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The worst day of my life.....


Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
August 14th, 2009, 12:52 AM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 12
been staring at this page for the longest time, no words are the right words. today, i went to the doctor for my regular check up, i um, today i was told, that my baby, i am was four months today has no heartbeat, my little baby, im just in a spin, i have a thousand questions and no answers, this is so so unfair, been crying all day, and all night, and just when i think i am done crying, i cry some more... this just isnt fair
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  #2  
August 14th, 2009, 02:41 PM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
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First of all, welcome to the board. I am so sorry that you have had to join us here. This is only a small, quiet boar but very supportive and you can come here to talk or cry to us at any time x x

There aren't words to express how sorry I am that you are having to go through this right now. It's so unfair that anyone has to cope with losing a baby and I wish that I could take the pain away from you.

There's no right or wrong way to feel right now. Just take things step by step, one day at a time, one minute at a time even. A loss like this takes a very long time to come to terms with. Do you have anyone supporting you, honey? Do you have a partner, friends or family who are with you right now? Please don't be afraid to lean on the people close to you. You will need their love and support, and with them by your side you will make it through this.

There are some other very supportive loss boards here on JM that you might like to visit. Here are some links:

Pregnancy Loss - JustMommies Message Boards

Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss - JustMommies Message Boards

Stillbirth - JustMommies Message Boards

Please come back here any time, Ash. We are always here for you. Take your time, and talk to us as much as you need to.

You are in my thoughts x x
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  #3  
August 14th, 2009, 05:04 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 12
thanks, this is so so very hard, again today all i can do is cry, cant sleep dont want to eat... dont want to do anything. my friends came by today they dont really know what to say, what can you say. my baby's dad, is in another state right now, and i wont be able to see him yet, this is so hard for both of us. i dont want to be alone right now, and i dont want to be around anyone either. i have all these questions and there will be no answers.

its hard, to look at my belly, to touch my belly, knowing my baby is there still... this is just too hard
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  #4  
August 14th, 2009, 05:12 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 12
and i forgot to say thank you..... i just feel so alone and so lost
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  #5  
August 15th, 2009, 06:17 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I am so sorry, sweetie. I know from experience nothing I can say will make the pain of losing your child go away.

I can reassure you though. Everything you are feeling is normal. The pain will get easier with time; how much time varies. With Aiden, it was a matter of a couple days. With Gwen, it took me a good month to notice it getting any easier.

Please know that I am here for you. You can PM or IM me anytime. (I'm usually on yahoo, hardly ever get on aim anymore.)

I do recommend popping over to Pregnancy Loss. The ladies over there are amazing. They really helped me in the darkest of times.
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  #6  
August 16th, 2009, 12:30 AM
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Join Date: May 2009
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i think i found the pregnancy loss forum thing but i am not allowed to access it, havent posted enough or something, i dont know i am so tired and exhausted i cant even think.
and i am sorry if this was the wrong place to post, i feel so lost right now and so very alone...
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  #7  
August 16th, 2009, 06:32 AM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You're in exactly the right place, sweetie. You can post wherever you feel most comfortable. You should be able to access the pregnancy loss boards, you may be thinking about the private subforums that some of them have, but you should be able to post on the main boards that I linked to you in my last post.

It's understandable that you've so tired and drained right now. Just try to take things a step at a time. No one has any expectations for you - just take things in your own time, and please come and let it all out here. We are right here for you.

((((((hugs)))))) please let us know how you are doing today x x
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  #8  
August 16th, 2009, 06:58 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I agree, you SHOULD be posting here. We weren't trying to push you away, just letting you know that there are other boards you may find helpful. You shouldn't have any problem with the pregnancy loss forums. Try the links Misty provided in her first reply. If they don't work, please let us know.
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  #10  
August 17th, 2009, 07:10 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 12
thank you so much, and i so sorry for your loss as well. this is the worst thing in the world anyone has to go through. i keep waiting for it to get easier even a little, to just stop crying.
its just so hard, i want my baby, this isnt fair, its just not fair. im sorry im too upset to stay. sorry
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  #11  
August 18th, 2009, 02:37 PM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((((((((hugs))))))))) We understand, sweetie. Just take your time. We are here whenever you need us.

It takes a long time to heal. You just need to take things a day at a time. Don't try to rush yourself or second-guess how you're supposed to be feeling. What you are going through is so unfair and heartbreaking, and I wish I could take it away from you.

We're here for you any time x x

x x
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  #12  
August 21st, 2009, 07:02 PM
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still here, just not dealing with things so well. thought i would be able to, guess i am wrong
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  #13  
August 24th, 2009, 07:19 AM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. Losing a baby is a terrible thing to go through and I'm not sure anyone really copes or deals with things. You just have to survive, day by day x x

How are you feeling this week? Remember that you can talk as much as you need to here x x
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  #14  
August 24th, 2009, 05:07 PM
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I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words that will make it easier to deal with your loss. I know i just lost my baby boy evan james on august 17 2009 he was stillborn i was 40 weeks pregnant and went to the hospital on my due date where i was told that he had no heartbeat. If you ever need to talk please contact me.

Again i am so very sorry for your loss.
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  #15  
August 27th, 2009, 08:07 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my son at 4.5 months in February. It's heartbreaking, but for me at least it has gotten a little easier over time. I wish I could give you a hug right now, please feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
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  #16  
August 27th, 2009, 11:00 PM
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i am sorry i havent been posting in awhile, and thank you, and im sorry you all had to go through this too, i really am. this is so hard, for all of us, i know i am not dealing with it well at all. not sleeping and if i do i have nightmares of all kinds, cant sleep, i barely function. i dont even feel like i am alive, i just exist, if even that. i saw my doctor again on tuesday and she is concerned about me not sleeping and not eating, and blaming myself and just how i am feeling in general.
and thank you for the offers to PM, i would have many times by now, need to, but i cant seem to figure it out. to me its just something else i cant do right.....i probably should just go
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  #17  
August 28th, 2009, 04:51 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Do you have Facebook? If so I'll give you my name and you can contact me that way.
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  #18  
August 29th, 2009, 06:37 AM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Just take things in your own time, Ash. Just post as and when you feel able to. If it's too much right now then you know we will be here whenever you need us. Any time you want to come by and talk to us, we will be here. If you need a break to come to terms with what you are going through, we completely understand. But please don't feel you need stay away for any other reason. We are all here to listen and to help in any small way that we can.

I'm thinking of you x ((((((hugs))))))
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  #19  
August 29th, 2009, 01:02 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Ash Thinking of you. :dothugs:
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  #20  
September 1st, 2009, 02:03 PM
Misty_X's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Keeping you in my thoughts, Ash - check in any time you need us x x ((((((hugs))))))
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