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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
June 7th, 2010, 10:26 PM
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Was thinking about you lately...Can you check in with your girls? Miss you and hope all going a little better, at least. HUGS!
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  #2  
June 12th, 2010, 01:49 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Alabama
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Awwww....thank you sweetheart

I was actually going to come and update you girls but didn't get around to it, guess what..... (y'all are going to be so shocked).


I went back to my ex-husband.









NOT!!!!

I went out on a date!!!

So here's my update (and y'all know I'm long winded & it might be a little all over the place so I apologize in advance ).

I met someone online and we talked a little bit and decided to go out to dinner. I will tell y'all about it but I will go ahead and say that we didn't really hit it off so we haven't really talked since. I knew that (realistically) I wouldn't fall in love with the first person I met (unless I was in a Disney movie, and I'm not saying that it can't happen because I'm sure it has happened for some, but I think that's a lot of expectation to put on one evening out). So he asked me to go to the Hard Rock to have dinner (we have a Hard Rock Casino nearby) so we met there and ate at the Hard Rock Cafe and had a nice dinner. I got a watermelon margarita (and it came in a souvenir glass so I'll have something to remember the night by) and then we gambled a little bit and he gave me money to gamble with and we talked while I lost all his money and he won all his back (I have the WORST luck at casinos, never win but I LOVE the atmosphere at the Hard Rock and they do have good restaurants & the best buffets--but I didn't think that would be very ladylike on the first date to pig out at the buffet so when he asked me where I wanted to eat I said the cafe--which I kind of feel bad about because it isn't cheap, and I kind of felt bad my drink came in a take home glass because it wasn't cheap).

So after we gambled a bit we had coffee and talked, then went outside and he walked me over to his truck and had some flowers for me, sunflowers (my favorite) so I was a little shocked. We even kissed goodnight. I had a very nice time and he was very nice and such a gentleman.


But....the bad side.

We got into talking about our divorces....which in his own words "still makes him sick after 8 years". Then I slipped up and said something like "I deserved it for what I did" and he kept asking what did you do? And I didn't want to go into what I had done, I didn't really want to go into detail about that aspect of my life at all (the ex, all of that, all that which was once "was") but he couldn't let it go and I got a little upset because I just stopped and looked at him and told him that he said whatever happened in our pasts wouldn't affect our future (if we even had one) so I got upset and said that he was making me upset because he wouldn't drop it. He told me that "your past is there and it isn't going to ever go away, you can ignore it but it will come out one day, no matter how hard you try to hide it" so then I told him. So it was already downhill from the dramatic divorces (his was a little Jerry Springer & y'all know my situation could be a Lifetime movie) so then at this point I really felt it was like over. I could tell that the atmosphere between him and I had changed a bit but he was still nice to me.

I am also not a touchy-feel-y person when I just meet someone & he was asking me if I was ticklish & I said "NO" because I don't really liked to be tickled and I most def did not want a stranger to try in the middle of a casino but then a few seconds later he went to put his hand on my chair and I almost jumped out of my skin I thought he was trying to tickle me but he got kind of upset but I tried to explain to him that I'm just nervous around new people, haven't been with someone new in 11 years and I was very nervous but he thought by the end of the night the nervousness would have worn off.

He called me when we were leaving & I told him that I thought he would think I'm a kid and I'd probably get on his nerves (he's only 11 years older but very mature, and even though I feel mature I felt like he was such a grown up, if that makes any sense ) I got home and realized I wasn't really ready to date because I still hurt (especially since I actually passed the ex on the way there so I was a little shaken up) and of course once I rethought that, like maybe if he calls and asks me out again I'll say yes because he was very nice and kind and I would be stupid to not go out with him again just because I think I'm not ready to date because I still hurt so bad (wahh wahh on my self pity) then he doesn't seem interested. Great. Now I have to have a mini-mental breakdown that I'll have to do this over and over and over and over until I find the spark with someone.

And I'm so old fashioned, these people just meet people and hookup and they have all these hookup sites like ashleymadison and adultfriendfinder and I know some of the guys I work with have contacted me to be a f&ck buddy & they're with someone! So I have to deal with all this, gosh I feel like an old maid, I am starting to think the kind of relationship I want is not real anymore. I know it takes time and I'm not looking for "the one" or even "the relationship" right from the start but are people even capable of being monogamous? I don't think I had a fairy tale view of the world and now I don't know what to do. But I'm taking it one step at a time. I just want a family one day, a husband who is good to me (doesn't cheat, has a decent job, comes home when he's suppose to, isn't chasing other women, not an abuser or a drunk or a druggie---you get the idea) that wants to take care of a family & be an active part of the family. I want him to love me for all the things I love to do and I want him to love me and have those "sparks" or butterflies or that giggly feeling of love for me FOREVER! So in a way I'm still worrying about the same stuff!


As far as the ex goes:

Still looking at their life on Facebook. She recently made one of those stick figure families, it says "At our house" and has her, my ex, his best friend and her 2 kids. My mom told me the other day she has started to doubt she lives with him but I know that they are living together. But I did see some of his status postings and some of them are rather weird, like "Something has got to change. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Dear lord please send help", When you go to bed upset ou usually wake-up in the same state of mind. I really tired of being over caring", and one about going insane ....I was like, what?! I want you to be posting about how happy you are!!!!! But I can't stop looking at their online stuff and I'm dumb enough to tell myself that maybe it will help me get over him---not, sometimes it just makes me miss him and miss the life I had because I feel right now I'm at a stand still. No friends (my bff and I got into it for something I consider backstabbing so we're not talking anymore, for good this time because this isn't the first time) so I don't have anyone to hang out with, I'm living with my parents, so things are at a stand still in my entire life.

I haven't heard back from him on the divorce so I guess we are going to trail to fight over my car, decorations, storage shed, and the settlement, and my Disney Pin Trading pins, we use to go to Disney every year for about 6 years and I left my pins there. I just wish he would have boxed up all my things and would give it all back. But of course, that would be something "nice" for him to do, I know he trashed it all just like he trashed me. Our 11 year dating anniversary was on the 31st, I left work early because I couldn't function. Stopped at the store and got plastered before I got home lol! So I trying to be ok and do ok. My mom tells me she is proud of me (I don't know why) but I read in her email to a friend a few months ago (around Valentine's day) she was so scared if my ex contacted me that I would go back to him.

I really think, even though I miss him and I miss being married (having someone to be home with, sleep beside, do things with, share a life with) I don't *think* I would ever go back to him. I could never forgive him for some of his cruelty. I look at pictures of him and I'm like...this is HIM, my Brise, doing this to me. He is a different person and I couldn't forgive him for doing all of this and honestly I don't want to because if there ever is a day (which I know in my soul will never happen) if he contacts me or wants to get back with me, I want to *feel* that pain, not just remember it so I know I won't even think about being with him, ever.

I just still hurt because I wanted a family and wanted the whole nine yards and would have done anything in my power to make everything ok. But maybe I will find it again one day.
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  #3  
June 12th, 2010, 07:07 AM
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Bradnie!!! I am so proud of you, too! It took COURAGE to take that first step and go out with someone! Give yourself credit hon. It is not easy taking a chance again and you took the first step in going out with someone new. KUDOS to you for that! It sounds like it was a good first date no matter how it turned out. (You want to swap dating horror stories, believe me I have TONS that make yours look like a complete success! LOL) You're right not to think that the first person you go out with will wind up being the new Mr Brandie. LOL It doesn't happen very often but you took the chance and went out and had a good time. The fact that you didn't spend the entire evening discussing your divorce is a HUGE thing! (My first dates I could not understand why they never called back...then I realised one day all I did was talk about what a *&^%$#! my ex was! LOL I am on someone's worst dates ever list....a few "someone"s LOL) Although I still think you shouldn't keep looking at their Facebook page, it sure doesn't seem to me like they're in paradise. Also, I would contact your ex--prefferably through someone else like your mother--and ask him to get your things together and drop them off sometime when you aren't going to be there. It isn't fair that you should be without your things and run the risk that one of them decides to toss them or destroy them just to be shtis. (I just love JM and their little asterisks/hashmarks) Your Disney pins especially. Those are items that you collected to remind you of special days and he has no claim to them. Your decorations...are they holiday decorations or home decor? If they are home decor, you MAY be out of luck on most of them since they kinda go with the house. I say may because I really don't know. Pictures and knick knacks could be divided up between the two of you but curtains and lighting fixtures and things that are attached to the house USUALLY go with the house in a sale so that may be the same here. I don't really know. There is NO reason you can't ask for them or be compensated for NOT getting them. Did you own the house? If you did, you can FORCE him to sell it or buy you out. It usually will not matter if he owned it before you were married either. (unless you had a prenup or the laws in your state determine anything purchased prior to the marriage as not part of the marital assets. HOWEVER, if you refinance after the marriage, it becomes community property and you are entitled to half of it. Don't let him bully you over this. If he wants to stay in the house he can pay you rent until he has paid off your half of the equity in the house or pay you a lump sum for it or sell it and split the proceeds. If there were two vehicles, one of them is yours. NO QUESTIONS! I don't care if his name is on the title, your car is yours. No judge is going to leave you without a vehicle and give them both to him...especially not after he treated you like he did. If you haven't already taken possession of it, do so.
Brandie, I am seeing you blossum. It's a wonderful thing to see. Someday, just as others have before you, you're going to realise just how special you are and forgive yourself for all these perceived transgressions you feel so guilty about. Sweetie none of us is without sin. We have ALL made mistakes and yes, some of us could take the blame for our marriages going down the drain or at least starting to fail. that being said, it takes two to make a marriage work and if he wasn't giving his 100%, you can't be blamed for 100% of the results. He OBVIOUSLY was not giving 100% because people who give 100% don't have someone on the side. You did not CAUSE the marriage to fail. You may have contributed but he was also to blame. Don't excuse his behavior! It's INEXCUSABLE! No matter what you may have done it does not give him the right to do what he did! So, instead of saying "I deserved it for what I did" , say "We had some issues that we just could not get past. He wound up moving his new girlfriend in". If the guy persists, tell him you don't want to discuss it with him because you don't think it's appropriate conversation for a 1st date. If things move forward with him, you'll fill him in on all the gory details when the time is right but for now let's just leave it at that. What your date did the other night was invasive and rude. He should have just left it but since you won't be seeing him again, it doesn't really matter. A man needs to give you your privacy and let you decide when and what you feel comfortable telling him. It sounds like he has some real issues that he should work on--8 years and he's STILL talking about his divorce??? I can see how if things went forward with him, you'd spend many hours talking about her and how she was so evil and how could she have done that to him and blah blah blah....not what you want!
Hold your head high, girl. You're doing just fine! I know you still have rocky times and you will still have more from time to time but I think you've passed the crisis and are on the road to recovery. I am so happy to hear that! Oh and your first lines of the post? Don't ever do that to me again. LMAO I stared at those words and my heart just dropped! LOL I thought NO! DON'T DO THAT!!! LOL I stared and tried so hard to think of what I could say to you that would sound supportive without telling you I thought you were making a mistake...then I scrolled down. LMAO What a way to begin my day...jump started my heart, that's for sure!
HUGS!!!
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  #4  
June 13th, 2010, 10:18 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ha ha Dani! I'm sorry for scaring you, but I knew y'all would just die after all the drama that has happened.

As far as the house goes, it was in his name years before we were married and he never added me to the mortgage or deed and even my attorney said it wouldn't be worth fighting for the house because in a judge's eyes our 3 year marriage isn't very significant (my attorney is a no bullshot kind of person) but he did say that I could ask for the moon and stars and it would be left up to the judge. I figured I would ask for the cash settlement and the rest and hope for the best. When I say settlement I only asked for a few thousand dollars and I know that STBX will fight tooth and nail for me not to get it because that's how he is but I figure *maybe*if my attorney makes it clear that I have no objections to him keeping the house, that maybe I'll be granted my settlement. I only asked for that because I want to go back to school, I only have about 6 classed until I finish my degree & he always said he would pay for me to go back to school and he never did so that is all I am going to do with it. I have started saving a little bit here and there because I honestly don't think I'll get it. Even though I told my attorney I did contribute to our household & he even said I should try for some of the equity but 3 years isn't a whole lot but maybe since I am not trying for the house, any appliances, or anything else, maybe I'll get something.

The decorations were seasonal decorations for the holidays. I am a decorating freak. I did get some of my Christmas ornaments (my tree was a Disney tree so most of my ornaments were all from Disney World) but I think I got those when I left. I just remembered my Disney pins the other day and I got upset because I just wish he would have kept my belongings but I know deep down they are gone and those pins meant a lot to me, they were from special times and had special meanings (even though they were from him, which makes it kind of painful) but I know my things are long gone. I keep hoping there was a shred of decency in him (like the hope he would have just kept my things to the side) but then I think...oh yeah, this is the same person who lied to me all this time. My mother says my things are probably all put to the side unless it was something her or her kids wanted (my Stitch stuffed animal was in the background in one of her pics, it was in a red round tub in the bathroom ?).

I am just having a hard time. I just hurt everyday and I know that I am not going to be able to keep it together on the divorce hearing because anytime I talk to or even think about talking to my attorney I can't keep it together. I just can't quit crying because it's real then. It is going to be so very hard for me.
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  #5  
June 13th, 2010, 11:06 PM
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OMG....when I read the top part I went through a series of thoughts that went like this....

Scrolled down....

Followed by

Brat!

I am soooo proud of you! I dont know why you feel badly about him paying for the things that are expensive. He asked where you wanted to go and you told him. So? Shoot, I would have said where I wanted to go, too, and had a good time with no expectations of anything but a good time and and a good dinner! YOu said you felt bad that it wasn't cheap....well, neither are you....so enjoy it! LOL! If it went further great, if not there will be plenty of other 'applicants' LOL!
I hear you on how nasty some people can be...the cheaters. It's disgusting.
He doesn't sound that mature to me... He's not over his crap in almost a decade? Really?
AND I TOTALLY agree 200% with Dani about him being 'invasive and rude' in pushing you talk about something you didn't really want to. That would be one of those disrespect boundaries for me, I think. Pulling up the flag here....Color? Red.
On the other hand, You getting out and going on a date and having a good time is awesome! Sounds like you had a blast!

I liked that you talked more about your date than the ex, though! YAY! The ex doesn't sound very happy to me, either. How do you feel about that? J/K!

Im so excited to hear about your next date!

I wish I could send you a bucket for the guilt you carry. And every time you wanted to blame yourself for something, you would have to immediately stop what you are doing and write something contrary to that negative or guilty thought and put it in the bucket. Go back and read all the positive once a week.

Keep going! Your doing great! And drink up a watermelon margarita for me, would ya?

HUGS!
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  #6  
June 14th, 2010, 06:39 AM
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OK the holiday decorations you should DEFINITELY get! And here's the thing in any kind of negotiations--ask for the world and be willing to settle for one country. ASK for half the house. Be willing to settle for a few thousand. ASK for all of the decorations including the pretty lamps and knick knacks and be willing to settle for your holiday decorations. I collect ornaments too and have both my collection and my mother's so they span 30+ years! Each one is carefully dated and in it's original box because they don't crush as easily that way. I KNOW how much those mean to you!!! Get them back before the holidays because I don't think he would throw them out nor would SHE let him--SHE would keep them but not let him toss them. So you tell him you want your decorations or $5,000--the approximate value of the collection (pulling a number out of my...ear. ) If he gives you the money, you have money for school and to start a new collection. If he gives you the collectibles, you have them and still have the chance for money from the house for school. YOU win either way. That's what we want. So remember, ask for EVERYTHING and settle for what you wanted to begin with. Every time he says "OH HEII NO YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT!!!" YOU say "OK, you can keep that but I want this then". You're giving him his fishing poles in exchange for your Christmas ornaments and giving him his toolbox in exchange for your pins. Ask for the world. You are not going to get it but you will have more leverage when trying to get the things you really do want.Otherwise if you ONLY ask for your pins and decorations, you'll get half and always feel cheated. I WISH I had understood this concept when I got divorced!
Take back your power, Brandie. He doesn't deserve to have it. Take it back and kick his AZZ with it!!!!!!
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  #7  
June 14th, 2010, 11:55 PM
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Awe, He// ASK for ALL of it, and be willing to settle for half of everything. Shoot, cut everything in half...and the stuff you really want to keep (the stuff that cant be cut in half) let him keep something he really wants to keep. Settle for nothing less than what you deserve. And its much more than you think. I asked for NOTHING and I regret it now.
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  #8  
June 16th, 2010, 09:37 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Alabama
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Thank you ladies I can't thank y'all enough for how nice you have been to me. There are days that I can't even come on JM because when I originally joined we were TTC and of course I still go wander into the TTC room and I feel so sad. There are ladies that are having their babies and I remember when they got their BFP. I feel so happy for them but so jealous in a way.

I found out that the ex and his new woman spent the weekend in New Orleans (where he and I use to go for our weekend trips, where he took me for my birthday last year) and she uploaded pictures to their photobucket and she is wearing an engagement ring AND a wedding band (even though they can't legally be married until 3 months after a judge signs our divorce papers). They seem really happy but I just don't understand what happened. I feel like I take 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. I saw her posing in her night gown, leg propped up on the bed, displaying her cellulite and fat rolls (not saying I don't have either of these things, but I don't pose for the camera and then upload it online to a PUBLIC photo album with the look on my face like I'm THE *****). She has huge tattoos on her back, these long trashy looking fake nails, they went to the Hustler store & she bought herself 2 pair of literal stripper shoes, and then has a picture of her posing in front of a fountain in a halter top dress & no bra (boobs sagging and going to the East and West) and to top it off, holding a Krystal's cup.

I say all that because I never knew he was like this. I wasn't allowed to have trashy looking finger nails, wasn't allowed to have tattoos & he cussed me out because a few years ago I got the top of my ear pierced (my mother & I did it on her mother's day...she was feeling wild ). I've seen pictures of the house in complete wreck and I wasn't allowed to do that, he would fuss at me if I hadn't folded the laundry within a few days. Of course it is my fault because I allowed him to control me but he was a completely different person & called people like her trash (which my mother tells me he pretended for a long time but it was much easier for him to be trash than to keep pretending).

He even had flowers sent to their hotel room because she posted how sweet he was and how she was a sucker for lillies. They seem happy. I just feel like I'll feel like this forever, what if I never get better? What if I always hurt? What if I never fall in love again because it doesn't feel right? It has been almost 6 months and I still hurt almost just as bad as I did when I left. What if I never have a family and a home again? I just make myself sick because I can go through good days and then I'm right back at square one. I think about my ex all the time, I hurt because he doesn't love me & never will again but he loves her & they (appear) to be very happy. I miss the things he use to do for me (which wasn't very much but of course to me, I thought it was a big deal). I miss sleeping beside him, I miss sharing my life with him (and how stupid does that sound because he must have been cheating for a long time if they're already wearing wedding bands). I wish I could have amnesia for the past 5 years and I wouldn't hurt anymore
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  #9  
June 17th, 2010, 04:32 PM
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I know it's hard but you have come a long way even if right now it doesn't seem like it. They both sound like trash to me and YOU don't! In fact, she sounds rather...gross. I'm with you--I would never post pictures like that! (I'd never TAKE pictures like that!) I think people who do that have a need to act like they don't care what others think and deep down inside, they LONG to be accepted. It's like the fat person who is the first to mention how fat they are and jokes about it or the homely person who says something demeaning about their looks or the uneducated person who pokes fun at how stupid they are...these people are trying to show that they don't care that you might see them as fat or ugly or stupid when in reality, they just want to be accepted...we all do. To me, she seems desperate for someone to accept her and in essense she is saying to the world "I don't care what anyone thinks about me because I think I am sexy" when in reality she's very insecure. People who are secure in how they look, their intelligence or physique, don't HAVE to make any such statements because they DO like the way they look and they know they are smart/attractive/fill in the blank. Another analogy-and I know we all know someone like this--is the thin, pretty girl who is constantly making statements about how much weight she has gained, how fat she is, what a blimp she is, etc. What she is REALLY saying is "I need someone to tell me how great I look because I feel ugly" At one point in my life I was morbidly obese--285 pounds. I was miserable and I knew how awful I looked--I certainly didn't need anyone to point it out to me! One of the gals I knew used to constantly make statements like "God if I gain one more pound I will have to kill myself" and "I'm so fat I can't stand myself" and things of that nature. Whenever I was around her, she'd say these things then look directly at me--expecting me to say "OMG You are NOT fat! I WISH I looked like you!" I didn't. I would say "Well if you're unhappy with the way you look, why don't you do something about it?" One day she reacted to what I said with a very rude and hurtful remark--something like "You should talk!" I reminded her that SHE was the one saying she didn't like the way SHE looked...not me! Although I hated the way I looked and really did wish I had her figure I would never give her the satisfaction of telling her that. I don't play those games. What your ex's girlfriend is doing is the same thing--"tell me I look good". She's so insecure she has to ask the whole world to bolster her ego...and we all know that someone will feed all of her insecurities. Right now, your ex is doing it. someday he's going to tire of feeding her ego because egos of people like that never get completely filled up...they always want more. That's exhausting and life is SOOOOO much more than that! Who wants to spend their life trying to make someone feel good enough?
Laugh it off and KNOW that you are so much better than that! You have so much more class and dignity than she will EVER have!!! She's a trashy skank and someday he will see her for what she is--garbage. You on the other hand, will find someone who is WORLDS better and has some class himself.
HUGS!!!
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  #10  
June 18th, 2010, 12:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondzilla View Post
I know it's hard but you have come a long way even if right now it doesn't seem like it. They both sound like trash to me and YOU don't! In fact, she sounds rather...gross. I'm with you--I would never post pictures like that! (I'd never TAKE pictures like that!) I think people who do that have a need to act like they don't care what others think and deep down inside, they LONG to be accepted. It's like the fat person who is the first to mention how fat they are and jokes about it or the homely person who says something demeaning about their looks or the uneducated person who pokes fun at how stupid they are...these people are trying to show that they don't care that you might see them as fat or ugly or stupid when in reality, they just want to be accepted...we all do. To me, she seems desperate for someone to accept her and in essense she is saying to the world "I don't care what anyone thinks about me because I think I am sexy" when in reality she's very insecure. People who are secure in how they look, their intelligence or physique, don't HAVE to make any such statements because they DO like the way they look and they know they are smart/attractive/fill in the blank. Another analogy-and I know we all know someone like this--is the thin, pretty girl who is constantly making statements about how much weight she has gained, how fat she is, what a blimp she is, etc. What she is REALLY saying is "I need someone to tell me how great I look because I feel ugly" At one point in my life I was morbidly obese--285 pounds. I was miserable and I knew how awful I looked--I certainly didn't need anyone to point it out to me! One of the gals I knew used to constantly make statements like "God if I gain one more pound I will have to kill myself" and "I'm so fat I can't stand myself" and things of that nature. Whenever I was around her, she'd say these things then look directly at me--expecting me to say "OMG You are NOT fat! I WISH I looked like you!" I didn't. I would say "Well if you're unhappy with the way you look, why don't you do something about it?" One day she reacted to what I said with a very rude and hurtful remark--something like "You should talk!" I reminded her that SHE was the one saying she didn't like the way SHE looked...not me! Although I hated the way I looked and really did wish I had her figure I would never give her the satisfaction of telling her that. I don't play those games. What your ex's girlfriend is doing is the same thing--"tell me I look good". She's so insecure she has to ask the whole world to bolster her ego...and we all know that someone will feed all of her insecurities. Right now, your ex is doing it. someday he's going to tire of feeding her ego because egos of people like that never get completely filled up...they always want more. That's exhausting and life is SOOOOO much more than that! Who wants to spend their life trying to make someone feel good enough?
Laugh it off and KNOW that you are so much better than that! You have so much more class and dignity than she will EVER have!!! She's a trashy skank and someday he will see her for what she is--garbage. You on the other hand, will find someone who is WORLDS better and has some class himself.
HUGS!!!
WOW! Beautifully and FASTASTICALLY said! LOVE IT! That Dani, man she's good isn't she, Bran?

She can take darn near anything that someone is feeling crappy about, put a different spin on it, and you walk away with a different perspective.

I couldn't have said it better! TWO THUMBS WAAAAY UP!
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  #11  
June 18th, 2010, 03:48 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
Thank you both so much. I don't know what I would have done without you two in my corner every time I posted. I have told y'all things that I haven't told to anyone but my mother. I thought/think the way I feel this whole time as been stupid but you ladies have made me feel like I'm not crazy and I'm not stupid. There just aren't words that can even begin to tell you how thankful I am. I know it takes time to read my whiny problems and it takes time for you to respond and y'all always respond with such thought and I appreciate it so much. You ladies have fought such bigger battles than me (Hope I was reading over your recent post and you had so much going on my head was spinning ) Here I am, just a little over three years married with no kids and no serious abuse and I'm complaining about so much. I think my life has ended but y'all see it differently. I can't wait to get to the place in my life where I no longer care and I no longer hurt. That will be a beautiful day. I wish I could just forget about the past few years all together but I hope it will make me stronger. I'm so stupid when I find out new things I just repeat the words "I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe he is doing this" and it has been almost 6 months. I have beat myself up in every way and I know I won't ever get answers and that is hard to swallow because that is all I have is questions. I just can't thank y'all enough for the kindness you have shown me.

Well, maybe nothing major will happen between now and August. Maybe the next big post will be about our divorce trial and crossing my fingers, how great the outcome will be (I doubt that but it takes less energy to hope for the best than to fret about something I can't change anyway).
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  #12  
June 18th, 2010, 05:02 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via AIM to Blondzilla
Just before I met Tom, I dated a man who I THOUGHT was going to be the next Mr Dani. LOL Boy was I wrong! He dumped me very unceremoniously one night in favor of watching a Nascar race. Yeah. His sister told me he had already bought a ring and everything and I show up to his house to go out one evening and he says nope. and asks for his keys. "I can't believe this is happening to me" became my mantra! I was DEVASTATED! I thought my world had ended and I would NEVER be happy again. I wanted to die. I wanted to make him see what he was giving up. I wanted to turn back the clocks and be happy again...back to a time when he loved me and all was right with the world. A few months later, my dream came true and he called me one day out of the blue and said "Why can't I get you out of my mind?" I said "because you know you threw away something that doesn't come along every day. Something precious and good." A week later I was the one telling him it would not work. Let me tell you, that felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!!! Knowing that I was in control, didn't want him anymore and that he was suddenly faced with not having something he wanted. It was nice to make him see how it felt. Although I wish I could have been cold hearted enough to make it sting, I did it with compassion and tried to spare his feelings as much as I could. About two years ago, his sister contacted me on AIM one night and asked how I was doing. At least I think it was his sister. She ws on his screen name so it COULD have been him. She was instrumental in breaking us up so I took great pleasure in letting her know that I was so happy now and so glad that her brother had opened my eyes and I said "Him breaking up with me was actually the best thing that ever happened to me." I knew either way it would get back to him and I wanted him to KNOW that there would never be another opportunity--because I think that's what it was about...she wanted to know how I was doing and if there was any chance I would be open to seeing him again. I slammed that door shut! LOL
You'll reach that point too. You will someday KNOW in your heart that you're free of him and that no matter what, you don't want him back...and yes it WILL stop hurting! I never thought it would either and there are still some things I --not miss so much as fondly remember--but I am so glad I never married him because #1-I would not have met Tom and #2 I'd be going through a second divorce right about now.
You keep posting whatever you want to. We care about you and want you here! We have ALL felt like all wwe do is whine about our problems and how everyone else's seem so much worse than ours...but the truth is, it doesn't matter why or how the relationship ended--pain is pain and when it's yours, it is the only pain you can focus on and that is what this group is for. Helping you deal with and get past your pain.
HUGS!!!!
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