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I dont know what it is but I just feel like the world hates me today.
I sent DH's ex a message on FB to ask if the baby she is pg with could be his because the timing is perfect and as usual just like DH does she throws it back in my face that everything is my fault.
She said that she hasnt seen him let alone slept with him an a long time and that now he is no longer talking to her just to make me happy and she hopes that Im happy because now I run his whole life.
She couldnt be more wrong if she tried and she really has no idea but of course it had to come back around that its my fault. Everything that DH and her did together he pushed off as being my fault and part of the night that he had sex with her was my fault, its a really TMI situation but I let things take place that shouldnt have but it was not suposed to turn out the way it did. I shouldnt have had to sit there and watch the 2 of them have sex in my home. His own mother even asked me how he is still alive because she would have killed him.
I cant let this stuff go. Everyone says I need to get over it but I just cant, he hurt me so bad and then when we tried to work with it he still had to be in contact with her and I just cant do that anymore.
I dont know maybe its because Im on hold with the intake people for legal aid or because I finally realized that we really need to just be over, I dont know I just know that I feel like the world is against me today.
You're going to have good days and bad days. That's normal. There are going to be days when you feel like this but they will give in to days where you can do no wrong. For right now, when you have these days, try to focus on the good things in your life. If certain people make you feel worse, then don't be around them when you feel like this and when you're feeling better, talk to them about how they're making you feel when they tell you what you should have done or could have done or whatever it is they're doing that hurts you. You aren't a child and you don't need to "havew your nose rubbed in it" like a puppy. You're a grown woman who is going through something very difficult and the things you did wrong or wish you'd done differently are things you're aware of so they need to back off. We all have things we did that we wish we hadn't...that's part of being human! As members of this board, we have all been through this and KNOW how hard it is--no matter if you want the divorce or not! It isn't just the ending of a marriage...it's the end of all the dreams you had with this man and all the plans you made together. Of course that's going to hurt! On top of that for most of us it's financially unsettling because most of us don't have the training to get a job that will enable us to live independantly or in the style we've become accustomed to. It's scary. But..we do what we have to do and manage somehow. You know this isn't all your fault. That's his defense for being a putz. He doesn't want to admit he's got blame in this so he blames it all on you so he can sleep at night. It's not all you. Yes, you had some part in it--as one of my friends is fond of saying "no matter how flat you make a pancake, there are always two sides to it". So yes, you had some blame. Just as I did and everyone else on this board. HOWEVER, it doesn't mean you had 50% blame or 90% blame or even 10% blame. It just means you were in the marriage and could have done some things differently. For him to blame it all on you is just ridiculous and tells me his part is more than 50%. When you need to, vent here. You will find love and support with the women on this board and we'll help you through this as best we can. HUGS!!!