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Well, so here I am... 2 years after leaving my abusive X. I am about to begin what COULD be an ugly custody battle, though it may not be. He has not seen his son nor tried to for 18 months. He is across state lines. I sat outside his mothers HOUSE and he refused to come outside to see his son over the holidays. So, he may not even put up a fight. But, I sent him this email on tracking to see if he reads it at the least, hopefully he will actually respond.
I'm going to make this as clear as i possibly can to you, yet again. I NEVER refused you to see Chase UNTIL you began to harass me after we separated. That is why I got the restraining order and you very well know that. Well the order is up and I have been trying to get you to visit with Chase. I gave you ample opportunity to be with him when I was in town over the holidays, with only one reasonable request. That you sit down and talk to me, like a mature adult would, and discuss the matters of Chase. You refused to do this, and when I tried to mention child support you again said I kidnapped Chase. I had full legal right to take him to Arizona, I checked very carefully with the ABQ courts system. You know that slandering and telling people I kidnapped my one son is wrong and silly. Let me make it very clear, you had you chances to see him, I even sat outside your mothers home and called and texted you to have you and your family come outside. I even talked with your mother for quite some time later that day, and gave you all the opportunity to spend all morning on Monday with him and celebrate his second birthday and Christmas with him. You and your family actively refused to see him even though you told me so much how you wanted to see him. So what I need to know, is HONESTLY, do you want to be a part of his life, FINANCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY, and PHYSICALLY. I told your mother we would help you find a place to stay out here every or any time you wanted to come visit him, and that every time we come to town you can see him then too. You told me every day how much you wanted a baby with me, but when I got pregnant you went and told all of your friends you never wanted a child. They all told me this themselves. So what I want to know is, do you really want to have all this responsibility and to be a grown man and mature about this. You cant hide from me or your parental responsibilities. HOWEVER, if you do not feel ready for this in your life yet, or just don't want it at all please, tell me. I wont be sad or hurt. I just want to know the truth. All our relationship you hid so much from me and now that we have been done for a long time, I deserve to know the truth about at least this. Please email me back when you can, and let me know what you want. Then, with your decision, I will help you come here to Phoenix and we can approach the court on an agreement that YOU and I have come to TOGETHER. There are no ill feeling towards you from myself or Dave, we just wanted to sit down and talk together as adults and try to find some sort of agreement or common ground. We all have Chase's best interests at heart. If you decide you want the full responsibilities, I will always be here to share with you his every day details whether or not you see him. If you do not want the responsibilities, upon your request, I would still be more than happy to give you updates and details along the way of his childhood. Please, I urge you to email me when you can, so you and I can properly discuss this matter. Your mother does not understand that these matters can be done without legal aides or coaching if, and only if, we are able to discuss this maturely and come to agreements on decisions. I look forward to hearing back from you.
I did my best to keep calm and composed in my writing. What I want to know is, do you think I did an OK job with this message? In all honesty I DONT want him in my sons life AT ALL. but i need to be the bigger person here since i know he never will be.
any tips on handling courts on full sole custody without visitation would be great....
Make sure that you have copies of things such as that letter to show that you have made reasonable efforts in the best interest of the child.
Also sit down & write out a journal for documentation in regards to other attempts at contact, when, where, how & the outcome from that.
Make sure you have copies of the restraining order and/or any police reports.
What you have at present is called De Facto custody, and you also have a very important item called Status Quo; this can work in your favour.
That being said, unless you have proof that him having visitation with the child could cause harm, or it would not be in the child's interest, you're not likely to get that kind of order.
I would suggest that you ask for sole physical and legal custody and offer up some sort of visitation plan that he can either accept or refuse; but in the end, you want to appear as reasonable as possible to the courts.