We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
Disclaimer: This post is a bit negative, but I felt the need to air my thoughts and possibly seek support.
I hate Mother's Day. 1, because I do not have a mother. My mom died from cancer three years ago and I wasn't able to reconcile with her (about false accusations she held against me that led to temporarily disowning me from the family) until 1 week before her untimely death. 2, because I don't have any kids of my own to be a mother to. I am 26 -- the same age my mom was when she gave birth to me -- and although I want a child so badly, unfortunately I don't see myself having one anytime soon. This is because my partner is a very good guy but moves slow as a snail with relationship stuff(he's 39 and doesn't have any kids either, so as a result some of my friends refer to him as "nonbreeder" and other insulting names behind his back, discouraging me from thinking he'll ever want me to have his baby), and because of the lack of support I seem to get from so-called "friends" and family(see below).
I was pregnant before but always miscarried in the first trimester. When I miscarried, people always told me "it's for the best, you're not ready" even though I felt I was ready, and even though they were simultaneously congratulating other same-age pregnant people that were less responsible than me! (how mortifying) Also, it seems that my family and friends STILL don't want to see me as the mature capable adult I am, still electing to see me the same way as when I was a plucky 19-yr-old college girl even though I've changed a good bit. (yes, I'm the oldest sibling in my family, aka the first little chick to leave the nest)
As a result, I hold a lot of bitter resentment towards Mother's Day and towards all the mean people that bullied me in the past that are able to now have a successful full-term pregnancy AND get support/congrats from others. It seems that ALL the people who've disrespected me have gotten pregnant in 2007 and 2008...it's been a sad and torturous baby boom for me. For instance, I always wonder, "Why is it that Jack, who stole $80 from me last year and sometimes does a line of coke, was blessed with a baby, but not me? And how dare the same people congratulate him, that told straight-edge-law-abiding-me I'm "not ready" for a baby!" Very recently, I discovered that the same cousin who I resent for excluding me and only me from her wedding(all my other siblings were invited, and I've never had any bad blood with this cousin, so I was hurt and confused about being uninvited), is pregnant...I resent her for being so cold to me, yet now getting "rewarded" with a pregnancy...and all my relatives are happy for her, but when I tell my dad that I'd like to start a family in the next 1-2 yrs, he mocks me and says "Kids? How could you even think about KIDS? Yeah right!" Yes, I realize this isn't healthy for me to hold so much resentment...but I'm being honest and upfront here.
Can anyone relate? Also, any ways to cope? Also, what should I do about family and friends not seeing me as ready?
big hugs hunni. i know how u are feeling but u need to think what your mum would of wnted im sure she would love u to move on hard as it is. as with the MC ppl just say what they think is right and its normally u are not ready i agree mothers day just aint the same for me now ive lost my mummy although im now a mummy myself i just want to buy for my mum and say happy mothers day