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Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
May 2nd, 2008, 09:27 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
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What grief are you experiencing? Some of us have lost children, some have lost parents; some...siblings. Those of us on the grief boards seem to be the care taker type...so...

What kind of grief have you experienced? Who can you help on these boards?

I lost my Mom to cancer in 2005.
I lost Marshall a month ago.
I have also had two abortion losses (one was a cheaper alternative to a d/c, but still...).
A man I considered to be my second father passed away nearly 15 years ago, as did my grandmother.

If I can help ANYONE...please let me know.
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  #2  
May 2nd, 2008, 06:18 PM
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The biggest loss (not that any one loss is bigger but it affected me the most) was my brother. He had cancer for 3 years before he lost. That was in 2005. I was 17.

When I was young, like 6ish, i lost 2 great-grandma's. So the reason those didn't affect me as much is because i was so young.
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  #3  
May 4th, 2008, 06:31 PM
Melissa02909's Avatar Super Mommy
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I have lost a baby, 3 grandparents, and numerous family members. The most pinful had been my children since they had no chance to live.

I deal with losing Abbey everyday. I think of her nearly everyday. I miss her...

Melissa
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  #4  
May 5th, 2008, 04:28 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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And, you know what? Knowing that you live with that pain everyday gives me hope that people aren't right and I won't forget. I don't want to forget.
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  #5  
May 7th, 2008, 09:07 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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I lost my pap due to cancer, black lung, and emphysema in 2002. Everything Feb 11th, his birthday comes around I can't stop thinking of him. And in Aug when he passed away it hits me. When I am at my grams we are all laughing and playing. I am thinking "what if my pappy was around?" he would be here laughing with us and he would of got to meet all of his new great grandchildren. When we go to family reunions, its because my pap passed on his last name to my family. As I sit here and cry, I don't think I have realized how much I truly do miss him. I want to go to the cemetery so bad the next time I go visit my family. I could just lay there all day talking and remininising(sp)

Back in Elementary school, my bestfriend got hit by a car. And died 3 times. They resesitated her each time. She is alive to this day. But I prayed so much during that time. She was my best friend we were 2 peas in a pod. Anywho, her getting hit by that car changed her for the worst. She didn't act like the same old happy Jessica I knew. She acted different like as if she needed to be noticed all the time and she had an attitude about things. So I do kind of feel that I have lost her. We grew apart from eachother.

thanks for listening
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  #6  
May 14th, 2008, 10:52 AM
Emm17's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My mother died of suicide in 2002.
No signs, no warnings.
I dont ever tell anyone that.
But I am anonymous here.
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  #7  
May 15th, 2008, 09:13 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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sorry to hear about your mom Emm. I bet it's really hard for you.
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  #8  
May 16th, 2008, 01:34 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
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I don't think I've posted here before...

I've lost.....
1972 (??) my Grandad (Dad's Dad) died (Dad was 12)
1998 - my Grandad (Mum's Dad) died of a heart attack
2001 - I lost my first baby at 10w4d
2004 - My precious nephew died @ 4mo, of SIDS
2005 - I lost my second baby at 5w4d
2007 - I lost my third baby at 8w0d (ectopic pregnancy)
2008 - I lost my forth baby at 6w1d

... All of the losses have had an impact on me, some more than others... Because I never met my Dad's Dad, his loss didn't effect me as such, however, as I get older, I find that I do think about him more, and feel sad that I never got to meet such an amazing man.

My Mum's Dad... god I miss him so much - we were really close... It's coming up to his 10 year anniversary

My nephew - that shook me up more than anything in my life It's been 4 years, but I still find that I can cry at the drop of a hat....

My first & third pregnancy losses effected me the most, the third (the ectopic) is effecting me a lot right now, because the EDD for that loss is coming up...
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  #9  
May 19th, 2008, 01:41 PM
Mom 2 Alayna N Hayden's Avatar Texan In Seattle
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I'm sorry for everyone's losses. T&P's go out to everyone.

I lost my dad when I was 12. My mom was 38 wks pregnant at the time so now I can't even look at my lil sister without crying. She said to me last year while I was visiting. "My daddy is in heaven."

I miss him so much. He never got to walk me down the aisle at the my wedding and won't meet his grandchildren until we all meet in heaven.
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  #10  
May 20th, 2008, 05:41 AM
cherryblossom88's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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2003 i lost my grandmother who raised me was like a mom to me. she had a stroke

yesterday i found out my baby didnt make it. i was 10wks and 4 days
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  #11  
May 20th, 2008, 06:33 PM
Melissa02909's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
And, you know what? Knowing that you live with that pain everyday gives me hope that people aren't right and I won't forget. I don't want to forget.[/b]
Never forget. That is what is important.

An Angel Never Dies.<span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS">

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I’ve loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,
Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.

Although I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.

author unknown.</span>
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  #12  
May 23rd, 2008, 11:21 AM
duality's Avatar Miss Mama
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,158
I lost my grandfather, the only real father figure I ever had, to brain cancer in September 2004.
I lost my grandmother by marriage, who was something like a mentor to me, in August 2007. We lost her to Lymphoma.
I've had two miscarriages.
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  #13  
May 23rd, 2008, 04:01 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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August 29, 1986 I lost my brother. He was a premie and developed a lung infection. He was two days old, I was two years old.

Next was my grandfather (Mom's side) don't know a date though...He had a heart attack.

May 30, 1998 my friend died in a car accident. I took this REALLY hard. Her passing kinda brought the pain of loosing my brother back to the surface as well.

July 3, 2002 a classmate died from alcohol poisoning. I cut a vacation (the only one I had ever been on) short to go to his funeral.

May 31, 2006 another friend. Her death was ruled to be of natural causes. However, we (her friends and family) blame her husband.

February 2, 2007 we miscarried at 3 weeks. We named our angel Dominic McDylan.

January 14, 2008 we miscarried at 11 weeks. We named our baby Gwendolyn Elizabeth.
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  #14  
May 24th, 2008, 08:34 AM
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I'm so sorry to everyone who's here.

I've lost numerous relatives throughout my life, but these are the most significant losses...

When I was a freshman in high school, I was friends with this boy...I had a huge crush on him. We used to pal around every afternoon after school. The afternoon before he died, he kissed me. It was so sweet and innocent.

He died the next morning at school in woodshop class. He had a heart problem, and it just stopped beating.

The next year, a kid I sat next to in driver's ed commited suicide. A friend of mine drove me to his funeral. She died in a car accident 2 weeks later.

The most significant though...my baby Brother Tyler James passed away from a massive brain hemmorage at the age of 6 in 2001. He was on life support for a day, before they finally donated his organs and took him off the machines. He was my baby. I practically raised him, we were 13 years apart in age. I miss him everyday.
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  #15  
May 25th, 2008, 01:56 PM
bevyvuska's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Been awhile since i have been on this board, but I do pop in evey now & then.
I have had many losses in my life. Those that have lost children, I can't imagine the grief that goes with that.
My paternal grandfather died in 1973, the year before I was born. Not knowing him effected me to the extent that I have heard conflicting things about him, that I would have liked to have been able to know him for myself.
My sister was still born in 1979 (I was 4), that affected my mom the most. She couldn't talk about it for years. My Dad told me she looked just like me. I have often wondered what life would have been like to have her around. Since I was then an only child until my brother came along in 1984, when I was almost 10.

My maternal great-grandmother died a few months after my brother was born. I still miss her.

My paternal great-grandmother died in 1990. She was cremated & we didn't really have any kind of service. Her death was sudden & unexpected, but not having closure has been hard sometimes.

My father died in 1996 of a heart attack. That has been the worst loss I have dealt with. He was my best friend & I got arried later that same year & to not have him there STILL hurts. Plus not having him here for Colin has been hard. He would have ADORED him & my son has been gypped of having his grandpa. That's really the hardest part for me.

My Paternal grandmother died this last October & that has been very hard. I miss her. I'm still not used to her not being there. I find myself wanting to go by whenever we are in the area, then remembering she is gone. It's tough.
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  #16  
May 26th, 2008, 10:12 AM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
And, you know what? Knowing that you live with that pain everyday gives me hope that people aren't right and I won't forget. I don't want to forget.[/b]

Oh, honey....you'll NEVER forget.
And you'll never "get over it"...like that's even possible!!!
I know that my loss changed me...FOREVER!
I find that I'm more compassionate towards others, but I don't look at death the same way I did before I lost Avery.
(Losing my mother 35 days later didn't make it any easier...but losing Avery made it easier to lose my mom...KWIM?)

Of course, it won't always be so brutally painful...
The first year is the worst!!!

But with lots of faith...and the wonderfully supportive women of JM...we'll get you thru that first year...
And the second...
And the fifteenth if you need it!!!!

I'm here if you need me!
Always with hugs!
Dawna
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  #17  
July 13th, 2008, 07:12 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had a stillbirth in 2003 and both of my grandfathers have passed away
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  #18  
July 21st, 2008, 11:54 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i ve had 2 losses that have had a huge impact on my life my daughter who died in june 05 she was born sleeping , and a mm/c in 06 at 11 weeks, stopped growing at 6 weeks.
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  #19  
July 22nd, 2008, 03:46 PM
CupcakeJamie's Avatar Got Cupcake?
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Location: Maryland
Posts: 10,573
I'm sorry to everyone out there

I lost my grandfather on April 17, 1993 - I was 10 - he lost a very long battle to Leukemia. He was diagnosed when I was 2 months - I had no idea he was even sick and to this day I wish I hadn't of taken it for granted - the only thing he ever expected of me was just to be me

I lost my great aunt November 9, 2000 - she was like a mom to me - 7 years later my daughter was born on the same day

I lost my grandmother in March '05 - she was my mom - better to me than my mom ever will be. She was having issues for a few years before she passed and I sort of got moved from the role of granddaughter to daughter. I stayed with her when she went into the hospital and drove her around everywhere. She passed away a week after I moved to MD. I like to think that she saw her youngest grandchild grow up and get on her feet and that we would all be ok and she figured it was her time to go.

I had an abortion loss Aug. 05

I lost my great aunt December 06 - she was my other mom - my partner in crime

They were my true family - they treated me better than my mom, dad or sister ever could or ever will. I will not forget them and I'm not sure I'll ever stop grieving them.

You won't forget and that's ok - that's what you need to do to deal with it. I still don't know how to deal with it - my grandfather haunts me everyday. They never saw me get married or have a child. My child will never know these wonderful people
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  #20  
July 26th, 2008, 08:32 AM
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Location: Yorktown, Va
Posts: 666
I agree that you never forget. I have had a few losses (grandparents and uncle) that hurt but I felt ok about because they were the natural order of things. It is the loss of my brothers that still hurts so bad, especially my brother Tim. My brother Jacob died in 1985 from SIDS, I was five and my family never recovered. Then last year my brother Tim passed away unexpectedly. When I think about it I still feel like my heart is being torn out. He was only a year older than me. Not only was the death painful but also seeing what it did to my parents. Not only have they lost two of their four children but they also came close to loosing me when I was 9 and they carry that with them too. I just hope that the power that is decides to leave our family alone and let nature take it's course in the natural order.
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