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Okay, I know that there are so many of you going through your own divorces and seperations and hearing me be upset about my own parents issues may not be what you want to read right now. That's okay. I think mainly I am just so upset that I have GOT to get this out, even if it is just to cyber space and no one else.
My parents have been married 26 years and have 10 kids of which I am the second. There have been so many years of issues and it truly is both parties that are at fault. They will tell you otherwise, but I can't stand listening to them try and pit us against each other. All of the older kids are not dumb, we know why things have gone sour. A lot of serious issues on my dad's part and years of emotional abuse from my mom and selfishness from both. Let's see, that = failed marriage. My mom packed up the remaining 5 kids left at home and moved two states away. My dad now doesn't really have visitation because they are gone. They have filed for legal seperation because by law they can't get a divorce until they have been legally seperated for 6 months. Then the divorce will go forth. None of the kids wants this, we all hate every second of it. My mom is so self absorbed right now, doesn't care what anyone else is going through and doesn't want to see it anyway. She claims all of these outrageous things like "This will be a good divorce. There will be no fighting and the kids will adjust just fine." RIGHT!! My siblings were not only taken from their father, but moved from the only place they have ever known. How are they going to be fine?? I see some of her reasons for leaving the state, but I am SO MAD about it!!
My sis and I are due 5 weeks from one another and she is on strict bedrest. My mom doesn't call or ask her how she is. She basically keeps no contact with anyone. She talks with my dad a lot, but not with any of her kids still in the state. One of them being my 17 year old sister who had to move in with a neighbor family because my mom practically has disowned her because she refused to leave the state when she did. The biggest issue is that I am pregnant and hormonal anyway and I am just SO ANGRY!! I can't seem to get over this anger. I really think I need professional counceling or something because each day I can't stand it and I just want to let it go, but I don't know how and I am afraid to. If I stop being mad, I will then have to forgive them and be hurt. I am hurt to, but the anger takes over. I have vivid dreams- part of being pregnant- about just YELLING and screaming at my mom and dad over everything! I wake up madder than the day before and walk through the day not knowing how to channel that anger into anything possitive or theraputic. I am an artist and have thought perhaps I need to start painting something to represent how I feel as therapy. I really think it is a good idea and I will try that as soon as I can. I just can't keep botteling all of this up! All of my siblings are dealing with this in different ways. I am keeping everything inside until I can't take it anymore. If I weren't pregnant I would want to take a kick boxing class. Sometimes I feel I just want to break something.
I get sick of talking about it with anyone. If I can NOT think about my family, things are okay, but the moment I talk to one of them or think about them, it all comes back. I don't want to think about my family and have anger tied in with them. Even though I am not angry with my siblings, they bring thoughts of my parents and that makes me mad. My mom has said that we as kids need to stop talking about this all the time. EXCUSE ME?! This is the most important thing to us as kids and it is unrealistic and insensitive to think we won't discuss it. I am angry that both parties have never gone to counseling in 26 years. I am angry that they have let so many things fester beyond repair. I am angry that they continually blame it on the other person and refuse to fix themselves. I am angry at their utter selfishness and that- even though I love all my siblings- that they chose to have 10 kids and then NOT nurture their marriage and break the hearts of so many individuals on top of it. I am just seething so often and I don't know how to stop. If my mom does call, it is awkward and I don't want to talk to her. I don't want her to come and visit and see my baby. I don't want her to hold her and get close to her and then break her heart too like my DD's when she left in the space of two weeks. And now my DD has no idea where she is and why Grandpa stayed.
Anyway, I think that is all I can hash out right now. Thanks for letting me ramble and vent. I hope it helped in the long run and if I offended anyone who is going through a divorce and didn't want to hear this from the point of view of the child in the mix- I am sorry. If anyone has any advice for how to get some help please let me know. Thanks again.
Married 7 years to my wonderful Dh
Hey, vent away any time. We are here to listen. I can honestly say that I know how difficult and frustrating a parent's divorce is, no matter your age. It's especially hard when the parent's cannot be adults themselves. Hang in there, hopefully it will get better sooner than later.