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Missing my angels


Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
December 23rd, 2010, 07:29 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I realized the other day that this Christmas I should have a 3 yr old, a 2 yr old, a 1yr old, and a 3 month old. Instead, I'm sitting here with a broken heart and empty arms. There isn't a single gift under my tree. There's no point. We don't have anyone at home to celebrate with. (DH and I can't afford to get each other gifts because of the fertility treatments.) I hate this. Instead of watching my kids experience Christmas, I will be sitting watching my unplanned niece open her gifts from Santa. Don't get me wrong, I love my niece but I'm jealous. My sister was no where near an appropriate point in her life to start a family. She did not take care of herself during her pregnancy and even stayed with the baby's abusive father for the duration of the pregnancy.
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  #2  
December 23rd, 2010, 08:21 PM
NewportMamaBear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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*hugs* Auggie. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Thinking of you and praying for comfort.
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  #3  
December 24th, 2010, 06:10 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Thanks sweetie. This time of year really brings out my self-pity. It doesn't help that we expected MA to work by now and for us to be pregnant with a sticky bean.
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Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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  #4  
December 30th, 2010, 08:18 PM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
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I can relate a little bit.

I lost my little girl 5 weeks before Christmas last year, and for two Christmases now I have had to shop for and watch my step-daughter open up her gifts; it is so bittersweet.

I should be shopping for, wrapping, and enjoying watching my little girl open up her gifts and enjoying her Christmas.

Christmas isn't enjoyable for me. I did not bake this year, I did not decorate my house (our tree went up on Christmas Eve for 2 nights), and I hated pretty much every minute of shopping and wrapping the presents. It is not the same without my little girl
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  #5  
December 31st, 2010, 11:14 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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*hugs* Thanks hun.
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Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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