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I can identify with this story. I was a nanny to a little girl for almost a year and it took me awhile to get used to the fact that I wouldn't see her anymore. I had dreams with her in it and wonder what she was doing. My job was cut in a week's time from when the subject was brought up. No transition time. I did see her on her second Birthday and she went to me right away but, I didn't see her again. I don't think often that parent's realize that when you care for a child 40 to 60 hours a week, you're going to form a bond. It doesn't matter that these children aren't our blood, they are effectively being raised by the caregiver. That's part of the reason that I am adamant that no one else beside myself and my husband will raise our children. You can't know the bond and all the in's and out's of a child like a primary caregiver does.
My suggestion for you is if you can't deal with the grief yourself go see your ministry or a counselor to help you work through your feelings. My guess is there's not many that will understand your grief on this level.
Melanie, mama to Kaia, Ewan, and Paige
Paige Clementine born October 23, 2013