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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
August 19th, 2010, 03:32 PM
mom2xander's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Tucson, AZ
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Hi, my name is Cassie (21). I'm a SAHM to my son Xander (20 months). His dad and I were never legally married, but regarded each other as such for the 2 and 1/2 years we were together. We lived together, made financial decisions together, even referred to each other as husband and wife. He left us 3 times - twice while I was pregnant and once right when Xander was born. He began giving me ultimatums this past February. I decided to leave him in March for good, and am glad I didn't take him back this time.

I have gotten past my feelings for him, and to a point where I am happy to be moving on... aside from one little detail. Our son is almost 2 years old, and he has yet to spend a dime to help take care of him. I gave him a very long time and he is beginning to get frustrated with me because I started asking him to help me pay for half of the expenses related to Xander now that he has a job. He's getting married next week, after a whole 5 months, and I don't know how to deal with things anymore.

My biggest concern is getting custody and child support, because he can be a nasty person when he gets pissed. A friend suggested I turn to this board, not only for advice on those matters but just to be able to have somewhere to turn with people who can understand.

Sorry this intro was so long, lol, but I hope I'm coming to the right place!

Thanks.
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  #2  
August 19th, 2010, 05:36 PM
MzzMommaD's Avatar Sleepy Rat Rattery
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Phoenix AZ
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First let me say I wish you the best of luck. i went through the same situation and my son is almost 2. His father has yet to send a single penny since he promised support last September. May I suggest a site to you called Find a lawyer. Free legal advice. Lawyer ratings. - Avvo.com
It is a free legal advice site you can post in your city and lawyers will give you free advice. It is free membership, you can ask as many questions as you want on any subjects. My best piece of advice? Let him get married and disappear into the wind. Then down the road you can claim abandonment and you can take full custody. The amount of time it takes varies state
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  #3  
August 19th, 2010, 05:58 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
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First of all, welcome. I'm Dani, the host here. You are always welcome here and yes, you have come to the right place.
Even though you and your ex were never legally married he is STILL obligated to support your son and that means that you can go after him it. If he gets ugly, take out a restraining order. He has no right to make you handle all of your son's expenses by yourself. You didn't make your son alone and you should not have to support him alone. He OWES child support on that child! The court isn't going to care if he likes that or not and if he refuses to pay, most states have penalties for non-payment such as loss of your driver's licence and in some cases jail. He can get ugly but the courts will get uglier. If you can't afford a lawyer, contact legal aid and see if you can get free legal help. If you're willing and able to research and learn about it all, you CAN do it all yourself. (we have one member who will attest to that since she did her divorce and custody stuff herself! -- you know who you are, KrazE! LOL) Is his name on the birth certificate? If it isn't, you may have to have a paternity test done to prove he is the father. If it is, and he contests paternity, then he will have to pay for it.
I'm assuming that by "can be a nasty person when he gets pissed" that you mean he is abusive. Document EVERYTHING he says or does and if you have any witnesses to his abusive behavior, get them to do the same. If you do wind up in a nasty court battle, it's going to come in handy. You will need to keep notes on the times, dates and what was said/done and what preceded the event--i.e. On Thursday, August 19th at 4:30 PM, he showed up half an hour late to pick up your son and made you late for an appointment and when you mentioned it to him he called you ______ and pushed you. Again, any witnesses should also be noted. Save any voicemails/text messages/emails that are abusive as well. If you need to get a restraining order, anything you can show that backs up your story is going to help.
I hope that helps!!!
HUGS!
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  #4  
August 20th, 2010, 07:12 AM
Christina33's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: MS
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Hi Cassie! I'm Christina and I'm very glad you found here on this board! I can tell you from experience, this is a great board to come to for both advice and comfort. I've had to deal with almost every situation there is related to divorce & separation since I & my first husband split. We were married in 1998, had 2 children and by January 2003, he'd had another baby with another girl . . . WHILE WE WERE STILL MARRIED & LIVING TOGETHER!! He also can be very ugly in any given situation & I hate to have to deal with him even after all these years. My children just moved in with him last year (long story, but mostly due to financial issues) but I still feel like a SAHM since they live with me during the summer and holidays. (they just went back to their dad's house for the school year) But I also babysit for my 2 nephews every day, so I still feel like a SAHM even when my babies are not here
Anything you need, you can always come here to talk it out ... vent ... cry ... & get GREAT advice! So glad to meet you!
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  #5  
August 20th, 2010, 08:22 AM
mom2xander's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondzilla View Post
I'm assuming that by "can be a nasty person when he gets pissed" that you mean he is abusive. Document EVERYTHING he says or does and if you have any witnesses to his abusive behavior, get them to do the same. If you do wind up in a nasty court battle, it's going to come in handy.
My ex isn't necessarily physically abusive, but he's very controlling. He has the mindset of he's "letting me" care for our son. I do have dirt on him, but I don't want to resort to using it unless I have to. He sent me a message basically saying he wanted to kill himself, along with pictures of him scratching "I hate my life" into his arm. He didn't break the skin, but at the same time it shows he's unstable. I live in Arizona, which is a harsh state on dead beat dads. I recently lost my job, so that extra money would really help us.
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