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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
April 6th, 2010, 05:14 PM
Kayla0308's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 424
Well I'll tell you about myself. My name is Kayla i am 23 years old I have a son who is 3 and a little one on the way. So when i was 19 I married my sons' father Roy - Our relationship was horrible from day one, We had only been back together for a month before we decided it was a great idea to get married. I wish i had known back then the trouble it would bring me. We fought pretty much every day about him talking to his ex gf, and him always giving out his new phone number to her ( i had it changed 5 times). Then he would be texting "soccer" friends of his, but he text them from 6 am to 4 pm right before he would get home. We had our son in March of 2007 and things after that got horrible, He was leaving at all hours of the night to go play indoor soccer so he says I believed him then and i wish i never had. I knew in the back of my mind he was cheating on me, He had been since day 1! In february of 2008 I had my first miscarriage every with his child - He wasnt even there with me to go through with it, He was out bowling with his friends. He told me that he didn't belive me and that he wasn't gonna stay just for that. In april of that year he got physical with me for the 2nd time, He threw me to the floor dug his elbow into my thigh and held me there for a while all because he didn't want me to see his cell phone - all this time my son was in the room! After that i kicked Roy out and told him not to come back, i threw all of his things out on the front lawn and left it there. Roy and I went back and forth on whether or not we wanted to work it out for Eamon (our son) or not. All this time he had been telling me that he was living with a "friend" come to find out that "friend" was a girl and he was having sex with her. He got her pregnant - while we were still married! We started the divorce FINALLY and it was finalized July of 2009 - He had his other kid with the girl he was cheating on me with months before the divorce was final.

Roy has 4 kids with 4 different girls and he is only 26 years old. He also told me today that he is expecting his NEXT kid a month before my 2nd one is due. This is the main reason for my post.

I just would love some support about this whole situation. I am gonna try and take Roy back to court for custody of Eamon. I have majority custody and full parental rights of Eamon. Roy only gets to see Eamon every other weekend friday to sunday. I just hate that Eamon will never get the attention he deserves from his father becasue his father will have 4 other kids that need his attention. I dont want my son growing up feeling left out because his b*tch of a gf thinks her kids deserve all Roys attention and not my son.

Any and all advice would be wonderful.


Kayla
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  #2  
April 6th, 2010, 07:49 PM
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OK I'm a little confused...your divorce was final in July...and you're 15 weeks pregnant? He's been with someone else since long before the divorce was final...and you're 15 weeks pregnant? Please tell me this baby has a different father?
Assuming that you did get pregnant by your husband---and please understand I am not passing judgement but trying to understand the situation--your ex is a dog. To have 4 (soon to be 6, if I understand you correctly) kids by 4 or 5 different mamas is just plain irresponsible (and that's the nicest word I could come up with) It will be nearly impossible for this putz to pay adequate child support to ANY of you and I am sure he isn't doing that either. Unfortunately, any children born before yours (and I am referring to BOTH of yours) will get leftovers as far as that goes. His first born gets the lions share and the second gets the next best...by the time this new baby comes you will be lucky if there is anything left for a pack of diapers. As far as custody goes, I don't think you'll get more than you have already simply based on what you're afraid might happen. Now if you had any proof, it might be different. You don't. You only have the fact that he is a DOG and that's not really grounds for anything other than pity. Now, if you have proof of anything, take it to court. Be prepared to go back and forth to court over CS for the next 18 years at least. I mean, if he can't be loyal to one single person thus far in his life (wives, girfriends--all of them he cheated on) he most likely isn't going to be loyal to ANY of these children. He didn't do right by you, he's not going to do right by your kids either. This guy is a PIG!~
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  #3  
April 7th, 2010, 03:20 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
Hello and (sadly) welcome. It seems like you've been through a lot and I am in the midst of a divorce so all I can do is relate to you. I don't have any children but was TTC for a year per his request. I came home one day in January and found the laptop open to "divorcesupport .com" and he said he thought he wanted a divorce. For a week I cried and begged & said I would do anything. We were married for over 3 years but we had been together 11 years. So when he stopped coming home a few days into that week I knew something was up, he had never done that. So I put a GPS tracker on his truck and found out he picked up someone, went to his friends house, and dropped her off. When he got home I found out he had bought condoms and so on & I asked him to leave & it got physical. He was arrested and while he was in jail (12 hours) I got my belongings and left. Since the cell phone bill was in his name I got to change the password because he had to leave his cell phone and found out he had been talking to a girl he worked with for months. So, one month after I left he had moved her and her children in. He fought the domestic violence case and had to have an actual trial where his attorney brought out everything I had ever done and got grilled for hours but he was finally found guilty and got 6 mo probation (where he just meets his officer once a month) but if he tries to contact me within 6 months he violates my protection order and will have to serve 6 months in jail. But I found out yesterday he got a new facebook that lists him "in a relationship" and his new Mrs. got facebook (for the first time) as well the other day that lists her address as his subdivision. His sister posted Easter pics & he's holding this small little girl, and one of her little girls is a year old, so I have suspicions about that child (but if he knew that child was his it doesn't make sense why he wanted to keep on with me about having a child) but he must have already showed the new Mrs. off to the family, and her children and we aren't even divorced yet. I'm still blown away that they are on facebook basically bragging about it, and he's got pics of being at the hooter's bikini car wash & lists these "commandments" like 'thou shalt not block c0ck' like he's just some free man, but he's living with a woman who has children....

I'm still in the trying to get my act together stage because this all happened on Jan 30th of this year so it has just been a few month and just got my divorce papers just 2 weeks ago so I'm still a little shocked but I know that you've come to a wonderful place because there have been days I have just cried and cried and just came here and vented just to get it out. Some days I just feel like I can't make it and I have blamed myself for the whole thing, it is my fault he didn't love me anymore, it is my fault he wanted someone else, I should have been better and so on; it is nice to hear that maybe it wasn't my fault, it is just taking me some time to believe it. But at least it is clear to see you were treated like crap, my parents and friends were aware I was too but it is just hard for me right now. But like I said, welcome and you've found a great group of ladies.
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  #4  
April 7th, 2010, 04:03 PM
Kayla0308's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Colorado
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Oh Goodness no this baby is not his!!!!! I have no feelings for my ex in any way! He is deffinatly a pig and it sucks that my Son from him will not get the attention he deserves. He does pay child support, but not much at all. He does have 4 kids from 4 different girls, and honestly i donno if this new kid is from the last ones mom or someone new, who knows and cares for that matter. I didn't think i would get any more custody but i'm still hopefull. He has a lot of domestic abuse against him. Things suck right now and I'm so irritated that i even stayed with him.
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  #5  
April 7th, 2010, 04:44 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
I can feel ya on the irritated part! I'm slowly seeing that mine was a piece of $h!t and it took me to see him and her and their sorry group of friends getting on facebook to basically brag about it for me to see that he put on a good game with me & I still don't know why lol! I just wanted everything to just be ok, I tried so hard to not be a nag, not be controlling, let him do what he wanted and so on and it doesn't matter anyway. Ughhhh...I'm with you on the "this sucks" does it ever!!!
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  #6  
April 8th, 2010, 06:08 AM
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WHEW! I'm glad this new baby isn't his. I hope he does right by your son. Do you have a CS order in place? If he's violating that by not paying the correct amount, go after him for it. Someone like him needs to pay for what he's done. In all likelihood, the only way his visitation is going to change to less is if he is abusive toward your son. Neglect, unfortunately, doesn't really count for much when it comes to custody. He may give up his visits voluntarily--and from the sound of things he probably will since he doesn't seem to be very "into" parenting--just into the acts of creating children. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You deserve better.
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  #7  
April 8th, 2010, 05:13 PM
Kayla0308's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Colorado
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Thanks for your support girls. I was hoping that i could get full legal and physicall custody of Eamon. But I donno if that will ever happen. I'm still gonna sit down with a lawyer to see what all i can do if anything to keep Eamon from his worthless dad. I just wish that i had never married him and that i had got pregnant with Eamon and never told his dad, so that I would never have to deal with this jerk again.
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  #8  
April 9th, 2010, 03:03 PM
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I know it's hard. But just keep doing what you're doing and if there ever is any signs of abuse from him document it and have Children's Services get involved. You'll be able to get primary custody but unfortunately, he does have rights to see his son too. Now, he may at some point choose not to exercise those rights and not pick him up for visitations but that doesn't excuse him from paying child support. He needs to pay you CS and IF he wants to see his son, stick to the court ordered visitation schedule. He can choose not to see him but will still have to pay CS. Just because you're a crappy father who doesn't want to see his child, doesn't mean you get out of paying CS! Even if you don't need the money, GET IT! your son is going to need college money some day and that will come in handy. Put it in an account for him and give it to him when he goes off to college if you want to but GET IT!
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  #9  
April 10th, 2010, 01:27 AM
4wildflowers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow, you did the right thing by leaving! What a loser. I don't really have any advice, but just want to say good luck to you concerning the custody.
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