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Hi. I recently saw a TV show where a character commits suicide and it reminded me of a friend of mine who attempted suicide. Another friend of mine and I told a teacher about it because she did this during a trip and she got medical attention and lived, but I handled it badly beforehand and I feel like I contributed to it. She came to me a day or two before she did it and asked how I would want to die if I were to die tomorrow. I immediately put two and two together and said, "Don't kill yourself." She said some other stuff, and instead of saying something encouraging, I told her, "Cheer up, emo kid." She was on Zoloft, so I thought it was just the anti-depressants making her suicidal and that she would snap out of it. She stopped taking them and she took a bunch of pills to try to kill herself. It was kind of traumatizing and I got PTSD after that. I felt like I contributed to her attempted suicide because I wasn't more understanding. I kind of did lose her, though, even though she isn't dead, because I didn't talk to her after that. I somehow got rid of these feelings, but the TV show I watched dug them up and I don't know what to do about it.
I am so sorry that you went through such a traumatic experience, honey, and that the TV show brought it back. Sometimes something on TV or in a book or a film can bring back experiences we've tried really hard to bury deep.
First of all, I know it's easy to say but you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. There must have been many, many different factors in your friend's decision. She has a mind of her own and she was the one who decided to attempt to take her life. There must be many others who gfeel the same way as you, remembering times when they could have been more supportive or that they should have known what was going on, but unfortunately none of us are mind-readers and you had no way of knowing what she was going to do x x
I hope this isn't too personal a question but have you ever spoken to anyone about what you went through? It might help to work through some of those awful feelings that have resurfaced.
I am so sorry that this has all been dug up for you. I'm thinking of you, honey, and please come back and talk any time you need to x x
I'm so sorry this experience is continuing to affect your life, honey. I'm glad you have a friend to talk to. It sounds as though it would be a good idea for you to speak to a counsellor of some kind, to help you to make some sense of what happened and to move on again. Wjatever you decide, you can always come back here to talk about how you are feeling, any time it gets to you x x