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hello all, I have lurked here once or twice a long time ago when I was contemplating divorce. Now the day has come. About 3 weeks ago we seperated, although not legally. We expect to divorce, I am sure I will be the one filing it though. My name is Jessica, I have 3 beautiful girls who are trying to be tough. Caidance is 5years old, she and her dad havent had a very good bond so it doesnt seem to be affecting her much more then the random "I miss daddy" comments. My 2 year old, Ember, it seems to be affecting the worse, they had a pretty close bond. FInally I have an 8 month old Teagan. I work full time as a preschool teacher and I go to school full time as well, its been tough adjusting to being the "single mom", but we are taking it one day at a time. He doesnt make much time for them sadly. I am excited to get to know you girls and find some friendship in similarity. In the past 3 weeks I have quickly found out who my friends are and are not, and unfortunately the ones I thought were closest, turns out werent really friends at all. Thanks for listening to me ramble, lol I tend to do that.
Being a single Mom can be trying at times, but the kids are worth it.
My advice to you is to start to keep a journal immediately about any contact you have with him, things that are said, visits (or lack there of) with the kids - literally everything.
Communicate in writing as much as possible to have a record of everything. Also, check in your area for the laws regarding custody & support. In many places, you can separate the matters and file for the custody & child support without actually filing for divorce initially.
Ensure that when you do start the process, you have everything on hand in regards to what has been going on during that time and when he's had contact or refused contact with the children.
The biggest thing that you learn when you become a single parent and if the other parent swears up & down that they will go for full custody, they seem to miss the fact that they already deemed you fit to raise the children because the children are still with you - you have Defacto Custody and everything that happens from that point on creates what is called Status Quo. Status Quo is very important in the majority of custody cases where the Primary parent continues to be reasonable and does not deny the non-custodial parent access; Judges tend to not make too many changes to Status Quo in the absence of abuse or neglect of course.
I had gone through a painful divorce 3 years back. now I have learnt to live life with a strong heart, and have 2 children to support. But when I was freshly divorced, things were not at all easy for me. The emotional setback was the worst thing to cope up with. My kids were very attached to their father, and it is needless to say how tiring it gets to manage children after divorce, when they are also coping with this stressful situation. But things are on track now, and I am a happy soul.
Status Quo is very important in the majority of custody cases where the Primary parent continues to be reasonable and does not deny the non-custodial parent access; Judges tend to not make too many changes to Status Quo in the absence of abuse or neglect of course.
Best of luck!
I did not know this! This makes me feel so much better about my situation. I will make an introductory post. This is my first time lurking here. Thanks for this info!