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6 wks post miscarriage:finally sinking in


Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
July 13th, 2009, 07:06 AM
raeleyfan's Avatar Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 34
I had a miscarriage on may 30th. I was suprised at how well I handled it. I cried once, and after that, everything was back to normal (as normal as can be expected after losing a baby). My family and friends walked on eggshells around me for weeks, not understanding why i wasn showing many emotions. At the same time I couldnt really understand why they seemed to think I was going to fall completely apart at any moment.

Well...things have changed for me. Over the past several days, I have become emotionally weak, I cry over anything, and I cannot shake the feeling of emptiness. I do not like feeling this way, and wonder why it took so long to hit me like this?

My sister is currently in another state adopting her first child, and I am sure this has something to do with my recent meltdown, but we have been planning her adoption and talking nonstop everyday about her becoming a new mom, so I cant really see why this would even be a huge factor.

I have a beautiful 3 year old girl named Raeley, and I have been determined not to show how bad I am feeling, so maybe that was part of the delay of the realization of what has happened. My husband seems to be concerned, but I feel that maybe he thinks I am being dramatic and my new awareness stems from my new niece ( or very possibly I could also be also experiencing paranoia!)

Has anyone experienced these types of delays in grief? Any insight would be greatly appreciated
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  #2  
July 15th, 2009, 08:17 AM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 25,063
Welcome to the board, honey, and I am so, so sorry for your loss A miscarriage is a terrible and traumatic thing to go through and there is no time-limit on loss or grief. Sometimes it can take a while for the true impact of something like this to hit. It doesn't always come out right away, and I understand that this can actually make things harder, because at the point you are now you maybe feel like you have overstepped the time by which you should be 'over it'.

Everyone has to grieve in their own way and sometimes straight after a loss of any kind you can be so busy trying to sort things out and trying to process it in your mind that it's only when things calm down that the grief has a chance to come out.

I think you may be right that trying not to show your sadness could have played a part in this. Trying hard to keep our true feelings from people we want to protect can take such a lot of energy and time that eventually we don't have enough energy left to keep the grief at bay any longer.

You have every right to feel the way you do right now and you should never feel that you have to change your emotions or hide them. You might want to speak to your husband about what's going on and explain that it's only now hitting you. I am sure he will do his best to understand, as will your friends and family.

And please remember that, however you're feeling, you can always come and talk about it here. There are ladies on this board who sadly have experienced similar losses and understand some of what you are going through, so please turn to us any time you need a friendly ear or a shoulder to cry on.

You're in my thoughts x x
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  #3  
July 22nd, 2009, 03:09 PM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: UK
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How are you doing, honey? I've been thinking of you x
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