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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #21  
May 16th, 2010, 10:39 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
I wish I could I just give you a big hug! I tried to imagine what it would feel like if I actually knew my ex was already prowling around....Gosh, that would hurt really bad. I'd rather not know and live in my denial state.

How did you find that out? Is there anyway you both can stop talking altogether? Im asking because for awhile for me, anytime I had to talk to my ex for awhile, it was just like pouring salt in an open wound. It would give you time away from him to really heal.
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  #22  
May 17th, 2010, 04:42 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
I found out on MY phone bill that he is using his text messages to this one phone number. When I asked him about it, he said it was none of my business and to stop looking at his phone bill. I'm sorry, what? The phones under MY name?? I told him that we had talked about this and I TOLD him that he had to hide datng very well because I couldn't handle it. We had a huge phone fight. He called me names, so I took scissors to the $1300 suit he got for our wedding. No way will I allow him to wear that on a date. He egged me on while I did it.

We did agree that he would move all his stuff out and stay on a friend's couch so we had little contact. I told him I would text him when a bill was due and he could transfer money to my account. So I text him that there was money due on the 18th for the cell phone. He CALLED me. I think he likes the wound being fresh.

I know that with his lifestyle and his issues that there is NO WAY IN H3!! that he will keep this girl for long. But it still hurts now. He said so many cruel things to me over the phone. Not unlike our marriage. I know all the reasons why we shouldn't be together and I don't want to be BACK together, but I don't want him moving on yet either. I'm not tooting my own horn when I say that I was the best he could ever get. I was too good for him....AM too good for him.

He says they are just friends, but that he would be interested in going out on a "date". I know him. He gets way too involved way too quickly. But I know it will not last. No way! I text him yesterday that if he respects me at all, as he claims he does, he will not talk about me to the girls. He will leave my medical issues out of it. IF they want to know about the divorce, he can tell them that we were just not compatible in the end. I don't want to be bad-mouthed, because frankly, that would be such a lie. I gave him everything and got so little. Maybe he wants to tell them that. Mayb he wants to tell them that he was not capable of being emotionally there for another human being. Maybe he wants to tell them that he is only the minorly good father because of me. Without me, he has no relationship with his own daughter (not my daughter).

Ugh, I have to get ready for work. I appreciate the feedback. When it hurts like this, all I want is to see that this is normal.

I do feel REALLY good about the suit. Makes me feel so much better that he can never wear it again.
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  #23  
May 23rd, 2010, 06:41 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
Is it possible to be in love already? I have been dating this man for 2 months ... started when the divorce was pending. We spend a majority of the week together. We are so incredibly in sync with one another. Is it possible to be in love? Because I think I am.

I realized that what made me upset about the ex was not that I wanted HIM, but that I was mourning the loss of 4.5 years. I mean, what would I want with HIM? He is emotionally cold, verbally and physically abusive, financially unstable, and a horrible father. I dislike him as a person. I think I wanted our marriage back because I wanted to be married....to be loved. But I don't get that from him.

Paul, the bf, is everything I could hope for. Emotionally compatible, treats me like a queen, financially stable and hard working, college educated...he's so great. I realize it is just over a month since my divorce, but I think I have fallen in love. Am I crazy?
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  #24  
May 24th, 2010, 05:57 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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I know it does, Sara. Try not to focus on that. Focus on YOU and your growth and your life. Otherwise you're just torturing yourself. You're in my prayers hon.
HUGS!
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  #25  
May 26th, 2010, 04:32 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
It is my 27th birthday today. Although I always thought I would be married with a family by now, I am ok with my birthday. I have love. I have my career. I have my own place. I have my painting. I have my friends and family. My life is surprisingly good. I am happy...truly happy.
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  #26  
May 28th, 2010, 06:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via AIM to Blondzilla
Welcome to healing! I recommend that you take things slowly with Paul simply because of the one thing you said--that you mourned the idea of being married and you want someone to love you. That desire can be overwhelming and cause feelings that are often confused with love or a more immature form of love. That CAN grow into a mature and everlasting love but it's dangerous to build a marriage on. Like you, I was "in love with being in love" for a long time and I am embarrassed by some of the relationships I had after my divorce. Also greatly relieved that they ended! LOL Take it slowly and enjoy it for what it is but don't settle ever again. You are dead on right about being too good for your ex--don't make another mistake and wind up with someone else that you are too good for. My husband has a theory of why our marriage works so well. He says that we both feel like we got the better part of the deal. LOL That's what you want to feel like.
Enjoy it. I am so glad to see you happy again!!!!! HUGS!!!!
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  #27  
June 13th, 2010, 07:12 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
I finally realized the other day, as I sat and watched TV with Paul, that I am truly in love. The ex could show up at my door a changed man, and I wouldn't care. I would not leave what I have with Paul for anything, let alone a man that treated me so horribly in the past. I told Paul about it. I told him that I wouldn't leave him if the ex showed up all changed. It feels good to say it and know it. And Paul said it felt good for him to know that.

So this is what moving on is like? I like it!
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  #28  
June 13th, 2010, 10:07 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Awe....Im so happy for you! That has got to be an awesome realization. He sounds like a good guy! (I want one!) LOL!

That is wonderful news! I am thinking that is what 'moved on' means as in past tense form...tee hee hee! I am 'moving on' as in still going thru the process. You are 'moved on.' LOL!

Congrats to you!
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  #29  
June 29th, 2010, 04:38 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
For me, being in love already is just proof that my marriage was over long before I filed for divorce. I guess I just clung to the hope that things could be different for so long, but mourned the marriage even while I was in it.

I'm in love with a wonderful man that treats me as a queen. He loves me and adores me. This just may be the healthiest and happiest relationship I've ever been in. It's wonderful.
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