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Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
June 27th, 2013, 08:58 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
I hope you don't mind me being here. I am just looking for some support and advice...or maybe just somewhere to complain and maybe I will get over myself.

I have been married for almost 3 years in August. This is both of our second marriages. Both with kid from our previous relationships. He adopted my children because their biological father couldn't care for them anymore. I kicked him out about a year ago but I guess we worked things out. I hate to say it...but I am just not happy. My husband is a wonderful man, I just don't think I love him like a wife should love a husband. And its hard because my whole family thinks the world of him and if I try talking to them about my feelings they tell me I'm crazy for wanting to get out. When I start to talk to my husband about my feelings, he gets all sappy and emotional and then I feel sorry for him and just tell him that I am just having a bad day and everything is fine. Of course I think about how things would be for financially if I left him...not good. But I can't stay just because he pays the bills. When I was between husbands, I did fine on my own.

Am I a bad person for feeling like I should get to be happy? I feel like it. People think that just because he is a nice person, that our marriage should be great. But it's not that way. Oh man...I am just rambling now. I don't know what to do. My kids would be sad if we left...so I suppose I better just suck it up and make it work...but its hard....
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  #2  
June 27th, 2013, 10:05 PM
caliroo34's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 580
You do deserve to be happy. Everyone does. I think if you've thought about it long and hard and REALLY examined yourself and why you feel this way, then you know what's best for you. Of course, you also have to consider your kids. Will he still be part of their lives if you divorce? They've already lost one father.

My OH and I are both divorcees. Mine was because of a long host of issues, but his was pretty simple. Like you, he wasn't happy. His ex-wife isn't a bad person, he just didn't love her anymore. Of course, there were specific things he was unhappy about but that was the gist of it. Their son had just turned two. I know people in his life went bonkers. How could he leave someone he had been with for so long? Just because he wasn't "happy?" But his son didn't deserve that! But he did what he had to do and I admire him for it. I only wish my ex-husband had the guts to leave when he wanted out. Would have saved us both a lot of heartache.

My point is you have to be very, very sure this is what you want. It can't be about just wanting something different or "new." But if you truly don't love this man the way you should, then it's probably kinder to you both for you to leave.
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  #3  
June 28th, 2013, 06:16 AM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 5,977
You should sit down and make a list of the reasons you are unhappy in your marriage. What specifically are you unhappy about with your husband. After you make your list see if any of those things are fixable.

I do agree with the prev poster you need to be really sure this is what you want and what will make you happy in the long run.

Either way its a very hard decision to make and I wish you the best.
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