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I have been having a rough few days. For a back story my best friend committed suicide when we were 13. I believe he had autism which contributed to his mindset. This past week I have been thinking about all of the losses in my life because of the loss of a dear collegue. I went to her funeral on monday. I have key words that no matter what they make me think of someone. At the funeral my key word for my best friend was said. It isn't a word that typically is brought up at a funeral...dinosaur. Well, during one of the memories shared the children of the lady said the word. In that moment I reverted back to raw grief. I haven't felt that level of grief in a decade. It was worse than my miscarriages. It was worse than the day I found out he died. It was like I was at his funeral all over again.
I have been able to start the processing all over again. I didn't know how strong of feelings I could have for something that took place 12 years ago.