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MY husband and I of 9 years have been separated for 3 weeks now. We got into a big arguement over him making plans for us to go out with friends without consulting with me and it ended into him giving me an ultimatium and saying he wanted a divorce and he left. He is living with his brother, we have a 15 month old son and we see him almost everyday for a couple of hours. He claims he loves me but is not in love with me anymore ..how is this possible? He says he doesn't like the person he becomes when he is around me that he gets in a bad mood when he is with me but we have our moments. He claims there is no one else. But he is not happy refuses to go to counseling and says he wants out. I dont know what else to do. I am trying to save our marriage and it seems he is just going through the motions. I have asked him for us to go on dates and he says he is not there yet, that he may never be there and I have to accept that. What do I do?
I was just lurking here as I'm trying to deal with some personal issues with my own marriage, but your situation reminds me of the book Fireproof. I don't know your religion, and I don't want to push anything on anyone, but it is a christian fiction novel about a couple going through something almost exactly like you two are. Maybe it would be worth a read? Hope this helps, and I'm sorry you're going through this. :/
My husband just pulled this one over me too and im 8 months pregnant with baby number two. I dont know what your financial situation is right now but im pretty sure that it's the $$$ that comes down to it for him. He's been living with his parents for 4 weeks now and filed divorce papers (or so he says) because he is unhappy that i can't continue to afford and go to work/school/ + 2 kids in daycare (just can't afford it anymore- so I had no choice to be a SAHM for now till he finishes the remainder of his degree (2-3 year left in a aero program) and we can have him working professionally.
A few things crossed my mind when this explosion occured
A) Is he doing pron?
B) Dissapointed in sex life right now because of the "tummy"
C) Me- hormal and crazy doesn't help
E) losing good coping skills with errands/ family/ work/ school etc in his life so he is "projecting unto me his OWN insecurities to keep up with life as is....PLUS top it off with a newborn" BAM! right?
F) The biggest conclusion my family and I came up with is he needs to GROW UP! There is something about adding kid number 2 and 5+ year of marriage that DOES it to ppl from what I hear. If you can make it to 7 years and establish a good communication pattern regardless of your curcimstatnces I hear you can pull off anything. (Even despite relgious backgrounds....assertive communication comes first! Plane and simple folks).
So im PRAYING because that's all I can do right now and truly believe he needs to grow up (were both almost 27) very much so perfectionists in our own way and hyper sensitive people.
As they say - 2 sensitive people "feed" off of each other...but it's called "co-dependency"....
Were both in counseling right now according to our faith- Latter-day-Saint.....
We shall see what happens. At this point he has basically said he will come to the hospital as a "friend"....
In a way divorce might be the correct answer at this point because he certainly has crossed the line with verbal and physical abuse in our marriage. Now that my son's almost 4 it's become an unhealthy situation all together. My son and I BOTH saw a clinical psychologist together he said that my husband was a VERY HIGHLY MANIPULATIVE MAN....once that kinda sunk into my brain I realized how many lies upon lies he has said to me. I asked my husband "why are you lying to me?" And he said to keep me protected. Protected from what? I can handle myself! Obsessive, controlling??? yeah?
Anyhow I suggest that you pray to God to soften his heart to come home and communicate nicely with one anther. Remember we can not change the other person only ourselves. But you need to do what is best for your children regardless ok? (For instance my husband his VERY critical of my son and I...but that stems from his own insecurities...a truly secure person does not have the need to put someone down..I can promise you this!)
Men are prideful...esp religious men and esp men that do not watch sports...lol So just pray that he might have a change of heart and speak to him super nicely...compliment him, bring him up. Sometimes even thought you might know in your marriage that some things were "his fault" you kinda just have to let it go right? and move forward....but remember the kids do come first!
I hope you have family support and girlfriends to talk to....children under 5 are a lot of work and men dont understand women while pregnant and newborns...hang in there!