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Just venting away...dont mind me...lol


Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
May 17th, 2010, 12:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Ok, ****** session...ready?

The ex and I have been divorced for 2 months now. He had a minivan and that was all he owned. Two months later, he has acquired a trailer for his lovely home, a big truck to pull it with, and NOW has a new little sports car. He went to drop off the kids and asked to talk to me outside (so he could rub it in face that he has all this new car now that me and the kids are gone.) And had the cahoonies to ask me if I wanted to go for a drive. @$#!@%@$#%

He said he just got it. And asked me if I like it. I said yea, its nice. I like it even more because I dont have to pay for it, and I have no car payments. (LOL!) I said well, where are the seats for the boys. He tells me that he is just going to use his moms car to pick them up. WTH? If that doesn't scream where priorities are, I dont know what does...some things never change. I told him I was happy for him that he has all he ever wanted. He just looked at me. I guess maybe he expected me to say something like we were still married? I dunno...but it was weird and awkward. So he starts bragging how he's going out, you know...the nightlife, along with his 2 seater little sports car, and how this car has made him 'all better' and that he actually cares about himself now...that he is going to counseling....brushing his teeth...and caring for himself, etc. Now pass the tape test....you $%#$%@$#%@#$%# piece of @$!@%$#%

Thankfully, I dont place my self worth into what I could possess. Nor do I buy compulsively or with large items to make myself feel better. I know what my priorities are and what is important to me-and it's none of these sorts. What hurt the most, is where his heart was in trying to rub my face in it. To make me jealous. And thank God that I know it could be because HE IS JEALOUS. He might as well have bluntly stated, "See, now that you and your kids aren't in my life anymore, I can have all the things I always wanted when we were married. When you guys were in my way. Material possessions have made me happy-you didn't." Things make him happy. They always have. I wished at that moment he got a motorcycle....those accidents are far worse than a sports car....(Im going to he// for that one.)

While I am thankful to not be one of his possessions anymore, it stung. Maybe he does all that because he knows he's a loser and trying to compensate for what he FAILED at? Mental disorder....dunno...(OCD, ADD,whatever.) Maybe its as simple as a woman getting her hair done...totally new look and signifies moving on? Maybe it was simply to throw in my face.....I just want to tell him to to fix what's wrong in his heart first, then start acquiring all this 'stuff', if he would still feel the need. At least that way, if you lost all the possessions, you will still feel worthy and wouldn't be trying to cover up what hurting inside, you know? Not my place...but I will say that what he is doing is getting worse....and the things he gets are getting bigger and more expensive. I thank the Lord for His protection over me and my children for the finances. He would have buried us if we were still married.

Ok, I KNOW the newness wears off, I KNOW that the 'high'is short-lived, and I KNOW that I have what I want (my children) and he has what he wants (possessions). I dont get jealous over worldly possessions. I am beyond that and know better than that, it's that his heart was so cold. Not an ounce of humility, no humble anything. Now wonder he was so happy when we first got married. I was to him then as this car is to him now.

What really helped me get through the rejection feelings is someone told me, "Sometimes rejection is the Lord's protection." I never could fully understand or appreciate that saying until now. I get it now.

Thanks for letting me get this out...I just needed a little band aid is all.
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  #2  
May 17th, 2010, 09:42 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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I love that quote! Sometimes rejection is the Lord's protection. What an awesome way to view things! And you are absolutely right. Once the newness of the car wears off, it MUST be replaced with something else or he will start feeling bad about himself all over again. As you said, what he needs is to help himself get mentally better so that he won't need all those "things" to make himself feel good. I knew a woman like that when I livedin Atlanta. She had 5 kids and her husband worked as an independant contractor so his "jobs" were only for 6-8 months at a shot but he got a TON of money for what he did...I mean like 200K for a job. Now you'd think they'd be sitting pretty! Unfortunately, the woman had to live in a HUGE house (9,000 sq ft) and since she spent every dime he made, they could never save up a downpayment so they rented. This was 15 years ago and her rent at that time was 5,800 a month. Since she spent all his income, they never had money to pay taxes so they just didn't. Well, you guessed it. One day the IRS came with their hands out and there was no money. All of the sudden everything she wanted and was used to had to be stopped and they were threatened with garnishments and legal actions and possible prison. What did she do? Went out and found a new guy who made more money and who didn't mind spending it on her. Broke up a 25 year marriage and family of 7 --took the kids she wanted and left the "troubled ones" behind. Nice, huh? Left behind an 18 yr old single mother, a 15 yr old boy who was just starting to act out, and a 6 yr old boy with severe ADHD and tourettes. REAL nice. I just don't get people like that. I've had money. It didn't make me happy. It bought me stuff and gave me more house to clean but I wasn't happy. I hope your ex learns that lesson someday. Otherwise he is in for a really difficult life.
HUGS!
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  #3  
May 19th, 2010, 04:33 PM
ZaydensMomma's Avatar Aaron Nicole
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,443
Oh man .... I would be pissed like you! Possessions of things do not matter! I've learned that recently. I hope you are doing better now... PM me anytime!
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  #4  
May 19th, 2010, 05:42 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
My ex is the same (possessions) and does everything he can to avoid even paying CS for his children (haven't seen a thing in months now). He's even under threat of a drivers license suspension and has not even entered into an arrears payment schedule with the enforcement agency at this point (he has until June 10th).
He's stalled & made lie after lie to the kids with the holidays & birthdays and has not even given the kids anything for xmas 2009, nothing for the 2 birthdays that have already passed (Feb 23 & Apr 4th) and there are 2 more birthdays coming (June 6 &9) so I suspect they will not get a thing either.

The kids were given money from their grandparents (his parents) since 2006 for birthdays & xmas and he claimed the money was going into bank accounts opened in the kids names, but when the kids have asked about having anything from those supposed accounts, he refuses; they have come to the conclusion (on their own) that the money never made it to any invisible bank accounts (he doesn't even have bank books or statements as proof), but rather in his pocket for whatever.

He is working for cash under the table as well - the enforcement agency has not been able to find a listed employer that is taking taxes off a pay cheque - he has a Federal order on as well, and they have not found anything either. His wife posted on her facebook wall(they are both pretty useless with computers and know nothing about privacy settings) in a convo with a friend of hers about how they are and will be remaining where they presently live because his parents take care of their 2 kids while they both work (you read that right, he left behind 4 kids that he barely visits, has no contact outside of those visits with and avids paying child support for only to have yet another 2 kids).

The kids have told me that they no longer understand his complaints to them about how he doesn't have money for this or that, yet they have 2 new vehicles, all brand new upscale furniture and appliances, a massive flat screen TV in the livingroom and even a 52 inch in the girl's playroom for video games (his other kids are 1 & 3 yrs old!).

It's disgusting really, and I just wish karma would kick in and he would get what's coming to him sooner rather than later!
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  #5  
May 20th, 2010, 01:18 AM
jojo1207's Avatar Ayla 11/8/10
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,716
Boys tend to dress their wounds in things and possessions. The fact that he's bringing them to you to show off and get your reaction only sweetens the deal. Think now - he has nice cars and crap, but you have your CHILDREN. Their every day can never be replaced with metal and tires. One day he will realize his children are grown, have no real connection with him, and all he will have to show for his life are his things. Things cannot give back and he can't take them with him. You still have the better end of the stick darling. Just tell him his things are nice if that's what makes him happy and go along your merry way.
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  #6  
May 21st, 2010, 11:12 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Quote:
Originally Posted by sctschk View Post
Boys tend to dress their wounds in things and possessions. The fact that he's bringing them to you to show off and get your reaction only sweetens the deal. Think now - he has nice cars and crap, but you have your CHILDREN. Their every day can never be replaced with metal and tires. One day he will realize his children are grown, have no real connection with him, and all he will have to show for his life are his things. Things cannot give back and he can't take them with him. You still have the better end of the stick darling. Just tell him his things are nice if that's what makes him happy and go along your merry way.
Great outlook on it. I know I got the better end of it, and for whatever reason he is just being his boyish self.
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