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When is this supposed to get easier??


Forum: Grief and Loss

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  #1  
August 18th, 2006, 06:00 PM
*Cassie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 18,780
I feel so depressed today. I'm just so down and lonely and sad... I know it's not good for the baby, but I can't help it. Knowing that Grampie was supposed to be 80 today and we're supposed to be out celebrating.

Knowing that my parents are at their house going through their things to throw some stuff away. Just knowing that I'm never going to see them again, I won't get to call and tell them about their new great-grandchild, and that they just won't be here... it's not fair. I hate this. I know it's only been 3 weeks, but my god... I never knew it could hurt so bad.

Every Christmas, we always went there. We are going this year too... it's going to be very emotional and incredibly hard. I can't stand this. It's all I think about... I miss them so much...

IT'S NOT FRIGGING FAIR ######IT!!!!!

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RIP Grammie (06/24/35 - 07/25/06) and Grampie (08/18/26 - 07/26/06). I love you both and I miss you so much...
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  #2  
August 18th, 2006, 06:17 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
Sweetheart, you have a lot of mourning to do. First, your Grampie, then Grammie, then you have to mourn them as a unit. On top of all of that, you are pregnant.

I was 7 months along with Reagan when Mom died from cancer. It isn't the same, but what I can share with you are a few tips that really did help.



Talk about them. Here. To a neighbor. Anyone. Make them listen. Telling your story HELPS to start the healing. You can tell the story 100 times, but maybe the 101st time is when you start to feel some relief. YOU DESERVE IT.

Cry. Get angry. Pray, then start all over again. You deserve that, too.

I used to get really p1ssed off when people would say..."Think of the baby". Yep, sure, that helped. I will just stop crying now because you said that. Instead, I would talk to her.

Now, she and I are very connected, and she is named after Mom. I really think that because of what I went through, I have a deeper connection with her (not that I don't adore my first two daughters, mind you).

Anyway, I am thinking of you.

Heather
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  #3  
August 18th, 2006, 09:41 PM
Dreamme2006's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Location: GA
Posts: 339
First,

Second, this is all still so fresh and it is gonna take time. When my grandpa passed away it took me 6 months just to not cry everyday. I can promise you that it will get easier, but it is just going to take a while. You are dealing with both grandparents so it's just double the pain, and that makes it all the more worse on you. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
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  #4  
August 19th, 2006, 08:16 PM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Quebec
Posts: 3,929
hi there, I am so sorry for your loss. Let me just say it DOES get easier. I lost my MIL a month and a half before I had my son and its so devasating because you think of all the things they said about your unborn baby, things they said they would be doing with them and its so aweful that they will never meet. Its VERY normal that right now its all you can think about. This is how I felt too, its like you just cant get it off your mind. But in time, it does get easier. You never forget them, but in time you can talk about them and remember happy times and smile over those times. It helps alot if you can talk to someone else about those happy times, or talk about what you loved about them. Their sense of humor, something they always used to say etc. What I have found helps me sometimes is talking to her. Sometimes I talk and cry, sometimes I talk and feel crazy, but it always helps me. I tell her I miss her, and that I hope she is looking down and watching my baby grow up. If you feel comfortable with this, I think its great therapy. Hugs, and don't worry about your baby, they are tough, let yourself cry.
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