Is There Room For Me

mom2aidan · #1 September 22nd, 2011, 03:23 PM

I am sadly joining this board. It sucks. It really does.
Got told last week that DH was no longer in love with me and hasn't been for a while now. How long exactly? He doesn't know and neither do I? Why didn't he just end the marriage then? I don't know. Why did he string me along? I really can't answer that.
I have been depressed, emotional, angry (at everything and everyone) and I haven't been eating or sleeping well.
I have always been a stay at home mom so I have no money saved up and I just lost my job and all I have is about $150 in my wallet...NOTHING else. I can't afford a lawyer so we have drawn up an agreement on our own. It isn't really fair but it isn't about me...it is about our son. I will let DH have our son because honestly, I can't support myself on $150 let alone myself and my child. When I get on my feet (say 6 mths to a year from now), I will pay DH 10% of my pay IE: $1000/mth paychecks=$100/mth child support, etc. Later on, if I have enough to support both of us, we will discuss arrangements so I can get him and DH pays child support.
I am also thinking of moving about 4-5 hours away. I don't want to because that means I don't see my son as much but I already have a friend that has me 2 jobs lined up and one is a nanny for $100/week and the other is an administrative assistant. It will get me back on my feet and they are letting me stay at their place rent free. All I have to do is pay for some groceries here and there.

I really don't know what to feel. I am so numb to all this. I know we have had a very bad....rocky marriage and almost divorced many times before didn't realize it was gonna hurt this bad. My mother went through a bad divorce with an abusive alcoholic with 3 kids and all she can tell me is "so sad for you!

" Really? Yes, she can't give me any advice or lend a shoulder to cry on. Whatever. And I appreciate all my friends being there for me but Im actually getting quite angry with them telling me everything will work itself out and be okay....THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN DIVORCED. They are quite happily married.

I really need a hug!

mommy2lilman · #2 September 22nd, 2011, 06:03 PM

Sorry you are going through that. There are programs out there if you want to keep your son- food stamps, temporary emergency shelter/apartment for you and your son, tanf, and the state assistance office will help you find a job.

When I left Frederick's father I had nothing in my wallet. My mother actually wired me money and when we arrived we had no money, our car, etc. Things worked out and I went 2 years almost with no c/s and on state aid but we did it.

You can do it if you want to keep your son. I also wouldn't move 4-5 hrs away unless you absolutely have to. If you have been a sahm and you're divorcing, your husband will have to pay you spousal support while you get on your feet and c/s if you take your son.

I almost went through a divorce in texas and everything was drawn up and just waiting to go to court.

mom2aidan · #3 September 23rd, 2011, 06:12 AM

Well there is apparently a new law stating that here in Texas you can't get alimony....now called spousal support unless you have been married 10 or more years. The apartments/shelter I could get into..at least around here....are not ones I would want my child living in. Plus he is doing very well in school and I hate to mess that up.

prissanna · #4 September 27th, 2011, 07:40 AM

Your husband will have to provide C/S. Do you really want your son? If so, fight for him! Why do you assume that your husband should/will get custody? Have you thought about going to a local church and seeing if they can offer monetary help? It worries me because you are just handing your son over to your spouse. You have rights as his mother!

mom2aidan · #5 October 7th, 2011, 10:58 AM

Prissanna...with all do respect, I am not technically just handing my son over to my husband. I was brought up in a really poor household with 2 other siblings until my mother remarried when I was around 5-ish. I do not want that for my son. I don't want him living on medicaid, welfare, food stamps, etc. He has a wonderful school here that he very much loves and doing so well in, he has a home and a bed he can sleep in every night, he has food on the table every night/every week and never worries about if we will run out. If he were to come with me, he would be sleeping in the same bed as me with a friend of mine and I would have to change schools in a different county along with get food stamps, etc. I do not want that for him.

*M* and *N's* Mommy · #6 October 12th, 2011, 04:25 PM

Teresa, I understand, my husband has our two children! Because he is the bread winner in the family. I barely make enough to give him the child support and support myself. The court told me I have to give him $200 a month. And I only make 500. I understand not wanting to give him your son, but knowing its the best thing to do for him! I am here if you want to talk. I have been separated from my husband for 2 years now, and it seems just as soon as I start standing up, I get knocked down again...

mom2aidan · #7 October 13th, 2011, 03:29 PM

Thank you! Means a lot. I feel, even though we haven't filed yet (papers filled out but we dont have money to file) and im still living here, i am getting knocked to my knees every day....if not every week.
Today has reached a point that I am actually ready to leave and never come back. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Even my DH has no job, can't afford to pay bills/house let alone his shop rent and so technically if the house gets taken from us, he will be in same situation i am if i was to leave. so who really deserves to get our son?!?!

*M* and *N's* Mommy · #8 October 13th, 2011, 05:34 PM

What about yalls parents? Or brothers or sisters? Just temporarily? My kids had to live with my sister in law for about 4months... granted I wasnt aware of it til after the fact...

mom2aidan · #9 October 14th, 2011, 10:12 AM

his parents will always help but they live in TN and we are in TX. My parents are already raising 2 grandkids ages 10 and 2 so they wont help. My brother just recently moved back to TX from FL and he has no job and no place to stay. My younger sister is the reason my mom is taking care of her kid and my older sister lives in FL and is on welfare, food stamps, etc.

*M* and *N's* Mommy · #10 October 14th, 2011, 12:39 PM

Wow. I'm sorry. I wish I could help you out. It seems like you are in a hard spot! I wish you the best. If you ever want to vent, I'm here. PM if you want, or IM me on yim. Im out of work for another week because of surgery. So, I have a lot of time lol.

mom2aidan · #11 October 17th, 2011, 06:26 PM

Well I was supposed to move in with a church member today but I got a text from them a few days ago saying they are going through some personal struggles and don't feel it is best for me to move in at this moment. Really...?!?!? Personal struggles?!?! Listen, I am not sure what they are but man, I am going through A LOT of personal struggles at the moment as well and I NEED OUT.