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well, i lost my baby at about 10 weeks gest about two months ago... Baby 'Sammy'... i havent been feeling the same. I think about Sammy once and a while but it seems like i havent been wanting to spend time with my other two babies( Kyler who is three years old and Kody who is 16 months) i get so angry at them for no reason and everything that their daddy do makes me so angry. I know that he is trying to help me but it seems like every thing that he does just piss me off. I know that i need to be seen by a Doctor to rule out depression BUT i cant afford that at the moment. I am currently without health care for myself. The things that i use to like to do are just bugging me when i try to do it. I cant believe that I would yell at my kids for wanting my attention. Has anyone felt this way before>? Driving me nuts. I even sometimes think that i was dying. just a flesh left. I have been stress lately too... i feel like there is no where to turn or no one to talk to even though there are so many friends and family who tries to bring me comfort. I think that its not really depression but more like stress... I have been stress lately... i think that sometimes i am just going crazy... people tell me that i need to go somewhere just by myself and try to relax BUT i dont know how. I dont know what i would do if i was alone... i have been alone before but that is only when i lost my late husband... and come to think of it. When i get these feelings, i feel like everything that i care for are always taken away, like i did something wrong. i dont think that i can take much more of this. i wanna give everything up BUT i know that my husband would go 'skinny" without me, i know my kids will miss me, I grew up without a father firgure, i dont want my kids to grow up without a mommy... i am just driving myself nut... can anyone here help me?
Hang in there and just take one day at a time. Make sure you tell your husband what you are going through...sometimes guys are clueless and they just assume that you are over it by now. It's OK to feel stressed out. It will get easier with each passing day but that doesn't mean you won't have hard days now and then. Try taking a walk by yourself or talking to a good friend. Keep on posting here...these are amazing boards.
Hang in there and just take one day at a time. Make sure you tell your husband what you are going through...sometimes guys are clueless and they just assume that you are over it by now. It's OK to feel stressed out. It will get easier with each passing day but that doesn't mean you won't have hard days now and then. Try taking a walk by yourself or talking to a good friend. Keep on posting here...these are amazing boards.[/b]
I can't tell you if it's depression or not, but it's definitely GRIEF. It does funny things. I'm nearly 8 months out from my loss and I cannot begin to tell you how irritable I get. I don't have any living children, but we have pets - who used to be a great source of joy for me. Now they just irritate me. My husband irritates me. Work irritates me. I feel like SUCH a huge grouch ALL the time. It's very unpleasant. I do have a therapist now who tells me it's completely normal - it's one of the stages of grief. At first I was very very sad. Now I'm just angry - at everything. Normal. Completely normal.
Since you cannot afford to see a doctor or a therapist, how about some books? You can borrow them from a library. I have some to recommend:
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah L. Davis
Empty Arms: Coping After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death by Sherokee Ilse
Unspeakable Losses: Understanding the Experience of Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, and Abortion by Kim Kluger-Bell
I have read all of them, I think I found Empty Cradle, Broken Heart to be the most striking and helpful to me. Do please check them out, I think they could at least reassure you that you're very normal and going through the normal stages of grief.
Also I highly recommend trying to find a local SHARE group (http://www.nationalshareoffice.com). It could help you be around other people who have suffered losses, and allow you to talk about it. And no cost, either.
I'm very sorry for your loss I can't imagine that kind of loss.
Do you think you could call your dr? I didn't have insurance when I realised I had PPD and I just called my dr bc I was so far down I absolutely HAD to do something. They were able to prescribe something over the phone. And You can go to walmart and look at the $4 prescriptions and see if the dr can give you something from there. I saw the list the other day and there is some 'mental health' ones. So that would help in that way.