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Wow....I don't think I'll get support


Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
June 28th, 2011, 10:48 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
I haven't been on this portion of the boards for probably a good 8 months. I thought I'd come here to post but I see there is no host and very, very few posts and only one listed with just 2 responses so it looks like I won't get the support I had hoped for.

My husband left me a year & a half ago (no kids, were TTC our first) for another woman who had 2 children. Of course they are now pregnant and I am having a hard time. The pregnancy wasn't a huge shocker but the problem I'm really, really struggling with is this deep feeling, or should I say fear, that I will be alone forever.

I know some say that is ridiculous and the girls that were here before were very supportive. I have always dreamed of a husband, kids, nice home, the clique "American Dream" (Or that's what my ex called it when he mocked me) and now I feel like it will never happen. People told me to relax for so long after our split so I did for a while. Joined a few dating sites and went on a few dates but basically nothing. No emails or anything like that, I'm not overly attractive so men aren't clamering to be with me and what I want is pretty up there on the list. I want a man who is proud of me and wants me in his life. I want that 'makes you feel giddy' love. I want the love that will take our breath away, I want to be someone he wants to show off to his friends and put pictures of me on facebook.

My mom & friends say it will happen one day but I don't really have friends to hang out with. I don't know how to get them, I'm 25 and was with my husband since I had been 14 years old & he didn't want anything to do with my school or friends so the whole high school experience I skipped--didn't go to my homecomings or proms or parties with friends--because he didn't want to get involved. I should have been stronger and done things anyway but at the time it didn't feel like too much fun without him. I am just so scared I will be alone. I don't know how I'm going to meet anyone and I don't really want to have to look, I want him to bump into me at the store or at a gas station and we just hit it off. I know it sounds stupid, but that's how I feel.
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  #2  
June 29th, 2011, 02:18 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,989
(((hugs)))

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. But I do have to say, you are young. You have plenty of time. I didn't get married the 1st time until I was 30. the 2nd time, I was 40.

Anyway, my suggestion to you is to find activities you are interested in & join some groups associated with those activities. Make friends, enoy yourself & who knows who you might meet.
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  #3  
June 29th, 2011, 04:34 PM
Nicole1110's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 11,832
It sounds like you may not be entirely over the loss of your ex-husband. Like, maybe there is still some resentment and anger and sadness related to him leaving you and moving on. I think before you find someone new to have a relationship with, maybe you should finish dealing with those feelings. You don't want to take those feelings and insecurities with you to a new relationship.

I understand that fear of being alone. It's gotta be especially hard since it sounds like your ex is the only man you ever had a relationship with. But as a girl who isn't overly pretty and has had plenty of relationships, I can tell you that you won't be alone forever. I didn't get married until I was in my late 20's and didn't have a child until I was 31. There is plenty of time left for you. Just work on YOU for a while. Get your self esteem up, get feeling good about yourself, make peace with your last marriage and then start looking. That's my advice.
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  #4  
July 7th, 2011, 07:10 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 555
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I was married for 8 years to my ex...got divorced last year. In my mind, I thought I would never find love. However, I ended up meeting my husband less than a month after my ex left. My DH is absolutely the kind of guy I always dreamed of meeting. I'm not the most attractive person, but some guys don't care about that. My DH loves me for who I am. So don't lose faith. There are decent guys out there. It will probably happen when you least expect it.
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  #5  
July 10th, 2011, 07:11 AM
SweetCris's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: italy
Posts: 4,249
hello
first of all i am sorru for what you are going through and i can feel you
i have been with my ex husband for 9 years and we split 7 months ago. in the moment we split i fell in love with a guy who wanted me but not for a serious thing and it endedu p in tragedy breaking my heart so now that my ex husband is in love with another woman and making a new life i feel like WHY, i was the one deserving it, i was the one suffering for 2 yeats while he didnt care and now he is happy and i am not

i think it's too soon to think you're going to meet your prince charming by now. sometimes it happens quickly and sometimes it takes years, i think you need your ALONE time and you need to be OK with yourself before you can be ok with a man, you have to love youself and love your alone-time, you have to find yourself completely alone and still like that time enjoy your own presence, you will find the right man when you will LIKE to have him by your side, not when you will NEED man by your side: you dont need a man, all you need is yourself.

Enjoy this time alone to realize your dreams, your career, make new friends, it's easier then you think, just contact a old friend, go out for a drink alone, change job, i have met so many people in 7 months i couldn't imagine and new people bring to new people and so on. You want a family and a baby, but you are very young and you have to use this time without a baby to focus on yourself. i have a little baby and it's hard to keep being myself and making my dreams come true, but it's easier now that i am alone because there is no-one bringing me down telling me i just have to be a mom. Build your 'perfect' life so when you meet the right man you're ready for your dream life with family and kids!!!

best of luck darling
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  #6  
July 10th, 2011, 11:49 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
Thank you all for your support. It feels nice to hear that I'm young (even though I don't feel young anymore, will be 26 in March) and that I have time. I'm trying to get my life together in a lot of ways, looking at what I want to do for a career, going back and finishing school, getting in shape, all that kind of stuff.

I like what Nicole said, that I need to make peace with it. I just had ankle surgery so I haven't been able to walk since May & won't be able to walk until some time in August but I think I'm ready to go to counciling because I need to make peace with it and I need to let go.

It is just so hard when I see pics of them getting ready for their baby, getting the baby furniture from his mom that he had as a baby that he said we were going to use for our baby & keep it in the family. To see him doing home improvements for her that he would NEVER do for me. I think another thing I'm struggling with is the fact I was so easily forgotten by him and his family. I knew them all for over 10 years. 10 years of holidays, birthdays, get-togethers and emergencies. I nursed him back to health when he was sick or when he was hurt. And I haven't heard not one word, not one call, not one email since the morning I left.

It hurts to know that I'm so forgettable and so easy to un-love. I still think about them often, what they're up to, what they're doing and it isn't because I'm just the pshyco stalker, it's because I really cared about them. It hurts to feel like someone else is living my life. That's the life I always wanted, the husband, kids, family, decorating the nursery. I worry that I won't ever have that-but on the other hand-I think if I ever do, my God will I treasure every, single second!

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I'm just not in a good place right now.
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  #7  
July 11th, 2011, 12:40 AM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: SW FL
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**hugs**
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