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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
May 26th, 2010, 04:08 PM
dettmer26's Avatar I have issues....
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Hey girls. I just thought I would update. I have been separated now for 7 months. Today would be our 9 year anniversary. Tomorrow we go to file for divorce and custody/child support arrangements. I am happy and yet the most scared I have been all my life. He has threatened LOTS of things lately...including keeping the house, not giving me half of what it's worth, quitting his job so he doesn't have to pay child support, and the biggest one : trying to get full custody of the kids. I am 90% sure that wouldn't happen, but still scares the life outta me. He isn't cooperating with ANYTHING, and has called a lawyer to "talk to" (claims not necessarily for counsel...yeah, IDK)...and I am considering the same, although I have NO money. He took my credit cards and debit cards from me...so I literally have a walmart paycheck, yet expects me to pay all the bills (including a 730 dollar mortgage) on my own till I move. Real winner I picked here. He was scheduled to see the kiddos tonight but "considering the date" doesn't wanna risk seeing me....always thinking of A#1, right there!

I am very frustrated, have NO clue 100% of what my rights are, but think I am being MORE than fair in what I have listed to take with me when we move (in 2 weeks or so)...less than half, but he refused one item, which I gave up, b/c I just want out, I am tired of arguing. I KNOW this will go to court, b/c he is being such a jerk, but so be it. This is gonna get very ugly, and it will be b/c he doesn't wanna cooperate, not b/c I want it that way. ANY advice would be much appreciated right now, as I am turning down a very dark and lonely corner. Thanks ladies! )
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  #2  
May 26th, 2010, 04:37 PM
ZaydensMomma's Avatar Aaron Nicole
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Location: Louisiana
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Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry he's being a jerk like that. Do you have any place that offer legal advice for low cost? I would look up in that.

I would look into your rights asap. He should not have taken your debit cards. Get your own account. Can you ask your family to help out?

Hang in there!
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  #3  
May 26th, 2010, 07:14 PM
dettmer26's Avatar I have issues....
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Yes, my father is letting me borrow some money, and I am getting a checking account tomorrow He says and does these things b/c is hurt, scared, etc. I talked to him tonight and he was actually decent about things. It is like he has multiple personalities, I swear. He does have depression issues, and is on meds. IDK...I just want it over so I can BREATHE!! lol...I have decided to obtain legal advice from Legal Aide...a place that helps you out financially. Hopefully they will help me out. We are going to sign custody papers and child support papers tomorrow.
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  #4  
May 26th, 2010, 08:52 PM
4wildflowers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have been in your situation and it is very scary! Are you a SAHM? He can't just leave you high and dry with nothing, and he will find that out. One piece of advice that was given to me and has helped my case tremendously, is document EVERYTHING. I have a spiral notebook where I document the date and time of anything at all that has to do with my ex. Whether it's phone conversations, events that have happened, no matter how insignificant they may seem... it's all documented. I highly suggest you do the same thing. Also, save any emails and phone messages.

Best of luck tomorrow, and let us know how it goes.
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  #5  
May 26th, 2010, 11:42 PM
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I dont have any advice, but I just wanted to say I can really relate to letting things go just to get it done....just dont let too much go so that you will be sacrificing yourself and the kids to get by, kwim?

Good Luck!
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  #6  
May 27th, 2010, 12:33 AM
jojo1207's Avatar Ayla 11/8/10
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Ugh - the battle with my exboyfriend (DS#1s dad) was just like that. In the end, I decided that I would let everything go and fight ONLY for my son. I lost everything materially but in the end, and several years of ongoing custody trials, I finally ended up with full sole legal and physical custody w/him no visitation at all. He can keep everything else, I got the good end of the stick. Sometimes, it's just easier to take the high road. Good luck hon - everything will be ok!!
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  #7  
May 28th, 2010, 07:28 AM
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I strongly recommend a lawyer if at all possible. I know you said you were going to try legal aid and I hope they will advise you. Like so many others, I just wanted out and "settled" for what he would give me. I am now about $70K in debt because what he promised didn't quite get done. I have a diabetic daughter who has been hospitalized 25 times! Although he promised to pay half the medical bills for her he hasn't paid a dime and he quit paying for insurance over 6 years ago. I have managed to keep her insured but of course, who can paythat kind of money? So they sit in collections and my credit is ruined. If I had it to do all over again, I would not be nice about any of it. I would get myself a bulldo9g lawyer and go after him for whatever I could and do EVERYTHING through the atty's instead of listening to him and doing it ourselves. I did get an atty to draw up the papers but she did NOTHING to help me. Just took my check and had her secretary type up the forms. Learn by my mistakes! You have kids to take care of and if he's being a jerk now, he will most likely be one of those deadbeat dads like my ex and stop paying CS altogether someday. When that happens you need to have something to fall back on so you get your half of EVERYTHING. If he wants to keep something he can buy it from you or give you something else that YOU want for it. It's so hard for women sometimes but in this instance we need to embrace our biotochy sides ( you know what the word is) lol
Hope that helps!
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  #8  
June 1st, 2010, 11:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondzilla View Post
It's so hard for women sometimes but in this instance we need to embrace our biotochy sides ( you know what the word is) lol
Hope that helps!
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  #9  
June 5th, 2010, 12:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dettmer26 View Post
He has threatened LOTS of things lately... quitting his job so he doesn't have to pay child support
My ex did that! But (here, anyway, idk about other states???) the courts determine payments based on his potential income. So even though he was unemployed, he still had to pay, based on what he COULD be making if he had a job!!! Only problem is, they haven't done anything about him not paying =/ Except put a warrant out. But he's paid less than $200 in almost a year .....

I hope things work out better for you! And, most likely, his threats are just that -- threats. As others suggested, keep records & don't give in just b/c you're scared/fed up.
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  #10  
June 5th, 2010, 03:48 PM
Rebecca^'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karie1210 View Post
My ex did that! But (here, anyway, idk about other states???) the courts determine payments based on his potential income. So even though he was unemployed, he still had to pay, based on what he COULD be making if he had a job!!! Only problem is, they haven't done anything about him not paying =/ Except put a warrant out. But he's paid less than $200 in almost a year .....

I hope things work out better for you! And, most likely, his threats are just that -- threats. As others suggested, keep records & don't give in just b/c you're scared/fed up.
This is why my ex owes me 24k.
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