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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
June 6th, 2010, 10:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Well, tomorrow is the LAST day of externships AND last day of class! I DID IT! LOL! Great sense of accomplishment, let me tell you....its been a long road.

On the other hand, I tried to talk to my oldest son's father (my first marriage) about moving and it's looking pretty ugly...He said taking his son to a shelter was 'unacceptable' and told me to leave him with him while I got on my feet! This is the same father that was all strung out on meth not too long ago telling ME what is acceptable? I have had my son from day one while he was out using....and because I would like to move to another state, he tells me that doing the best I can with a crappy hand of cards I was dealt is 'unnacceptable?' Um....@$%#$% yourself!
Everything I have ever done is for my kids. I have sacrificed a lot, fought for them until I felt I couldn't go any longer. Cried night after sleepless night waiting for a judge to sign off on things. I have spent months in court for almost all of them. I have had false allegations against me where I felt hopeless. I have never given up on ANY of them even when times got rough or I felt hopeless. And you want me to just be ok with leaving my son here for a month or two only to have you say that you want custody later and I would be in another state 'proving' to YOU that I had everything together? !@$#$% yourself again!

So anyway, if we had to go to a shelter, it would be the second and last time. The first time I went, was after my first divorce. I have never said this here......but here goes.....

I left my first husband and divorced him...all my decision and the right one. He physically abused me. I dont know if he was using then or not. And later he abused my daughter. Im filling in the holes here, because it will make more sense when I say what I said to him just because I want to get it out, I guess.

When I was married to him, he was the type that was sooooo insecure about himself and didn't like himself so he always accused me of cheating, didn't want me to work because then I would meet other people. I lost friends. He wouldn't put me on the car insurance so that I wouldn't drive anywhere. If I grabbed the keys to go anywhere, he would wrestle me to the ground and take the keys from me....while I screamed. THAT kind of person. My last night at the house we were in a fight over something. I was holding my oldest son, who was a tiny baby then, at the top of the stairs, when he came over to me, grabbed me by the throat and started choking me and said through clenched teeth that he could knock out all my teeth and throw me down the stairs. That I was a !@$!$% @#$%@%@ and not worth a $hit. That nobody would want me. I never reported him, I just got out. Sometimes, I regret never saying anything. Other times, I thought that him getting caught and thrown in jail for his meth using, dealing, and getting caught for stealing was enough to reshape his life and make him a better person for his son.

After we divorced, he said he was sorry for how he treated me. He had never abused my children....I know that because I could never leave and was always there with them. So when I started working, I didn't get off work in time to pick them up before the daycare closed, so I asked him to pick them up from daycare until I got off work...about an hour. That was going well...and after all, he had never done anything to any of the kids...I was convinced at that point that it was all me...that I DESERVED the treatment from him because of ME! One day I got off work and my daughter was screaming. When I asked what happened, he said she got a stool and pulled it up to the fridge to see what was up there, and he pulled her off the stool by her hair. The next day, I went to work while the kids were in daycare, and told them that I needed to come in earlier and leave earlier to make the daycare situation work. They said if they did that for me, they would have to do that for everyone. So I took the liberty of asking ALL of my co workers if that would be okay with them and they were all fine with it. So I went back to the boss and told him everyone was okay with that, and still he said no. The only thing I knew was that I would NEVER leave my daughters with this man again as long as I lived. I really wanted to keep my job, but it just wasn't worth it and I had to protect my daughter. I walked out of that job and picked up my kids from daycare. Perfect example of sometimes the right thing to do isn't always the easy thing to do. I never left them with him again. And again didn't report it. I was too scared.

I fought this man in court for 6 months to be able to take my son to another country when I remarried. I got permission to go on the condition that I would come back for an expedited trial. All that took is one look at his record....and the judge said ok. We settled right before leaving.

So when he told me I would probably have to go back to court to take him...just to the state next to the one we reside in, I was shocked! Not only did I think we were on a whole new level of co-parenting, and could reach agreements outside of court now that we are friends, his response really shocked me. I know that he felt not in control, and I know there is emotion and panic, but to tell ME what is acceptable for our son just didn't seem right and that I would have to go to court....AGAIN and waste our time and more @$%$#$% money on dumba$$ attorneys...AGAIN? Really? He said he didn't want 'his son' in a shelter again.

So this is what I said and it felt good...because I have NEVER been able to say this to him. Not once.
I said, 'the reason I went to a shelter the first time, is because you physically abused me and you abused my daughter. That is survival and protection. You got away with all of that because I never reported you. So DO NOT use that against me. You talk all the time of wanting to be able to apply for government assistance and be able to have our son so you can do that. Is that why you want me to leave him here? So that you can have him here with you while I go to another state and get on my feet only to have you tell me later that you are going for custody while Im in another state? I dont have to prove $hit to you or provide you with 'proof' of an address or a job so you will know that I am a good mother. I have already 'proven' that to you when I took care of our son when you were out using. You can go ahead and try to prove me an 'unfit' parent if you want, but everyone knows, including yourself, that is not true. The only thing that will do is buy you a little more time-just like it did last time.
Look, I know you don't want him to go. And the last thing I want is for you to start panicking like you will never see him again. So Im here to reassure you, that you will actually probably see him for longer periods of time spread a little farther out versus short periods of time every other weekend. You have him only 20 overnights a YEAR as it is right now. If he spent a month with you during the summer, that is more time with you than he has right now!
I was really hoping that we could put emotion aside and deal with the matter at hand and make a new parenting plan outside of court. But if you want to go to court, trial, and waste both our time, the courts time, and a whole bunch of money that neither of us has, you go right ahead. I will be right there every step of the way, all the way until the end, just like last time. Because no amount of money is worth leaving him behind. The bottom line is that we are moving and I am NOT leaving him behind with anyone. We can make a new parenting plan outside of court and reach agreements, or you can object and we can have a court decide for us and go to trial. The choice is ours, so let me know what you decide. But please pick your battles....that's all I ask. What would you do if you had 5 children and couldn't quite afford to get out on your own because there is no child support and your time where you are at was up?'

A lot of his panic responses and feeling like he was not in control of a situation, lead to his controlling responses. I understand that. But I will say that it triggered crap all over again for me...from years ago and got me thinking. Thinking about my own patterns of the people I chose to marry! My first marriage I didn't really know him. I married him because I was already pregnant with my son and it was the 'right' thing to do. HA HA HA! I didn't know him. My second marriage I married him for all the right reasons. Whether he pretended to be someone I thought he was or changed to ugly over time, or maybe he just didn't know the level of responsibility or what he wanted? I will never know. My last husband never physically abused me, but emotionally and environmentally by flat out not providing the basic needs for the family he committed to...exercising his authority of the control of money was huge to him and letting me know he could do whatever he wanted with it. It was his, after all.

Looking back, there were subtle red flags even with the second ex. Whether I chose to ignore them because I was so in love with the idea of being together as a family, or just naive....maybe the stupid honeymoon phase....subtle things where boundaries were crossed, and forgiven because this guy is 'just so great.'

And while I still did much better the second time around, lol, there are things that I just shouldn't have ignored. There were patterns in both, similarities in both spouses that I chose for partners. I started thinking about abuse patterns. And the level of responsibility that the person has. Abuse is unacceptable in any form. And the person being abused NEVER deserves it-no matter what they have said or ANYTHING they have done. Then I think of the women (or men) who stay for years and years in the same patterns of abuse with different men (or women.) You always find a place in your heart to feel sympathy and compassion for these people. Its human nature because we as human beings instinctively KNOW that no one deserves that.
And then I examined myself. There was certainly some responsibility that I had-not that I deserved ANY of that...that's not what I am saying. I had the responsibility of finding someone that knew my worth. The responsibility of saying that I am NO LONGER A VICTIM and I will live my life as such. That I do not deserve treatment like that from ANYONE. I have rights as a human being.

I have a place in my heart for people who have been in abusive relationships, that know no better because they have lived with the patterns all their lives, lack self-worth and value, and think that this is all there is. But once you learn otherwise, that you are worth more, that you have rights, that you love yourself, and are not a victim of abuse any longer, you have to find the courage to change it. That is your responsibility. No longer a victim, but a survivor. Fear is an awful way to live. There is so much more to life than that cycle. And it is certainly okay to be picky! There are more people out there than just him or her that WILL know your worth and value!

For the first time since I was left my by the ex, I am fully content being alone and single no matter how lonely I may get. I am content because I have to figure out my own patterns of people that I chose to marry. I want to take this time so I can pick that truly special special person in about 10 years or so and have it be right. Im not so in love with the IDEA of having a together-family that I ignore the things that shouldn't. Not anymore.

Gosh, I might as well have broadcasted on national TV my journal entry for today! LOL! Guess I just wanted to get it out. Whatever helps, I suppose.

XOXOXOXOX
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  #2  
June 7th, 2010, 02:00 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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Wow. Just...wow. You have come such a long way in the past --what? Year and a half? I can't tell you how proud I am of you! (God I hope that doesn't sound patronizing or condescending!!!) You are such an amazing woman! KUDOS to you for standing up to the sob like that! If he's so **** concerned about his son not being in a shelter, how about he gets up off some of that back child support that he owes you and then he won't have to worry about it! Guess that never occurred to him, huh.... I think you hit the nail on the head--he is thinking custody in the long run.
I never knew how much you had been through before. It makes me respect you even more. You're not a victim--you're a survivor. Victims use what happened to them to excuse not having to try...not having to "get better" or "get beyond" their experiences. Survivors take the experience, learn from it and move forward. A survivor says "I hate what happened but I will not make that mistake again and I will take whatever good I can from this and make my life better (or whole) again" A victim says "I'm too frightened that it may happen again so I just won't try (to love, to trust, etc)" Victims are repeatedly victimized by the same experience because they allow it to rule their lives. Survivors are never victimized. They suffer a bad experience and although it will always be a part of their lives, they will never focus their lives on that one incident. Whether you are a victim or a survivor is a choice. Not an easy one by any stretch but it IS a choice. In fact it is so much easier to be a victim--it relieves you of all responsibility for your life. We all allow ourselves to be victims sometimes--who among us hasn't had our own private pity party? I've had more than my share!!! HOWEVER, a survivor SURVIVES it and moves on. Survivors say--as you have-- I have some responsibility in this even if it's just what happens from here on. Now obviously you're not responsible for having been abused. No one deserves that. No one "asks" for it. No one should ever have to endure it! But, as you so eloquently pointed out, once you understand that, you can no longer allow yourself to be a victim. You have a responsibility to yourself to change the patterns that put you where you are. Perhaps the most difficult thing in all of this is figuring out exactly what part you play in it and identifying what needs to be changed...then changing it! What you said about those red flags is probably the single most important thing. We women are taught from an early age to "be nice"--don't make people feel uncomfortable...don't be a biddyiotch. Well, where has that gotten us? Being nice and not rocking the boat and not making people feel uncomfortable and putting everyone else ahead of ourselves is exactly the mentality that abusers look for! Half the work is already done for him--you feel personally responsible for everyone else's well being and happiness. You sacrifice your own happiness for everyone else. You're non-confrontational. He waltzes in, says some pretty words, tells you how terrific you are and how he can't live without you and BOOM...you're a gonner. Yeah, I have been there. When the pretty words are replaced by the ugly ones, you wonder what YOU did wrong. Simply put, you ignored those red flags in the beginning and you never stood up for yourself. Take a stand NOW! You deserve to be treated well and you deserve to be happy WITHOUT sacrificing for everyone else.
So, what are the red flags? ANYTHING he says or does that either implies or outright states that you are not perfectly acceptable the way you are right now. That doesn't mean that if he says "I love it when you wear your hair down" that you need to dump him. LOL It means if he implies that you MUST wear your hair down in order to please him that you may need to rethink this relationship. So, if he compliments you=good. Tells you what to wear=bad. Notices that your best friend said something that hurt you and was out of line=good. Says you shouldn't see her anymore because he doesn't like her=bad. Tells you that you look HOT in turquoise=good. Tells you to go change because you look fat=bad. Basically, anything he says or does that makes you feel bad about yourself in any way is controlling behavior on his part and it needs to be looked at. Don't ever be afraid to tell him "Hey! That wasn't nice!" or let him know that you won't tolerate that kind of behavior if he hurts your feelings. Don't play games-come right out and tell him he hurt you. Don't get all pouty--that's passive and exactly the kind of attitude these guys look for. Stop him in his tracks and tell him point blank--I WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM YOU OR ANYONE ELSE! If he is an abuser, he will take all the guesswork out of this for you and soon end the relationship because you aren't the type who will take his abuse. Don't let the idea of being alone scare you--you won't be alone for long! Women who know their worth attract men who value them. Don't let the fear of being alone keep you in abusive relationships for the rest of your life. It may take a while to find "Mr. Right" but believe me...he is very much worth the wait! There is nothing wrong with saying "John, you said something earlier this evening that bothered me. I don't know if you meant to hurt me or not but we do need to talk about it so I can understand what you meant." If he is sincere, he will be more than willing to clear up any confusion and let you know he didn't mean to hurt you. Listen to his explanation. Does he try to turn this back on you and make you feel stupid for even bringing it up? Does he try to make you seem overly sensitive? Or does he apologise to you for hurting you and explain what he meant...then make SURE you are ok? A sincere man is going to be feeling bad that he unintentionally hurt you. He's going to want you to understand that it WAS unintentional and make it better. An offhand "Sorry" is NOT an apology! It's a way of saying "SHUT UP NOW OK?" You do NOT want someone who is going to have that attitude about your hurt feelings! You want someone who feels responsible for hurting you and needs to make ammends and to let you know that he didn't mean to hurt you. You deserve the best. Start believing that and demanding it in your relationships.
I have no doubt in my mind that you're going to find someone terrific, HOPE. No doubt whatsoever! You have realized how truly special you are and some day someone is going to come along and sweep you off your feet and make you the happiest woman on earth! He will cherish you the way you should be cherished and he'll know what a wonderful woman you are...and make sure YOU know he knows every day!
Congratulations on successful completion of your externship! You deserve to be extra proud of this accomplishment because not only did you do something that was difficult, you did it under even more extrordinary circumstances--while going through a divorce and having a new baby and a toddler and three other children. You did all of this while undergoing a tremendous emotional growth spurt! Do you remember how frightened you were back then? How lost you felt? Just look at what you have done since then!!! Did you ever think you would make it? All the times when you were tempted to give up, put it off, pack it in...you didn't. You stuck it out and sacrificed for yourself and your kids and now it has paid off! You DID IT! You are truly an inspiration to all of us!
HUGS!!!!
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  #3  
June 7th, 2010, 10:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Dani, nothing form you ever sounds patronizing or condescending. I do remember my first posts on here. Geeez, how could I forget? I remember everything. Man, that was a tough spot to say the least. I truly thought life would not go on anymore. It WAS the end of the world and preggo hormones to boot. Ugh.....Man, that hurt. Really bad.
I dont see myself getting into any relationship anytime soon because Im just not there yet, and if I thought I was ready, I am not sure I could do that while my kids are still young-even if all my bags of luggage were resolved, and he was the right one. I dont want to.
I still wish I hadn't lost the house that I worked soooo hard for, though. That still floors me...but it wont be long until I do it again by myself....After my credit is cleaner after some time. I dream of that day...how many bedrooms that I could actually paint, the yard I could pull weeds in....the house I will watch the babies grow up in....the proms...
You said some great things about what someone would say, or how they would respond...never like an inconvenience or a waste of time. I really needed to hear that, read that. That was excellent.
Dani, I just can't tell you how much encouragement I have received here over the past year or two (has it been two years yet? lol) I just want you to know that your support, encouragement, experiences, and incredibly thoughtful posts that we all love so much have lifted up so many gals here. You are such a wonderful woman. Thank you for all you do. HUGS!
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  #4  
June 10th, 2010, 11:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
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Posts: 1,133
So here is part two...lol...the drama will never end....will it?

I have clearance to take 4/5 (when you have a few kids, you start to use fractions when referring to them, I think. ) of them but have been battling this one. So we give it a few days to chill out after our recent outburst at each other and finally went to dinner tonight to mull this over again. I did tell him that we would have to up his child support if him not being in a shelter wasn't 'good enough for his son.' Wouldn't you know, that being in a shelter wasn't an issue anymore? LOL!


Prior to tonight, we had apologized for letting our emotions alter our responses and agreed to keep the emotions out of it, and focus on the matter at hand. Very cool.

So with the ITR with children it says you have to serve (or send by certified mail) the ITR! I dont have that much time and didn't pay attention to it before now...I had a lot of other things on my plate...
So we discussed me going ahead and sending that to him certified mail, and we work on the new parenting plan to be submitted with the ITR and have it done by monday. Then instead of leaving my son here, like he wanted, without a some kind of order, or parenting plan, we are going to put in the parenting plan that he stays here for 6 weeks or so ON SUMMER VACATION to return back to the state we move to. Perfect.

So it looks so far like I will be dodging attorneys and court this time around...thank God!

I told him to just move there, too. He said he had already been seriously considering it because the only thing he had here, was now leaving. I am good with that, because really, he has been a good father to our son, (now that he's clean) and we are okay as friends and co parents. To keep him him and our son closer would be in the best interest of him. And if he's willing to relocate to be closer to him, so be it. Awkward, yes, but the best thing for my son. Says a lot to my son as well and that would really make him happy. Plus I would have help with one of the kids. LOL! We are opting to split the cost of transportation 50/50, and I am sooo willing to do this (rather that being based on child support worksheets where he would pay more) because he's a good dad and I want them to be able to spend time together.

I am just so thankful that we could reach an agreement outside of court where there is a win-win situation for everyone involved. This is how it was meant to be...so there is hope when having to deal with the other parent in a divorce but may take a while.

The recent ex...well, that's another story. when I have to tell him that we are moving to another state, it's going to get ugly, because it's still raw. Im just waiting until I know exactly where I am going to spill the beans on that one. Maybe its not exactly the right way to go, but you know, it's the quieter way to go.Even though its just the state next to us, and visitation is affordable and possible, its still going to be he// on him and he will look at as 'me taking his kids away' even though he left me and Im ready to move on...and only facilitate a relationship between them. Ugh...not looking forward to that one.

That's my good news.....
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  #5  
June 11th, 2010, 04:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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That's not good news...that's GREAT news! Wow! I sure wish I could have had that kind of relationship with my ex or that he would have been as mature. I guess his initial response was out of anger and fear and now that he's calmed down he's being reasonable. I am so glad for you. I know that's a weight off your mind. I hope the next one goes as easily as this one wound up going. You're in my prayers!
HUGS!!!!
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  #6  
June 13th, 2010, 11:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
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He has grown so much since being off the meth...but I think we both really learned our lesson when we had a 6 month long court battle that took our money and our time and I still got permission to leave.

Yes, I am extremely nervous about telling the recent ex. So I dont know when I am going to do that...most likely when I have everything set...later rather than sooner. I want to do that way, not exactly last minute, but closer to the move date because then he cant go back to court when it has already been addressed in our divorce papers. And I dont care much if it's right wrong....it's who I am dealing with...
So....we will see...
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  #7  
June 14th, 2010, 06:41 AM
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Give him a call from the U-HAUL at the state line. LMAO
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  #8  
June 14th, 2010, 11:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondzilla View Post
Give him a call from the U-HAUL at the state line. LMAO



Well, I think he maybe finally met someone?..... Because he says he doesn't know if he can make it Fathers Day, and this summer he wont be able to make it very much at all because he has to work. But definitely wont make it on the the Fourth of July.....says how depressed he is about it.

I would love to wait until I was at the state border! But I think a week or two for notice is sufficient....considering he can't get up here now anyway, for his visitation. Who knows if that is true or not...but that's what he says....hope its some good booty! LOL!

The first ex tried to pull some crap today. He was served today with his notice papers. (We filled out the paperwork together and then I asked who he wanted to give him the papers...so it wasn't a shock.) That gets the 30 day clock going with the courts that he has to object. Makes me nervous after today. Here goes the drama.....

I can't believe this....he tried to tell me that he didn't want to pay for daycare and wants our son on my medical in order to NOT OBJECT TO THE RELOCATION. WTH?
I said I have given and given and bent over backwards to help him out-so that he doesn't have to live at his grandma's house anymore. I forgave child support to be used on TRAVEL when we moved halfway across the world-which he never did...so he still has to pay that back support anyway. THEN, I said when we moved this time I would pay 50/50 on the travel cost whether that meant that we meet half way, each do one way, or we reimburse each other. That is me giving a little! Because if we based it on the CSW's, the percentage that I would have to pay would be significantly less. Then THIS YEAR, he asked me to be able to claim our son on my year to claim him. So because he had back child support it would go straight back to me...but his goal was to try to get it paid back as soon as possible. I said fine, but then I claim him two years in a row as well. He raised a ruckus over that. I finally told him that if what he wanted was to pay back his support as fast as possible, and claim him two years in a row, then it could only be fair for me to claim him two years in a row. He finally let it go to be able to file his taxes...to which his return was handed over because he doesn't owe the state.

So far with this move, I have said I am willing to do 50/50 on the travel costs, and am willing to move and leave our son here until August AS LONG IT STATES IN THE PARENTING PLAN THAT THIS IS FOR SUMMER VACATION ONLY AND THAT HE RETURNS TO THE STATE WE MOVE TO IN TIME FOR SCHOOL TO START. And that its not some BS way to try to keep in this state, and then try for custody later....Im not playing that game.
He didn't want me to raise his child support for a period of time. So I said ok, I wont up your support amount for two years. THOSE are the only things Im giving on! You think you can just take from your son and depend on me to do it ALL except your measly monthly support? The only one your hurting is your son! And you would be willing to do THAT so you 'have a life' and can move out of your grandma's house??? WOW!
So along with the 50% travel cost, and not raising his support for 2 years, THEN he tells me TODAY (after I thought we were getting this all squared away and agreed on at when we were at the restaurant) that he doesn't want to pay for his daycare and wants me to put our son on MY medical! I dont even have medical! He does. And the entire time I was married to my last husband, he NEVER had to cover ANY of his medical expenses! He was covered through the last ex's insurance!
Im really starting to wonder about his character. Maybe he's not as great as I thought he was...not because we are disagreeing, but because he would be willing to take from his son for his own benefit? That he wants everything worded exactly his way to save a buck so he can 'have a life?' That I have to go through HE// just to move? That the issues that need to be addressed ONLY have to do with the parenting plan and ITR for our son! AND...the only financial ANYTHING that should be addressed with this is THE COST OF TRAVEL. So dont think for a second that you can !$#!$ shortchange your son, and try to get a 'DEAL' moneywise JUST BECAUSE i want to move? And then object or block me BECAUSE you didn't save a dime. You want to play that game, we will just stay here and I will up your support, you can have your medical, and when Im off help for daycare, YOU CAN PAY YOUR PORTION! WTH? Nah, your not playing me this time! Not again.!$%!$#@$ yourself. Im done working with these losers that I picked, man! D-O-N-E! I really dont have time for the games. And I am TIRED of allowing myself to be a welcome mat and having people wipe their @$%@$%$# feet on me. Im done with that too.

I know how this can sound...all my frustration and anger, and I dont care. For the first time in quite a while, I dont care. This is probably the healthiest thing I could do right now, or the way I could be. Because for so long I have really allowed people to wipe their feet and Im done allowing it. Some would call me a bi*otch, but if you knew me, and how I allowed some crap for awhile, it would be called 'IT'S-ABOUT-FRIGGIN-TIME!

I do feel like I have spent a majority of my years with my kids fighting for them. And that's fine. What bothers me, is those people who use the system and the Intent to Relocate for a child to their advantage. Like playing 'Let's make a deal so I can save a dollar. Intent to Relocate is supposed to protect the rights of the child(ren) and the other parent, prevent kidnappings, and allow the other parent time to object to a proposed parenting plan. Not allow for trying to get the parent to agree to less to support their child! I CANNOT stand the ones that use and abuse this law for their own personal gain!

The non-custodial parent has rights. The child has rights. And both are entitled to time with each other, and the non-custodial parent should be allowed to object to the parenting plan and/or the move (provided there are GROUNDS such as the parenting plan to do so) not because they want to pay less in helping to financially support their child...for us, it isn't about the relocation, it's about ABUSING this law to get what he wants...to not help me financially support our son.

Here we go......i dont know what will happen now. But I am going to submit the papers and see if he objects.

I feel so much better for being able to speak my mind and vent about this. Thanks for 'listening'.
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  #9  
June 16th, 2010, 05:11 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Well dang. I thought he had grown up but obviously, he has not. My ex did the same thing with the insurance--Put the kids on your insurance and I will pay you because it's less expensive to so it that way and why should the insurance company get that money? Well he paid it twice. Two months worth. Then he decided that he could save even more money if I was paying it all...then after that it dawned on him he could really save money if he quit paying CS entirely! This is why I now have over $70K in medical bills sitting in collections. (my daughter is diabetic and was hospitalized 25 times during this time period--each time 3 days in pediatric I C U) Don't make my mistakes. You were being fair and he wants more than fair. Screw him. You stick to your guns. And yes, it IS about friggin time!
HUGS!!!
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  #10  
June 18th, 2010, 12:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Still updating this stupid thread....lol

Well, I typed up the papers, we met at the fair, and he signed all of the papers. Just like that. And we spent the rest of the time at the fair? After the papers were done? Weird, but true. It just clicked. I think he realized how dumb he sounded. As if it were worded in the parenting plan 'father agrees to not object to relocation as long as he doesn't have to provide medical coverage for his son. And father also doesn't want to pay for any daycare.'

STUPID! See how far that would go...totally separate issues. I still agreed to the original proposals-not upping the child support, and 50/50 split travel costs. I agreed to 50/50 because if I travel back to this state, one of them has to reimburse me 50% and the other has to reimburse me 64%. So I lost nothing but it was a great bargaining chip.

The ONLY thing I did agree to is not upping the support for two more years. So Im good....He only has a few thousand to catch up on, and that will take him a few years....but is slowly paying back support along with current support....so by the time he is done with that, I will be back in court upping the support amount with no back support due.

The thing about him is that he may get all pissy and stray from the actual topic trying to make a deal, but he has a fast turn around. He comes around pretty quickly-which is good. Im a little leary, but at the same time, we both have each other's word about not upping the support, and that I claim our son two years in a row-that's the best way...when BOTH people have to trust the word of the other for one thing or another.

So the drama for the week is now resolved, signed and all the kiddos are clear to leave the state now! Whew!
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  #11  
June 18th, 2010, 05:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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WOW! That is great!!! What a relief!
Now...have you decided where you're going? LOL
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