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My divorce hearing is coming up and I am starting to have trouble. I thought maybe since it is 2 1/2 weeks away, maybe if you guys had a spare thought between now and Aug 4th at 8:30 AM you might just say a prayer or if you don't pray, a kind thought. My mother and I will be meeting with my attorney soon and every time it gets to dealing with the "real" stuff I loose my mind. I am going to be a basket case because even though I knew it was coming and didn't have any hopes other than the divorce, it being here makes it seem so much more real and it is an awful feeling. I blame myself because I tried to (some what, and in a very, very small way) try to move on and start gathering myself together to move on and I knew it was a bad idea and knew I would be better off in shambles for these past 7 months because I knew there was no point in trying to heal and be ok and try to start moving on when I knew the hearing was coming up (we actually have to go to trial because he won't settle so we can't do this through attorney's, he's going to pull out all the stops like he did before, bringing out every single little thing I did) so it will be a very, very hard day.
On another note, I have started decorating my new place (even though it isn't a house & even though I'll still be on my parents property is that still classified as my own place?! Ha ha) I have done pretty well, my mom went with me to pick out stuff to decorate with and I only had one mental breakdown and that was yesterday when I tried to go to Lowes to get paint. I was so terrified I'd run into him because he and his new other half went to Lowes all the time after I left (I saw one of them post something about it and then his step brother's girlfriend posted on Facebook she met my STBX at Lowes) so I had a panic attack in the store and I immediately left but I called my mom and cried, met her and her friend and we went shopping, then today I did it. My heart raced only a little but I did it. I went to Lowes all by myself and got my paint. I think his attorney was there (looked just like him and he kept walking past me like 4 times and I got a little freaked bc I thought he was going to try to talk to me, to which I would have went off because at the Protection Order hearing I at least tried to make it quite clear I had no desire to speak to either one of them) but I made it and at least this time I didn't run into him but it makes me extremely worried about what will happen when I do. I am so very scared I am going to snap when I see them together, happy, laughing, holding hands, with the kids. But at least that day wasn't today, and hopefully it won't be tomorrow either because I will have to go back and get more paint and supplies lol!
Brandie, you have come such a long way! I am proud of you and you should be, too! And yes, even decorating your own place when it happens to be on your parents' property does count!
It's going to be a difficult day for you--we all know that and there is no getting around it. Go for the throat. Don't let him see you cry and take his cojones with you when you leave. He deserves to be caused as much pain as he caused you. You know we are all praying for you and we are here when you need us.