[mom2aidan]

Okay so my divorce should be final (or one can hope) in the next week or so. The issue is though that I contacted legal aid and they were no help. Pretty much told me I f*ked my self but leaving my son with my husband. As his mother, that was what was in the best interest for him to have a roof over his head, food on the table and a bed to sleep in. I could not and still cannot provide any of that for him. BUT...since I qualify for affordable housing (state helps pay rent), I am going tomorrow to look at apartments and I am on route to getting a better job that is more than 2 days a week and 12 hours a week. Also legal aid told me that there is no need in fighting over the house because making DH sell it so I can get some profit makes me look bad and there is not much equity in the house to fight over. Anyways, so I talked to an ACTUAL real lawyer and she pretty much said if DH and I had made a custody agreement already then that is what we will need to put in the decree and make sure it is specific and that makes DH stick to that agreement or I can file an enforcement on him where the judge makes him do as the decree states. So that made me feel better. This REAL lawyer told me that even if there is only $2000-$4000 in equity in the house, that I still deserve at least 50% of that. That is more than I had before. But if I do not want the house, then I can let the judge know and then DH will be awarded the house and then the judge will give him the OPTIONS to either sell the house and give me half the profit or find other means to pay me the equity.
So after all that, I found out today that he is truly having an affair. I have found photos and written proof of him having an affair yet he tries so hard to deny it. EVEN AFTER I SHOWED HIM THE PROOF. He states that 2 people of opposite sex can be friends without making it out like they are dating. Ummm...when they both put online and in other materials "i miss you" and when someone says "is that your boyfriend" and you reply "ya you can say that" as well as say "you are better than anyone Ive ever dated".....I think that means you are DATING the person. So anyways, a lawyer I spoke with today says that Im fighting a losing battle because this lawyer doesn't understand why I am wanting to show the judge proof of him having an affair. Ummm...because we filed No contest/no fault and now I have proof there is "fault" for the reason we divorced and the judge is liable to give me more than 50% of everything as well as give me full custody of my son.


So the question is....do I have 5 eyes or why is it that I bring up EVERYTHING he is doing illegally or wrong and yet I get blasted for it?!?!!

[My2miracles]

Sorry proof of the affair won't help you at least in the states that I'm aware of. It only proves he's a bad husband not a bad dad. As wrong as it is, you have no legal recourse. The judge won't care that's why the lawyer wouldn't introduce it in court. It sucks but it's true.

[MzzMommaD]

Actually there ARE some states where laws on adultry and/or infidelity ARE illegal HOWEVER, finding a judge or prosecutor who will enforce that for you may be hard. I know in AZ its still got laws on it but everyone kinda laughs at them . Good luck though and keep us posted!

[mom2aidan]

I've read and heard that here in tx if you have proof and judge accepts the evidence and sees an affair then he/she will reward other spouse with full custody if child involved as well as more than 50% of property.

[My2miracles]

Originally Posted by MzzMommaD

Actually there ARE some states where laws on adultry and/or infidelity ARE illegal HOWEVER, finding a judge or prosecutor who will enforce that for you may be hard. I know in AZ its still got laws on it but everyone kinda laughs at them . Good luck though and keep us posted!

I know. I said the states I'm familiar with - Illinois & Wisconsin. I have friends divorced in both of those states due to their spouse cheating & it didn't matter.

[Doralovinmomma]

i know in michigan an affair is nothing to the court. when hubby and i were going through our divorcve( we reconciled obviously) the lawyer said it didnt help anything.


one thing im kind of shocked about is that they would give full custody to the other spouse if there was an affair. that automatically means there a bad parent? in our case there was "technically" affair activities going on.his happened before mine but i would never dream of going into court and saying he slept with someone else i should have full custody. we got joint custody as an agreement, he is still a good dad.i dont know. just my opinion since i was shocked to discover that

[short_n_swt]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Especially discovering that he was having an affair, but were you two separated already when the affair began? (Some people see any type of romantic relationship as an affair until the divorce is final, yet some only see an affair is when you are still technically together). But I have to ask, why do you want full custody of your child, why not shared or an equal agreement? Full custody to me means dad won't see the child anymore...He may have done you wrong, but he didn't do his child wrong, and that would be the child suffering in the middle. Maybe I'm reading something wrong?

[pickle0313]

I agree having an affair doesn't make him an unfit parent and if he's still a good father, providing for the child, then he should still have visitation. Custody & visitation are generally two separate issues where custody has to do with decision making, and visitation has to do with which parent has primary physical custody of the child and which parent sees the child every other weekend, or whatever the arrangement may be.

Though he may have been having an affair I think it'll be a hard thing to convince a judge to give you full custody of your child based on that alone.

About the lawyer situation, sounds like you are getting conflicting information. I would go with whatever lawyer who will best represent what you want.