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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
June 20th, 2011, 06:37 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1
I will begin with....I have been married to the same man for 20 years now,3 children and a grandbaby. Alittle over a year ago,I found out that my husband placed an ad on Craigs list for a FWB to keep him busy while his wife was at work. About 3 months after the ad was placed,I found out he had been sleeping with someone else. She was married also and her husband joined then on occassion. Well, 2 weeks after I found this out he came to me and told me she was pregnant. All thru the nine months him and I did try to work things out and get on with our lives together. Only to find other things out that he didnt come clean with when he could have. He had the opportunity to do so and didnt. So in August I find out that he had sexual whatevers with a man. So at that time I decided I needed to leave. Mind you,I was with him 20 years.He provided for my family and I. I worked part time. I relied on him for everything because it just happened that way. I as not a social person and hid behind him most of that time. I didnt drive in the winter,he drove me everywhere. We did most things together,hardly apart and just seems like such a shock to me. So fast forward to the baby being born....She claims it wasnt my husbands up until the day I moved out. I saw the hospital photo and knew that it was my husbands. So, I stepped up the process of leaving. Ended up having a mild heart attack soon after their baby was born. Then finally I left. In the process I met someone and we now live together. I have known this person for 18 years so him and I arent strangers!! And I have fallen a little in love. It being so difficult to trust another person,I just dont know where to go,what to do....

After all that my husband has done....Sex with different men,women and having another child taking photos of him in my lingere....I still just cant seem to just leave it alone. I hurt soooo much and I dont know what to do. I moved 2 hours away but its still not far enough.He has my children. I just need some one to talk to. There is so much hurt,pain.....After I left he decided to be with her. So 8 months later,she is still with her husband and with mine. And I just cant be nice to her.he seems to just have her there when he brings the kids.....Ahhhh, its just very painful. I was told today that I need to find an outlook to get these things off my chest,a place to talk about it.... So here I am....
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  #2  
July 11th, 2011, 12:16 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
Hello =)

I'm so very sorry for what all you've gone through. Just remind yourself you ARE a strong woman! You left, and that's a huge, huge deal. Of course you're still going to think about him, y'all were together for 20 years and have shared a life together. With that being said, I can't believe you haven't gone after full custody of your children. That behavior could be enough for a judge to take away his custody or give him supervised visits because someone who can put an ad out for strangers to do those types of activities could be a danger to your children, not your husband but who knows what those people are capable of and that's not a good environment for children. And you have to remind yourself that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't mind that (this woman who had "his" child) is married, and he's ok with that. Be nice to her?! What?!! Never!! She knew he was married and didn't care because if she did she wouldn't have done it or would have at least had the decently to use protection. There's no excuse for that but I would put it out of the question if she did it on purpose just to cause more drama.

It will take a long time but you have to do what is right for you in your heart. Even though it's hard to trust again you have to make sure you're ready to be with someone. Because it isn't fair for them to have to prove themselves because of what your ex did. The same thing may happen, it may not but you have to do what you think is right and what feels good. If you're happy then just take it day by day because you don't need another heart attack.

I'm sorry for what all you're going through but remember we're here for ya and you can PM me anytime!
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