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Rough week


Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
September 4th, 2008, 01:53 AM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm having a really rough time with missing my grandma. Aug 28 DS started the first grade. I wanted so bad to call her and tell her. It was also her brithday. But she's been gone for 3 years. And it hit me. She's really gone, stupid cancer took her, all because a stupid doctor didn't listen when we said something wasn't right.

But today. Today is 3 years from the day she died. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember because the night before I had been really sick and didn't want to risk her catching what I had, especially since I just KNEW it was bronchitus. SO I didn't go see her that night. The next morning I woke up thinking I really should have gone and seen her, I'll go tonight. I went to work. While at work I felt this need to call home, so I took my break, found DH, and we called. Turned out that at the same time I felt I HAD to go call her, she took her last breath. I broke down.

I remember looking DS in the face and telling him his favorite person in the world was gone. I remember the weeks spent getting him ready for that time too.

And it hits me harder this year than years before because yesterday I had to sit my son down and tell him his auntie was going back to the hospital and might not come home from the hospital. I had to tell him that it looks like her body isn't fighting off infection anymore, and the medicine isn't working. And he looked at me with tears streaming down his face and said "Mommy, is she going to die and go to heaven like Grammy did?"

You know, what I miss most is the way she would "tut, tut, tut" and waggle her finger at me when she caught me doing something my parents didn't liek me to do, or when I would play jokes on her or make certain moves in our card games. I miss watching her spoil my son. I even miss her sneaking him things I didn't want him to have (sips of coffee).
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  #2  
September 9th, 2008, 12:31 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss. To be 100% honest I don't know how to word this so please don't take it the wrong way...Its a little bit comforting knowing I'm not the only one dealing with my loss this hard 3 years later. Comfort just isn't the right word but I can't think of a better one to express myself right now. So i'm sorry but I hope you know what I mean.

I bet it broke your heart when he said that about his aunt

But it is so great you have those memories of your grandma, don't ever let those slip away. Share them with your children and with everyone who knew her.
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  #3  
September 9th, 2008, 12:05 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I'm sorry for your loss. To be 100% honest I don't know how to word this so please don't take it the wrong way...Its a little bit comforting knowing I'm not the only one dealing with my loss this hard 3 years later. Comfort just isn't the right word but I can't think of a better one to express myself right now. So i'm sorry but I hope you know what I mean.

I bet it broke your heart when he said that about his aunt

But it is so great you have those memories of your grandma, don't ever let those slip away. Share them with your children and with everyone who knew her.[/b]
I do know what you mean and I totally understand. Everyone tells me "its been 3 years you should be fine" but the reality of it is I'm not. And knowing I'm not alone helps me. She was my grandma, my best friend, my secret keeper, everything.
It did break my heart. And he's been praying so hard for her since. She came home yesterday but theres still that nagging thought of what about next time.
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  #4  
September 12th, 2008, 08:52 AM
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That's great that she came home! But I wouldn't know what to do next time either. I worry everyday about how I'm going to tell Rylie about Ryan. I took her to his grave when she was a baby, and I really think she started to see him after that. It was really comforting acctually.
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