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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
October 23rd, 2010, 11:13 PM
bluebutterfly's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 16,390
I've never posted in here before, but I thought this would be the place to ask since I assume at least a couple of you have been where I am and get some opinions.

My sons' dad and I split a few months ago, but continued living together. Two months ago or so he decided he was going to move back to his home province. Didn't discuss it with me or anything, just said that's what he wanted and he was going because he had to start "his" life. Fine whatever. He was supposed to leave Nov. 2nd, but his mother told him he should come home sooner and he does whatever mommy tells him so he left Wednesday.

A bit of background. He had a stroke in 2007 and really hasn't been the same since. He lost vision in one eye totally and partial in the other, can't go back to work and is now on permanent disability. He pretty much does whatever his mother tells him to do now. He has to ask her opinion on everything, he had to send her his CPP forms (those not from Canada it's a pension plan) to look over and add to because he didn't know if he filled them out properly, he refuses to disagree with her on anything because he's afraid if he does she won't love him any more and like I said, does whatever she tells him to do. It's like he can't think for himself. There were moments when he lived with me that seriously made me stop and go wth were you thinking by doing that?? He's considered a danger to the working environment because of his eyesight and even in public I've seen it. If he doesn't look around before he walks he runs into things/people. There are times that I worry about the kids safety with him. He'll let them play with things they shouldn't (screw drivers, measuring tapes) falls asleep at the drop of a hat, impulse control etc. He does love them I know that, but he just worries me.

We haven't involved lawyers when it comes to custody. He's just agreed that I will keep the boys (only one is his bio and he never adopted my oldest so he's not really part of it even though he sees him as his father), he'd pay child support and fly out to see them whenever possible. Now, he wants to take my youngest back to Ontario with him after Christmas to visit his family and no way am I comfortable with this. I don't trust him and I especially don't trust his mother who already last year took him to a lawyer behind my back (her idea). I have this fear if I let my son go he'll refuse to bring him back.

I don't want to involve a lawyer, but I will if pushed. (I think it may come down to that anyway because I wouldn't be surprised if his mother talks him into talking to one regarding this issue) Considering he has had all these mental/physical problems, relies on his mother for everything and can't seem to think for himself can I stop him from taking my son out of province? He's never been left alone with the boys EVER on his own and has never had to be the only one to take care of their day to day needs.
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  #2  
October 24th, 2010, 05:33 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
I'm guessing that the child in question is 2; but with that being said, how long have the two of you been together where the 4 yr old is concerned?
If he took on the role of being his father for most of his life, then the court will not allow him to choose one over the other and he would still be responsible for child support.

That being said, his bio child at minimum should be receiving CPP benefits due to his father being on disability. Also, child support is independent of the CPP benefits thus he would also be responsible for table amounts regardless.

You need to see a lawyer right away and get an order in place in regards to custody, ensure that you include all information about the situation along with your concerns about safety. Also, any visitation costs should be paid by him since he's the one that moved away; it was his choice, not yours.

As it stands right now, you have defacto custody, but he has equal rights to the kids. If he decides to take the children for a visit to another province, he's within his rights to do as such. Get to a lawyer ASAP.
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  #3  
October 24th, 2010, 08:25 AM
bluebutterfly's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 16,390
Thanks for the response!

We've been together since my oldest was 8 months old, living together since he was a year. I know in the eyes of the law if it went to court he would be responsible for child support for him as well, and he knows this too. He doesn't want to pay support for him, but still wants to be considered his father. Wants the title doesn't want the responsibility type of thing. Honestly, I don't care where Hayden is concerned. His bio sperm donor wanted the same thing: title, no responsibility and he hasn't been in his life since he was 8 weeks old. I've raised both boys pretty much on my own since most of the time he's been useless and I do consider Hayden "mine" rather than "ours".

I really wanted this to be smooth and not have to worry about courts/lawyers. I just wanted to work it out between ourselves, but I think where his mother is concerned and everything she will tell him to do and he will do it, a lawyer may not be something I can avoid. I'm still going to be adamant about him not taking him out of province and we'll see what happens. Even if it's in within his rights I'm not about to do something that I'm not comfortable with, you know.
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  #4  
October 24th, 2010, 09:35 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
I agree with you, and yes, it would be nice if things could be done without involving lawyers, but the reality of the situation means that you best file things in court where you live before his mother urges him to file in Ontario. If that happens, you will have to find a lawyer in Ontario to attend court on your behalf, or be physically present yourself.
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