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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
October 23rd, 2012, 12:02 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
I have been married for 6 years. We dated for almost 10 years prior to marriage. We have two children together and one on the way. He was my best friend. I hold on to that when I look in his eyes and don't know who he is anymore. I should be angry but I am hurt. I try not to cry when my children are around. I feel like a failure as a wife and mother. I have tried to make my house a home but am at a loss. I am trying so hard to protect my children but I see them changing ever so slightly. My oldest understands what is going on and that is the hardest part for me. It really hurts me. I want to protect his innocence.... allowing him to stay a child just a little while longer. I still love my husband... even though he is not the same person right now... I pray that person is still there. I am preparing to move on but at my pace not everyone elses. I take one day at a time because that is all that I can do. In my heart, I pray that we can make it, that if we were to reconcile that I can truly forgive him for hurting me. I should not be alone and pregnant but I could not stay under the conditions that we were in. I hope that my baby is healthy and happy because this has been a rough ride for us. When my family talks about him, I get upset... as silly as it sounds. When I married him ... we became one. I knew the day I married him that I would fight for my marriage and though I will not compete with another woman or stalk him or jump on his back or curse him out. I pray for my family every night, I try to make small talk when I can, I let him know that the door is still open... even if it is just a crack as long as it is not closed then there is still hope. I will listen to my husband when he is ready to talk and hope that I can put my family back together. I feel he has not been honest with me and I am hoping that he has the courage to eventually tell me the truth and give me the benefit of the doubt of what my response will be. I just needed to vent someplace hopefully without judgement. Thanks for reading.........
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  #2  
October 28th, 2012, 09:14 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 5,977
I hope things get better for you. You sound like a very strong woman & a wonderful mother. Things will get better.
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  #3  
October 29th, 2012, 05:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: long island, ny
Posts: 1,247
i hope things look up for you, i can't imagine what your going through. i agree with the above poster you are strong & brave.
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  #4  
November 7th, 2012, 03:32 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
Thank you for your kind words... I truly appreciate them sincerely.
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  #5  
November 10th, 2012, 11:49 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Dear HFL, after looking at several message boards on this topic, I chose this one because of your post. I have no advice, I'm sorry to say, for I am feeling many of the feelings you are and also just want to express those feelings where someone might understand. When you think you are pretty much happily married, yes I knew there were things we should be talking about and working on, like in ALL marriages, one tends to surround themselves with like minded, happily married people. This is great until your best friend, your spouse, announces he wants a divorce, he's done, he doesn't want to talk about it or work things out!
No one understands the feeling of loosing that best friend who has not been through it and of those who have it seems most are angry, and for good reason.
My situation doesn't warrant anger only sadness and confusion.
We have been married 12 years and dated 4years before that. We grew up in the same neighborhood, in the same church and I believed we held the same values, including our feelings about divorce.
Last Aug. he began complaining about our relationship. I listened to him and immediately began to make changes. About three weeks go by, I'm feeling like we are dealing with the issues, and he says he wants a divorce. He admits that things have been better over the last 3 weeks but says he doesn't trust me to not fall back into old habits. Mind you, I'm the one who has been working on fixing our relationship even though everyone knows that any problem is a two way street.
That's it. He will no longer talk to me on the subject.
Meanwhile he is still living at home with me and our 2 kids. Eventually he starts sleeping in the guest room. But that is all. He even kisses me goodnight and goodbye in the morning when he goes to work. After a couple of weeks this separation and "friendly" kissing leads to other urges. Hoping this means something positive, I happily respond to his advances. A week later, we have enjoyed each others "company" several times, we finally have a conversation about what is going on without him blowing me off and him walking out of the room. It's an emotional conversation were I tell him that I love him and I am willing to do just about anything to work this out. He responds that he "never said he doesn't love me any more." BTW I have no reason to believe that any marital vows have been broken. Then he proceeds to give his reasons, I say excuses, for why things will never work out. Honestly they sounded like pretty lame reasons to me and I had a come back for every one. He was very pensive and I left the conversation at that. 36 hours later however, he tells me he has rented an apartment and is moving out. (His mom is paying for it--that's a whole nother post!)
I go to say something and he says not to fight him, he needs to feel like he has control over something. Whatever that means!
So for the last several days he has slept there but been here in the mornings before work and come here after work until bed time. He says he's here for the kids but he spends most of his time watching tv, playing music or using the computer.
When I ask him how he is he says he's sad and we need to talk, but not now.
I feel sick! I need my best friend more than ever but that is impossible! I feel so alone!

Dear HFL, after looking at several message boards on this topic, I chose this one because of your post. I have no advice, I'm sorry to say, for I am feeling many of the feelings you are and also just want to express those feelings where someone might understand. When you think you are pretty much happily married, yes I knew there were things we should be talking about and working on, like in ALL marriages, one tends to surround themselves with like minded, happily married people. This is great until your best friend, your spouse, announces he wants a divorce, he's done, he doesn't want to talk about it or work things out!
No one understands the feeling of loosing that best friend who has not been through it and of those who have it seems most are angry, and for good reason.
My situation doesn't warrant anger only sadness and confusion.
We have been married 12 years and dated 4years before that. We grew up in the same neighborhood, in the same church and I believed we held the same values, including our feelings about divorce.
Last Aug. he began complaining about our relationship. I listened to him and immediately began to make changes. About three weeks go by, I'm feeling like we are dealing with the issues, and he says he wants a divorce. He admits that things have been better over the last 3 weeks but says he doesn't trust me to not fall back into old habits. Mind you, I'm the one who has been working on fixing our relationship even though everyone knows that any problem is a two way street.
That's it. He will no longer talk to me on the subject.
Meanwhile he is still living at home with me and our 2 kids. Eventually he starts sleeping in the guest room. But that is all. He even kisses me goodnight and goodbye in the morning when he goes to work. After a couple of weeks this separation and "friendly" kissing leads to other urges. Hoping this means something positive, I happily respond to his advances. A week later, we have enjoyed each others "company" several times, we finally have a conversation about what is going on without him blowing me off and him walking out of the room. It's an emotional conversation were I tell him that I love him and I am willing to do just about anything to work this out. He responds that he "never said he doesn't love me any more." BTW I have no reason to believe that any marital vows have been broken. Then he proceeds to give his reasons, I say excuses, for why things will never work out. Honestly they sounded like pretty lame reasons to me and I had a come back for every one. He was very pensive and I left the conversation at that. 36 hours later however, he tells me he has rented an apartment and is moving out. (His mom is paying for it--that's a whole nother post!)
I go to say something and he says not to fight him, he needs to feel like he has control over something. Whatever that means!
So for the last several days he has slept there but been here in the mornings before work and come here after work until bed time. He says he's here for the kids but he spends most of his time watching tv, playing music or using the computer.
When I ask him how he is he says he's sad and we need to talk, but not now.
I feel sick! I need my best friend more than ever but that is impossible! I feel so alone!

Last edited by Momof2XX; November 10th, 2012 at 11:54 AM. Reason: There twice
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