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My husband and I were actively trying for over 18 months when we found out that we were pregnant, we were so happy. But then within 2 weeks we lost our first baby. We got to see our baby and its little heartbeat on an ultrasound 3 days before we lost it. That was on the 5th October 2008. For the week after that I was a mess. But I thought that I was doing ok at the moment, I know that I am never going to be over it as such but I thought that I was dealing with it.
Last weekend I looked after a friends 13 month old daughter for a few hours, and that was ok, there was only a couple of times that I thought about what could have been.
But then this week (well yesterday) I was doing some errands for work and on my way back there was this man pushing a pram with a small baby in it. The baby started crying and I almost did too. Then when I was on my way home from work I was talking to my mother on the phone and she was asking me advice for a women that she knew who was pregnant and did not want to go to the doctors yet. The way that she was talking I knew that this was not just someone she knew, so I asked her if it was my brothers wife that she was talking about. She asked me if I was mad, how could I be mad its not their fault that that I lost my baby and they are pregnant (they have been trying for a while). What I was mad at was my mother. She her self had a miscarriage (the last baby she tried to have) so she knows how hard it is, but yet she still rang me to ask me about stuff. I was handling it ok until she started saying that my sister in law is 8 weeks along, which means that we almost had twins well they would have been a month apart but close. That is when I lost it and started crying. I almost hang up on my mother, because I couldn't listen to her talking like that. Last night was the first time since I lost my baby that I actually ended up crying my self to sleep.
It just seems like just as I start to deal with it, something happens and it puts me back to square one.
Sorry I know this is long winded but I needed to vent.