldn't even have filed that day because they didn't have anything ready, but I know they had to have had SOMETHING to show the clerk to move the protection order to the domestic relations division but it makes me so mad! He was back online for this message board he was on remaking a user name 10 days after I left, then moving some woman and her children in a month after I leave (the weekend of my birthday) but yet he is drag a**'ing around about the real stuff?! Now my mom was like, "Did he think you were going to be crying and begging him back? Did he think you wouldn't go through with it?" The whole thing is such a mystery because he is such a manipulator and such a mind game player that it is starting to not even make sense. I go through the pain because I wanted my marriage to work, I wanted to have a future with him and I wanted a family with him so very badly (HE put me in that mindset, I mean we were actively TTC! He wanted to know all about it, only to do this) so it goes from knowing he is a monster that has no soul to hurting because of the fact he is a monster and I keep thinking he was so good to me, but then I realize he really wasn't but what I can not shake is that feeling that everything was ok. I could write down all he's done and all he's said and I could tell myself 100 times all these things and I still am convinced that everything was ok. I mean, he worked a second job for 2 years, that means he worked all day, then he didn't get off until midnight, then got up and left again the next morning and only had 2 days off a week. We were only married for 3 1/2 years (even though we were together for 10 1/2) and I wonder if he even started working there because he started a relationship with someone there.

I feel so very stupid, I am so very confused and I am so very scared. I am so scared of the future because if I loose my mother and father I have NO ONE. I really mean NO ONE. I feel so scared to do things by myself. I really am scared I won't find anyone that will love me and have the butterflies everyday to see me and I am so very heartbroken to think I won't ever be a mother. I am so scared to even think about being with someone because I can't do this again and I don't want to be some 45 year old woman with no children or no other family. I get so worried I swear I almost breakdown. I just try and try to be ok and everyone tells me what Shaylyn said, that they will have their day but what if he doesn't? I know I can't live my life to see what happens to them but I think he will never understand, in his heart, what he has done. At our protection order hearing he just looked so sad and solom the whole time, only to "shock" me with the divorce part (as if I was stupid enough NOT to expect a shocker that day )

I just want you all to know how much I appreciate your support and kind words because sometimes I can hear someone saying things to me all the time but it is different to read it. I re-read my posts with your replies all the time.

Shaylyn, I am sorry you had to find me in my nutcase state, I have ventured to check on you girls but my heart just breaks because I remember how excited I was (or I guess thought I was since I thought he and I were happy) and it is so painful to see all of you guys so happy, that probably came out wrong. I mean I am so very, very happy for all of you. You are all such wonderful, beautiful ladies. It just reminds me of what I no longer have, and scares me to think I may never have that again. Thank you so much for your kind words and thank you so very much for checking up on me. I'm sure when the months go by I might venture to the other rooms again. Until then, you can find me here.
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  #7  
March 20th, 2010, 06:52 AM
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Brandi, I was just wondering about you the other day. Then I saw your post this morning, and I had to come check on you. I'm extremely sorry that you are going through this, it really sucks. I know how bad it hurts, but as some have said its a fake it till you make it game. I ditto what Shaylyn said, about God's punishmnet and karma. Even though you aren't religious I will be praying for you to recieve some comfort some form of peace and closure.
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  #8  
March 20th, 2010, 06:04 PM
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oh sweetheart I'm so sorry you are going through so much. I wish there was something I can say to make you feel better. But please remember this is NOT YOUR FAULT....

I wish I was near you so I could give you a hug for real. My offer still stands anytime you want to get away from everything you are welcome to come and visit me in Ireland. I may not know how you feel or what your going through but I'm a good listener and I will always be here for you.
You know you can reach me on FB or here anytime...

My heart is just breaking for you darling. You are such an amazing lady.
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  #9  
March 21st, 2010, 12:09 AM
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I'm going to dissect this paragraph...sentence by sentence...I really hope you dont mind....because this is exactly what I have told myself, exactly what I have thought, and exactly the thoughts I still battle sometimes, and exactly how I had to change my thinking and embrace myself as my own best friend.........

'I feel so very stupid, I am so very confused and I am so very scared.
THERE IS NO WAY YOU COULD KNOW EXACTLY HOW THIS WOULD TURN OUT...OTHERWISE, YOUR VOWS WOULD HAVE CONSISTED OF PROMISING TO ALSO DIVORCE PEACEFULLY IN X AMOUNT OF YEARS. CONFUSED AND SCARED....AREN'T WE ALL WHEN WE HAVE TO BREAK OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONES, WHAT WE ARE USED TO, AND SOMETHING AS TRAUMATIZING AS A DIVORCE THAT ULTIMATELY AFFECTS OUR LIVES IN SUCH A HUGE MANNER? CONFUSED AND SCARED ARE BIG ENOUGH TO HANDLE IN ITSELF...THERE IS NO ROOM FOR STUPIDITY.

I am so scared of the future because if I loose my mother and father I have NO ONE. I really mean NO ONE. IF IT CAME RIGHT DOWN TO IT, THEN THERE HAS TO BE CHURCH AROUND YOU SOMEWHERE. NO MATTER WHAT YOU BELIEVE OR WHAT YOU DONT, IN TIMES OF NEED THEY ARE THERE....GIRL...DONT THINK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT HOW IM GOING TO MAKE IT WITH NO HELP AND 5 KIDS...I'VE WONDERED IF I WOULD LITERALLY GO TO CHURCH AND BEG FOR THEIR HELP IN MY OWN TIMES OF DESPERATE NEED....I JUST MIGHT. SERIOUSLY. DONT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW YET, WHEN TODAY IS ENOUGH.

I feel so scared to do things by myself. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE CAPABLE AND YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE!

I really am scared I won't find anyone that will love me and have the butterflies everyday to see me and I am so very heartbroken to think I won't ever be a mother. WHY? IM SURE YOU ARE A LOVABLE PERSON!!!! AND MAYBE....JUST MAYBE....YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO BE A MOTHER TO THAT MAN'S CHILDREN...BUT ANOTHER'S......WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND CHERISH YOU AND THE KIDS, YOU KNOW?

I am so scared to even think about being with someone because I can't do this again and I don't want to be some 45 year old woman with no children or no other family. FOCUS ON TODAY, GIRL. JUST TODAY. IF YOU GET THROUGH TODAY, YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MUCH!


I get so worried I swear I almost breakdown. NORMAL. I DID TOO. I GOT ON MEDS WHILE I WAS PREGNANT. GOT ME THROUGH IT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? NO ONE CAN KEEP IT TOGETHER 200% OF THE TIME. YOUR ENTITLED TO HAVE A MINI-MELTDOWN.

I just try and try to be ok and everyone tells me what Shaylyn said, that they will have their day but what if he doesn't? OOOOH I STRUGGLED WITH THIS ONE (STILL DO!!!!) WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IS THIS....WHEN YOU REALLY WANT REVENGE OR KARMA TO HURRY THE HE// UP, DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR SUCCESS. WHEN YOU WAIT FOR KARMA AGAINST ANOTHER, IT DOESN'T COME. IT'S LIKE THE WATCHED POT THAT NEVER BOILS....THEN YOU TAKE TIME FOR YOU, FIND YOURSELF AGAIN, THAT IS WHEN KARMA COMES. BUT ODDLY ENOUGH, THROUGH TIME, IT DOESN'T BRING YOU THE SATISFACTION THAT YOU THOUGHT IT ONCE WOULD, BECAUSE YOU HAVE MOVED ON AND DONT CARE ENOUGH TO WASTE ANOTHER THOUGHT ON REVENGE OR THAT PERSON.


I know I can't live my life to see what happens to them but I think he will never understand, in his heart, what he has done. OH HE WILL....ONE DAY.....TRUST THAT.

At our protection order hearing he just looked so sad and solom the whole time, only to "shock" me with the divorce part (as if I was stupid enough NOT to expect a shocker that day' DONT WASTE ANOTHER BLINK OF YOUR EYE EVEN LOOKING IN HIS DIRECTION TO ANALYZE HOW HE COULD BE FEELING....


I found this site for myself months ago....it helped me to realize that I wasn't losing my mind. That all the fear, anxiety, anger, bitterness, bargaining, self blame, denial was not me going crazy...but a completely normal part of this he// on earth. Hang in there...HUGS!

Emotional Stages Of Divorce

Last edited by hopenot4gotten; March 21st, 2010 at 12:18 AM.
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  #10  
April 1st, 2010, 01:52 PM
LindseyandJoeinAL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi Brandilou, I was reading a post in TTC and I found yours mentioning the divorce. I am so very sorry to hear all of this! Please, please, please don't blame yourself for any of this. If you ever need a friend, please don't hesitate to let us know. I'll say a special prayer for you and hope that you find some peace. Mark my words: You WILL find happiness again!!!! It may take a little time, but you WILL find happiness!
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TTC baby #2

lap surgery Apr 2010 stage 2 endo removed
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IVF #2 BFP! 12/2010
Wonderful, sweet daughter Khloe born August 2011
FET #1 - Oct 2012 BFN
FET #2 - Dec 2012 BFN
2nd lap surgery Dec 2012 stage 1 endo removed
IUI Apr 2013 cancelled due to producing 10 mature follicles
IUI June 2013 BFN
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Last edited by LindseyandJoeinAL; April 1st, 2010 at 02:01 PM.
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  #11  
April 2nd, 2010, 10:20 AM
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KDD KDD is offline
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Hi Brandie,

Sorry to comment on an older post but I want you to know that you have tons of support right here!

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  #12  
April 3rd, 2010, 09:49 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you again ladies. I am doing ok (you can see the "Bench Trial" post and you'll see why) but it is hard. It is very scary to think you've got it all, the home, the husband, the husband wanting children, someone to spend time with, someone to spend holidays with, someone to laugh with, someone to celebrate with, someone to cook for and have dinners together, someone you think you will be with until you die....and it all changes but I never thought he was capable of what he has done (which I wasn't perfect and I made mistakes, but I was honest with him, he told me he forgave me and asked me to stay and move forward) so I wasn't quite as a monster as he ended up being but it is hard. I'm still devastated, even though I know he didn't care about me (he basically said that in court) and he was truthful when he said he was being so great to try to convince himself to love me. But I am glad, in a way, he just finally came out with it because I did everything in my power to make him happy; for him to be proud of me. I just wanted to impress him so very much from cooking to cleaning to decorating to running his errands to taking on all the bills and responsibility to pay them (with our money), to take care of all his appointments, to answer every time he called, to do things with his family, to make sure he was aware of family functions, buying the gifts for his family for every occasion, I could go on and on but before I knew ALL of what he had been doing, I begged and begged for him to not go through with the divorce. I told him I would do anything (and went into detail) and I think I really would have. He would have (continued) to use me and it wouldn't have mattered. He was very strict with me and I was scared I would find out he was dating Barbie, which he still might be but the photos of the woman on the back porch one month later, well...she's not Barbie. I was scared he would find someone better (which she may be better than me in the areas that mattered to him and I wasn't aware of) but my fear that I would be replaced with Holly Housewife *appear* to be wrong, it seems that I am the Holly Housewife.

It has taken me months to even begin to start feeling relief but it is very scary to think I will be, one day, getting a home by myself, finally figuring out and going forward with what I want to do with my life, buying my own new car one day, and even having children. Which I plan at the moment to do all those things alone. If I find someone, fine, but I don't expect to find goo-goo ga-ga love because that is what I thought I had. If I think I find someone I want to spend my life with I know that it will be short lived if we ever get that serious because never again will I enter a marriage as a tag-along. I am a partner, we will own the home together (deed and mortgage) and there will most certainly be a pre-nup to protect me however I feel necessary. Which I am sure when I go contact the attorney PRIOR to getting married and inform someone of that, the goo-goo ga ga romance will be gone

I just never thought in a million years he would do this to me but I wanted more, I wanted the American Dream of wanting my husband home to have dinner with, having children, sending them to a nice school, being a part of their lives, having the mommy car, having the nice home, wanting to go places and do things, and maybe even the white picket fence (to which he told me I was a fool about wanting the "American Dream" but yet he moved in another woman and her children...can we say hypocrite ) but he didn't want those things and at least he didn't keep going another 11 years! But it is no excuse for what all he was doing behind my back and no excuse for how he treated me, my family or my friends.

But people go through it everyday but I appreciate some of my TTC girls checking on me I still love you girls and I am trying to come back around and check up on y'all I do feel a sting of jealousy because you have a happy relationship and it is what I thought I had and you get to further that into a family but all of you are such wonderful, sweet, amazing and beautiful women I can't help but to cheer you guys on because what I know from the year I have been on JM, you ladies deserve it immensely! :wub"
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  #13  
April 10th, 2010, 01:28 AM
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My heart breaks for you. Divorce is by far the HARDEST, most EMOTIONAL thing I have ever been through, and I can relate to so much of what you are going through. How long have to two been seperated? It's been about 10.5 months for me, and I'm still on an emotional rollercoaster almost every day. I'm making progress though, and you will too, in time. It is hard though..... and you just need to know that he is the one who chose to cheat, lie and treat you like crap. No matter how perfect you were, or could have been in every way, nothing or noone can make a person like him change. It might be hard to see now, but one day you will. And that woman he is with now is NOT getting any sort of prize in him. He's going to treat her the same way he did you, in time. I get so upset with myself sometimes b/c after all my ex has put me through, I still have periods of missing the Troy that was once a good husband and friend. I was with mine for 11 years too ... and that is a long time, so it takes time to get over that. As for fear of being alone, I completely understand that too. That was one of my biggest fears before I decided to kick him out ... "How would I do it on my own?" Well, I'm doing it. Granted, I have a supportive family that is a huge help, but I am also learning to be independant in ways I never imagined I would. It feels good. You will get through this!!! <3
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  #14  
April 12th, 2010, 06:04 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you for your kind words Heather. We have been separated since January 30th, I left after we had our fight and he was arrested. Once I found out exactly who he had been fooling around with and why he all of a sudden wanted a divorce out of the blue, there was no option for me. There was, but my options were to wait around for him to come home out of jail and have a repeat or wait for him to come home and him show me yet again he was done with me and him waltz in and waltz out like I didn't exists; leave for a few days and risk him throwing out all of my things and tearing up the things that meant something to me; or leave. I chose to leave because I knew he was done.

I completely agree with the statement you made of missing the person he once was. I am still in so much confusion and I have really doubted my sanity because my husband was on and on and on about having a baby with me but all this time he was planning on leaving. I made him sign a paper saying he would not be upset at me for taking a job back in July because he didn't want me working. I don't know why he kept on, I don't know what happened all of a sudden with this other woman for him to just be totally done. I keep thinking her 1 year old must be his, but that puts him almost 2 years ago with her! If she got a paternity test it could have taken a long time to come back but he blamed me for him not being happy (which may be totally true, but he didn't act like that & was putting crap on facebook like "so blessed to have such a loving wife" and on our dating anniversary last May something to the affect of "I'm one lucky S.O.B., 11 years with my wife" and then posted something similar for our wedding anniversary back in October) so I don't have any idea. I mean the morning he told me he had called and chatted up a storm with me just a few hours before, asking how my day had been going and yadda yadda.

I've discovered so much since we split. I just can't believe he could have done all this, the person he was with me was not this person. It is like in 3 months time I can see our old pictures and his new ones and know all he's done and it is almost like looking at a stranger. But I thought things were finally going ok, he had been talking about a baby and we had been making decisions for the future and I really thought everything was amazing. If it weren't for the pictures I took of everything like the little baby things he would buy me when I got yet another negative, if it weren't for the pictures of the house all decorated for the holidays like Halloween and Christmas, the costume he helped make me for Halloween...I think I would have thought I was insane.

The pain isn't that I want to be with him or that I honestly love him anymore (although no matter how awful he was to me and even though I KNOW he's a monster, there will always be a place in my heart for him) it is letting go of all I thought I was going to have, the American Dream he criticized me for but yet has it himself. I don't understand anything, he's out partying with his brother & friend & has these 10 commandments that include "thou shalt not co*k block" and "thou shalt not bang friend's girlfriends or ex's without permission" but then has a pic of himself with his girlfriend's baby like he's family man? I just don't get it and everything that I wanted with him is gone. Another person that will be "dead" to me, that is such an awful feeling that you won't get to hear their voice or laugh at their jokes or hold hands anymore.

But I've babbled enough yet again. Uggghh I swear I'm such a whiner
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  #15  
April 12th, 2010, 07:19 AM
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Sweetie you are NOT a whiner! You are hurting and you are mourning the loss of your dreams! We can ALL understand that! It's a horrible thing to have to go through and at times you feel like you just can't take another second of the pain...but you do and you survive and suddenly one day it doesn't hurt anymore when you wake up. And then it doesn't hurt all morning. And then it's dinner time and you haven't thought about it...and pretty soon you realise you were so busy you didn't think of it at all yesterday. At that point, you realise you're healing and that yes, it IS going to be ok! But it takes time. So for right now, take it one minute at a time...one second at a time. Get through right now before you concern yourself with later. You will know when you're ready to stop mourning that dream and begin dreaming others. Until then if you want to post ten times a day about how hard it is and how much it hurts, we will respond to all ten posts with love and support because we KNOW it hurts right now and this is what you need! It's a way of getting rid of the thoughts and pain. If you can't get it all out, it builds up and poisons your life. So don't you worry about seeming like a whiner. You're not. We understand and will do whatever we can to help you through this.
HUGS!!!!
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  #16  
April 23rd, 2010, 02:03 PM
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You are not a whiner! This is still fresh for you. As I said before, it's been 11 months for me and I still deal with the emotions, daily. Even when we know nothing can be changed it's difficult moving on from a life we knew for so long. <3
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