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I am new here, but wanted to take a minute to introduce myself and share a little bit of my story. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years, and just had our fifth child. A few months after I found out I was pregnant, I found out he had been cheating on me with a local woman, and had been telling me lie after lie for months. He instantly wanted a divorce, but I wanted to try and work things out if possible. He left for a few days, then came back home for a week, then left and moved to a family member's house several hours away. After a few months of being alone, he finally decided he wanted to work things out, and he's been home for a few months now. Our relationship is improving, and his affair was more of an emotional one rather than a physical one. With everything we have gone thru over the past several years, we just lost each other. I knew it, and had hopes that we would find each other again and things would get beter, and he of course just gave up and moved on. I'm happy he's home and our relationship is better than it has been in years, but I am having such a hard time trusting him. I hate living with the secret fear that it is going to happen again. I also have alot of unanswered questions regarding the affair. He refuses to really talk too much about it, and won't go to counseling, so I guess I'm just wondering how you let that stuff go, and how long it took to let it go. I just feel like I'll never get over it until I have more answers, know what I mean?
I was not able to let it go, thus the marriage was not worth wasting more years of my life being unhappy and untrusting.
I'm of the frame of mind that if there is no trust, there is no relationship; if you can work through it, then keep trying until you decide that you can't continue.
If he will not go to counselling, then perhaps you will benefit from it yourself if it will help you work through your feelings. Have you tried telling him that you are having a tough time with the trust portion of things and see if he will consider even just a couple of counselling sessions?
Basically I had to hound mine for years to feel like I had all the answers and honestly I am still not over the lies and emotional infidelity. This is a hard one but I would say that if he wants to really move forward then he needs you to get all the answers you have or it will become a mental battle for you like it was for me most likely. I havent been the same since and dont even recognize myself anymore. I truely hope you get the answers you need and deserve because from experience I know that not knowing is no way to live.