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Ectopic Pregnancy


Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
November 13th, 2008, 01:35 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ohio
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I realize that this is my first post on the board... so a short intro. My name is Lily. On October 24 my husband and I were delighted to find out that we were FINALLY pregnant after trying to conceive for two years and struggling with irregular ovulation and countless appointments making sure both of us were still fertile. I am 32 and Jeff is 31 this month. Both of us have a child from previous relationships but it's been years since either of us have had children. I have a 9yr. old son and he has a 14 year old daughter... In between those years we both did a lot of growing up and partying and doing unsafe things that our late teens and early twenties brought along that could feasibly jeopardize our ability to have a family later in life. Jeff and I met four years ago and were married in August 06. We decided before our wedding that we wanted to try for a family immediately after we were wed. We both felt that being in our thirties and much more financially responsible and mature that we were in a good place to start a family. Upon finding out we were FINALLY pregnant via 3 positive home pregnancy tests we scheduled our first prenatal appointment. On Oct. 29 we were given an EDD of July 3. So, we celebrated by going out and looking at stuff to start our nursery, and looking into cd's and books to help prepare our menagerie of animals for the impeding arrival.

Monday morning I woke up only to find myself calling my Doctor first thing in the morning. The doctor advised us to go to the ER. Needless to say this is not the answer I wanted to hear and scared me to death. I called my Mom at work and she picked me up to drive me. (Knowing that I probably wasn't going to be in any kind of emotional state to be able to handle it, and my husband was still on his way to work I couldn't reach him til I was at the hospital) Jeff showed up at the ER shortly afterward.

After spending all day in the ER, we didn't really any real answers as to what was going on. They suspected that I wasn't pregnant, or not as far as we initially thought, and the U/s didn't show what was going on really well because of the heavy bleeding in my uterus. They felt that I may have already passed the baby. I had a follow up ultrasound with my doctor Tuesday. Tuesday morning they discovered that my pregnancy is in my right tube and diagnosed me with an ectopic pregnancy. I'm on bed rest for the rest of the week.

They gave me Methotrexate, a drug used in cancer patients, to dissolve the pregnancy to hopefully avoid surgery. The drug may cause some scarring in the tube and I may lose the use of that tube. However, I risk the same with surgery. From what I am able to gather from the explanation of the doctors is that the drug is used to try to dissolve tumors in cancer patients and is very caustic and likely to make me very ill while on it.

We lit a candle for "Christopher" yesterday evening and had ourselves a good cry. Today we've cried some and talked more... we even managed a couple giggles and sweet nothings between phone calls and emails from friends across the nation and my family dropping of some comfort food for me. I know that I am blessed to have so many people that care about us, and that Jeff is the loving husband that he is. I don't know how I could get through this if he wasn't here with me.

About 11 years ago I got pregnant the first time with my exhusband. The pregnancy ended badly and almost killed me (literally) when I had the miscarriage. I had hemorrhaged and almost bled to death from the loss. My exhusband refused to even show his face at the emergency room and had the audacity to fight with me when I got home. He wanted to know where his van was because he had to be at work in the morning. I had left it at the hospital. I was in no condition to drive the 6 blocks home. The doctors had filled me up on a few pain killers and god knows what else. Shortly there after I moved 500 miles away from him and started a new life.

This time while I was in the emergency room I knew Jeff was there, but that fear of him not being there definitely reared its head when he moved his truck from the 30 minute parking zone.. I don't suppose it was too irrational a thought to have considering I have been through it before.. It was probably the greatest gift I got from this was knowing that through thick or thin, no matter what the cost, my husband was with me and loves me unconditionally. He wasn't mad that I called my mom. He wasn't angry that he lost a day at work. I was glad to see that he was as heartbroken as I am about losing this child... It let me know that he felt something.... I suppose being glad he was hurt by this isn't a nice thing to feel, but I don't know any other way to put it... I went from one extreme to another.. From a husband who could give two ######s less if I lived or died losing his child, to one that was brought to his knees in grief by the loss of his child... Is that really cruel and insensitive of me?
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  #2  
November 13th, 2008, 05:52 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
First, I am so sorry for your loss. Especially after struggling to get pregnant in the first place it is such a hard blow.

And second, I think your thoughts about your husband sound perfectly NORMAL and rational and not at all insensitive. By seeing his grief you are reassured that you are not alone. It's why many of us go to support group... it's not because we take pleasure in other peoples' hurt, but rather because it is comforting to know we are not alone. What your ex-husband left you to suffer alone has left a deep mark on you, it was unbearably cruel. Your current husband is such a stark difference, it makes perfect sense for you to be thankful for it.
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  #3  
November 16th, 2008, 07:08 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I'm so sorry for your loss

I experienced an ectopic pregnancy in Sept/Oct 07 - I had numerous ultraounds & they could never see any sign of a baby in there - and kept telling me i was just not as far along as i thought i was - but i KNEW right down to the day how far along i should be. Eventually i was sent up to the hospital for tests - on the friday i had hormone level checked & it had gone down from the last test i'd had, so they thought i might be miscarrying, back on saturday for an u/s.. back on sunday for another blood test & my hormone level had gone UP, so they determined i had a 'pregnancy of unknown origin' & i was sent in for surgery... they found the pregnancy had implanted in my right tube, but as i was so far along (8w), they couldn't remove the pregnancy without damaging the fallopian tube, so removed it...
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  #4  
November 20th, 2008, 07:26 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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I am very sorry for you loss. I am glad that you have a really great and caring husband
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  #5  
November 26th, 2008, 09:52 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Hey sweetie. I saw your post about your losses in the forum. I want to start by saying how truly sorry I am about your losses. Nobody should ever have to go through that kind of pain.

Please feel free to stop by the Recurrent Loss Board. We have a great group of ladies that may better relate to your situation.
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