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Question for those who have gone through a change in custody


Forum: Divorce and Separation

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  #1  
September 19th, 2006, 03:24 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,232
My Ex husband and I have been divorced for about 2 years. During the initial divorce it was very tense and hostile but in the time since then we had been getting along much better and they boys have adjusted well. We are currently going through a change in custody due to relocation and of course that is stressful for everyone involved. My oldest son (he's almost 7) has been coming home telling me that his Dad has said things like "I don't like your Mom, I don't want to have to talk to her" and today it was "Your Mom is trying to take you from me". I've tried talking to Ex-DH about these things with no reply from him. I know the kids could misunderstand things that are said, but he's flat out refusing to talk to me at all so how can I know what's really going on? In the end the boys will either reside in TX or NH for the school year and I think communication is so important. It's very hard because all summer we did things together, their Father would bring them over to go swimming, etc and now he won't talk to me at all. They boys are confused and hurt by his sudden change in behavior. When I talk with the boys I try very hard to remain neutral and let them know that no matter what happens that their Dad and I will both love them very much. Does anyone have any suggestions? I explanined to my sons that nobody is trying to "take" anybody, but rather that we are trying to figure out where the best place is for them to go to school. He understood that, but hen said "But that's not what Daddy said". Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions on things I should say to the boys? At this point their Father won't talk at all to me and we're looking at this being a 4-6 month process if he won't agree to mediation (that's a whole other story!).

Before our divorce we both attended a Child Impact Seminar that explained how hurtful such statement can be and how they can push the children away from the parent who makes them. I wish I could help him understand that he's not turing the boys against me and my husband, but rather harming his own relationship with them.
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Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)

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  #2  
September 21st, 2006, 10:33 AM
Snakes-n-Snails
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Posts: n/a
Being a child of divorce myself, I know how detrimental those comments can be. I think you are doing a great job with your kids already. I don't have any advice, except keep doing what you're doing. No matter how hard it is, never talk bad about their dad to them. Later in life they will end up hating him for what he said about you, and they won't be able to do the same with you. Good luck!
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  #3  
September 22nd, 2006, 10:59 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,671
read this


These men are crazy, they will lie cheat and steal to get their ways. Don't let this happen to you the courts are getting to where they believe these men even if theirs proof that backs you out. Read this, it's an artical from newweek mag. and i can't tell you right now me and about 1000 + women has lost their children cause of this.

Hugs,

Lisa

pm me if you would like.
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Thank you SARA for my siggy!!!
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  #4  
September 24th, 2006, 12:12 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,232
Thank you for the replies. That was an interesting (and scary) article. I have found that by just focusing on the day to day things and making sure I make the kids my first priority it becomes easier to live with the stress going on. I am very lucky to have tremendous support from family and friends and for that I am thankful every day.
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Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)

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  #5  
September 27th, 2006, 07:14 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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We have been dealing with my SOs ex saying really awful things to the boys about their dad. She has told them that he's not their real dad and encouraged them to call him by his first name and not Daddy. It's so hard not to say bad things about their mom when we hear all the stuff she feeds to them, but it's so important to be the righteous person, ya know?

With my own situation, I never bad-mouthed my ex and my kids have made their own minds up about his character -- or lack thereof, really.
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