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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
January 4th, 2011, 06:26 AM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Hello. Where do I even begin? I'm 22, have a 2 year old and I am a month into a divorce.

He and I were together on and off for 7 1/2 years. So many things have happened in that amount of time. I made mistakes 3 years ago, we got married a year and a half ago and 11 months into the marriage I found out that he was having an emotional affair with someone at work which was devastating. We've hade a lot of problems with our relationship in the last 7 years from communication issues, financial issues to infidelity.. You name it. I finally left 2 months ago because I could not handle the fact that he was gone all of the time, the gambling addiction he has, feeling alone in a marriage. I think everything that has happened finally just hit me at once.

I felt so great when I left, like I was finally "free" and doing the best thing. Then I think everything actually started to sink in and hit me. I just left my husband; the person I've loved for 7 years.

For the past month or so he's been telling me how he misses me, still loves me, etc. I feel the same way in some ways but in other ways I feel like running for the hills as fast as I can. The problem with us is every time we would "break up" (when we were younger) we'd always somehow find our way back together and it feels like the same trend is starting to happen now. He asked me last night if I'd like to go on a date with him.

I know this is just a pretty vague description of what is even going on. I guess I don't even know what to say. I just feel so heartbroken. I gave this person everything for 1/3 of my 22 years of life only to have it thrown in my face. Does it get easier? Does it start to feel better?

I feel like every time I pull away and try to move on we start talking again and I fall right back in. What is sad is I know I am doing this yet I do it. When he acts like he doesn't care I get upset and wish he'd show me he does but when he does care I hate that it matters to me. I just feel like its so hopeless right now and I hate letting myself feel that way.

Thank you for listening.
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  #2  
January 4th, 2011, 03:31 PM
SweetCris's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: italy
Posts: 4,249
hello and welcome
i am new to here too so am sorry i dont have many advices but just hugs
i am 27 with a 2 years old kid and i'm separated since 40 days, after 9 years of relationship. i feel you when you say you were happy about your decision and then it hit you: ****, i'm heaving my husband. but probably the difference is that i am not in love anymore. if you are, i truly hope you two can get back together. even if love doesn't make it all as you noticed.
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  #3  
January 7th, 2011, 07:35 AM
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I hope things work out for you, however which way you decide to do.
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  #4  
January 22nd, 2011, 07:25 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
It's called a rut; it's what's familiar to you & a cycle that only you can break for yourself.

I would highly recommend therapy to try & talk the situation out and see if you can discover why you continue to accept this as a way of life rather than breaking the cycle.

Best of luck to you.
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  #5  
January 26th, 2011, 03:41 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 43
I also know how you feel to. I'm a lurker on this board, but I am seperated from my husband. Not divorced yet due to financial issues. I'm not in love with him anymore, I want the divorce, he doesn't. The issue is, we get along better now that we are apart. I don't have the responsibility of him and what I resented about him anymore, so the anger is fading. So the last time I left, after about 7 months or so, I fell for his tricks and went back to him. Now I know better and not going back to him, but it sure is easy to fall for his nice-ness. So ya, he has asked me out on a date and it would be easy just to grab dinner and have adult time to talk about our daughter and the things we are dealing with together (the financial stuff). And he would love nothing more than to get back together and doesn't understand why not since we get along better now. But I know it's not for the best. I know why I'm getting divorced and why I need a new life on my own. I do care for him alot and would never leave him stranded and still support him during a difficult time he is going through. But it can be rut when I'm feeling loney (I'm not seeing anyone and ya he is comfortable) and sometimes I like the company. But I know we can not be together.

So just remember that it's easy to drop the anger when you aren't responsible for their issues anymore. But it doesn't mean it's time to go back to them. Just means you might be letting go of the resentment. And that is a good thing. Be friends, but that's all it's meant to be. You need to be friends for your child. And it should feel good knowing you can now not hold that grudge maybe now that you have let go of the bad parts of what he has done.

Good luck to you!! I personally love my life right now. Love being on my own and making my own decisions.
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